Social phobia? Panic attacks? Anxiety attcks? Fear or nothing? Help needed

[ClaireGordon]

Hey guys,

First post on here, so be gentle with me.

I have suffered from this 'state of mind' for a little over 3 years now. I cannot stem the symptoms back to one particular event, but a run of multiple events that knocked the wind out of me and depressed me from a friends death to the loss of a partner to bankruptcy and the stupid bad days we all have.

Thing is I have dealt with each and every event the best I could at the time, and I wouldn't have done anything differently apart from change it in the first place, but there's something holding me back to getting back to the real true happy go lucky up for a laugh do anything spontaneous me. I need the old me back!!

I haven't had any medication, but I have been to the doctors on a few occasions when I have thought I can't do this anymore, and all I got handed was a leaflet and a 'come back and see me if symptoms get worse' speech, but working 9-5 Monday to Friday nipping to the doctors isn't that easy.

So here's the situation now, my mum dragged me to the doctors 3 weeks ago and the doctor referred me to the mental health assessment team after having me fill in a questionnaire that indicated that I am depressed and anxious most of the day, and to come back and see her in 3 weeks time. This news didn't surprise me at all. A few days later I went back to doctors for bloods doing (thyroid and sugar levels) but the results showed up normal. The same day I got a call from the MH assessor who conducted another assessment of me by asking the self same questions the doctor did, but this time the results indicated I was more anxious than the previous few days which didn't surprise me. Then I was told I have been place on the emergency waiting list and I should hear something by Xmas................. Imagine my anxiety levels when hearing this news.

I am due to go back and see my doctor at the end of the week, but in the meantime I have been taking Kalms tablets. My mum advised I take them, and I have done in the past, so I thought, what's the harm.

On Saturday coming my partner has bought some concert tickets and I'm petrified!! I soooo want to go to the concert and have a great time with my partner as we never do anything like this because of me. We have never been out for a meal, or to the cinema or done anything coupley other than sit at home all day watching films. So the concert is a huge on in sheffield, and I'm so scared. But I don't know what I'm scared of.

I need help, I have tried hypnosis apps on my iPad, talking myself down, distracting myself during panic attacks. I know nothing is going to happen, I'm not going to pass out although I feel like it, I'm not going to be sick although I feel like it, I'm not going to mess myself although I feel Ike it, and I'm going to be okay even though I don't feel like it.

I know this is just my mind playing tricks on me and I know I need to train my brain to think differently, but I don't know how. I read things online all the time, but I want one on one help, something for me specifically, someone to listen to me directly...... But it seems I'll have to wait for Xmas for that, but in the meantime I have this concert to attend and I don't know how I'm going to do it.

Please please help me guys......... If this is living, and this is life, then what's the point in living in constant fear of possibilities that may or may not happen?

Thank you for any help and advice you can give me. Ask me questions if you need more details.

Thanks again

Claire

[ClaireGordon]

Hey guys, First post on here, so be gentle with me. I have suffered from this 'state of mind' for a little over 3 years now. I cannot stem the symptoms back to one particular event, but a run of multiple events that knocked the wind out of me and depressed me from a friends death to the loss of a partner to bankruptcy and the stupid bad days we all have. Thing is I have dealt with each and every event the best I could at the time, and I wouldn't have done anything differently apart from change it in the first place, but there's something holding me back to getting back to the real true happy go lucky up for a laugh do anything spontaneous me. I need the old me back!! I haven't had any medication, but I have been to the doctors on a few occasions when I have thought I can't do this anymore, and all I got handed was a leaflet and a 'come back and see me if symptoms get worse' speech, but working 9-5 Monday to Friday nipping to the doctors isn't that easy. So here's the situation now, my mum dragged me to the doctors 3 weeks ago and the doctor referred me to the mental health assessment team after having me fill in a questionnaire that indicated that I am depressed and anxious most of the day, and to come back and see her in 3 weeks time. This news didn't surprise me at all. A few days later I went back to doctors for bloods doing (thyroid and sugar levels) but the results showed up normal. The same day I got a call from the MH assessor who conducted another assessment of me by asking the self same questions the doctor did, but this time the results indicated I was more anxious than the previous few days which didn't surprise me. Then I was told I have been place on the emergency waiting list and I should hear something by Xmas................. Imagine my anxiety levels when hearing this news. I am due to go back and see my doctor at the end of the week, but in the meantime I have been taking Kalms tablets. My mum advised I take them, and I have done in the past, so I thought, what's the harm. On Saturday coming my partner has bought some concert tickets and I'm petrified!! I soooo want to go to the concert and have a great time with my partner as we never do anything like this because of me. We have never been out for a meal, or to the cinema or done anything coupley other than sit at home all day watching films. So the concert is a huge on in sheffield, and I'm so scared. But I don't know what I'm scared of. I need help, I have tried hypnosis apps on my iPad, talking myself down, distracting myself during panic attacks. I know nothing is going to happen, I'm not going to pass out although I feel like it, I'm not going to be sick although I feel like it, I'm not going to mess myself although I feel Ike it, and I'm going to be okay even though I don't feel like it. I know this is just my mind playing tricks on me and I know I need to train my brain to think differently, but I don't know how. I read things online all the time, but I want one on one help, something for me specifically, someone to listen to me directly...... But it seems I'll have to wait for Xmas for that, but in the meantime I have this concert to attend and I don't know how I'm going to do it. Please please help me guys......... If this is living, and this is life, then what's the point in living in constant fear of possibilities that may or may not happen? Thank you for any help and advice you can give me. Ask me questions if you need more details. Thanks again Claire

Please help guys

[jessed03]

Tough post Claire.

After talking to loads of people with anxiety, I can usually always pinpoint something that seems to be bothering them, but your condition seems quite resistant. You don't seem to be doing a tonne wrong, yet are still suffering badly.

I guess one thing that stands out, is the power the condition has been given, due to you avoiding situations. Obviously the more you avoid stuff, the more the mind becomes aware there is some type of perceived danger, and the problem worsens.

Maybe you should reframe it a little. Sadly, there really is no drug, or therapy, that can change your base physical level of emotion really quickly. So, it's unlikely there's any mindset or wise words that somebody can tell you, that will free you up to go have fun with your partner.

But... Maybe this whole event can be symbolic. It can be a symbol for change. Due to this condition bullying you, and robbing you of joy, almost imprisoning you away from the things you and your partner wanna do, it's been handed a lot of power. This event can be the time you take power back.

You're putting in some steps to improve, you're going out despite being scared.

Maybe the best attitude to take here, is if/when anxiety strikes, you say 'I'm here.... Fuck you!' And ride through it, to re-emphasise the belief you'll keep going regardless, and it will never stop you.

Sometimes, that's the best a person can do.

[ClaireGordon]

Thanks for your advice Jessed03 :D

It really is hard training your brain back to the way it used to think. Back when I was 'normal'

So much has changed in my life in the last 3 years including meeting my partner with whom I've had the best days of my life despite this 'state of mind'

It's hard being in this situations when I feel like I'm losing control because a part of me is screaming at myself 'your here, your safe, your secure now have fun and stop panicking over NOTHING! Stop thinking your making it worse'

And then I'm thinking 'I can't breath I'm going to pass out, I can't see, what happening, heart attack? Stroke?'

I have a constant battle with myself over nothing!!

Each case of anxiety is different, so I was wondering how mine differs from others and what people have found helped in the build up to an event as Saturday is a matter of days away now.

It's now beginning to start argument between me and my partner :(

Xx

[jessed03]

No problem CJ :)

It's kinda good you met your partner in this state, and not before. So many people say they feel disconnected with their partners as anxiety changes them, but at least yours met and fell for you in this way, so he clearly liked what he found, and it can kinda only go up.

Short term, the only things I've found that work are coping statements, which maybe you already do, and benzo's :-/ not a great list, I know. I've never tried kalms, maybe they are effective. Rescue remedy was ok for me.

I mean, one thing that's really soothing, is the whole, talk to yourself like a baby thing. I got nastily drunk once, got lost, it was raining, the world was spinning wildly, I was majorly freaking out, and I just really talked to myself like an infant... 'Shhh, shhh, it's ok, you're gonna get home soon, sober up, and sleep, it's all gonna be alright. It's all gonna be ok'... It kinda worked quite well. Kinda stopped panic from escalating. I just kept talking to myself like a baby, very soft, loving and gentle. The night which was heading for disaster didn't pass too badly.

It may be something worth doing in your head, I do find it works for some of my stubborn anxieties like public speaking phobia.

I guess there's a little scared kid still inside us all! That gentle, mothering attitude can really be soothing.

Hopefully your partner will be reassured by you making this effort. A similar thing happened with me and my Gf when my attacks were bad. I travelled a long way to visit her, had some ups and downs. It wasn't very fun, but neither was much at that point. she saw how big a deal it was for me to be there, and it kinda eased her frustration a bit.

Who are you going to see anyway, anyone good? Do any good bands play oop norf'? :P

[Lin]

It's a shame when we let our anxiety stop us doing things. We can become very isolated and make our world very small. If you are able it is always best to try to do things even if you need extra tablets to do it. I have cancelled so many things and then regretted not having the nerve to go if only for a short time.

[dj430]

It's terrible having any type of anxiety... I've tried talking to family members and all they tell me is to control myself.. It's something I can't do. Mine is to the point where im about to loose my job again. It's depressing cause I can't have a normal life... Atleast this forums help knowing that your not alone

[ClaireGordon]

Thanks for the advice Jesses, Lin & DJ. means a lot knowing I'm not alone in this

I guess your right :D I have got myself through a lot of rough times with the support of my gf. We have only been together 11 months yet we are living together and own a kitten together and this is a hugeeeee big deal for me as I'm 25 and only just moved out of my parents house so mass responsibility..... Strange to say things like this as I never thought I person like me would be able to get through such big events in my life, but with her support I have done it with a few hiccups on the way admit idly, but nothing major. But with going to see Bruno Mars on Saturday my gf has taken on the attitude of 'what's the point? I try doing something nice for you, for us and your not even willing to make the effort'

No matter what I try or say I cannot convince her that I really do want to go, I wanna have a great trip in the car and I wanna queue up with everyone else and enjoy the banter. I wanna see Bruno Mars! I wanna have a great time with her, but she doesn't believe me. She thinks I will bail at the last min..... To be fair that is my usual behaviour..... So she is suggesting taking her sister....... Who also suffers from anxiety....... But in my opinion (hate saying this) has selective social anxiety. But the worse thing is my gf said to me last night, 'I feel like your dragging me down with you between you and my sister, and that's not fair'. That hurt!

So I'm in catch 22. Do I go and no doubt ruin it for us both by either backing out at the last min, do I go and try keep myself calm and wish every second away until I'm home and safe in bed, or do I just tell my gf to take her sister and have a good time?


Kalms are ok, I think they are more of a placebo if I'm honest. They are good short term, I.e driving tests and what not, but long tern 3 weeks plus, they turn into a dependency. Totally herbal, so no harm really.

What is/are benzos????

Rescue remedy - my gf mum got me the drop version, but when I did try it for the first time I felt worse!!, all I was doing was picking my gf up from the train station and going food shopping.... Nothing out of the ordinary, but that's how my anxiety effects me, no rhyme nor reason behind it :(.

My main concern behind my anxiety is when ever I go somewhere new I have to go to the toilet. No matter if I have been before I left or not, and number 2's ain't the best in public toilets :( anyone else get these effects?

Thanks again guys

Xx

[ClaireGordon]

It's a shame when we let our anxiety stop us doing things. We can become very isolated and make our world very small. If you are able it is always best to try to do things even if you need extra tablets to do it. I have cancelled so many things and then regretted not having the nerve to go if only for a short time.

My world has literally become, me, my gf and my mum occasionally. I go to work mon -fri 9-5 because I have to not because I want to. I seem to have no control over doing things I have to do, where as if it's something I want to do my mind goes crazy.

Maybe that's the key for Bruno mars concert? Convince myself it's something I have to do and not want to? :S

But with regards to the isolation bit...... Totally agree with you. I have friends in Gainsborough and St. Helens that I used to visit at least once every 4 months, and now... I haven't seen my friends in Gainsborough for nearly 3 years and my friend in St. Helens for nearly 18 months..... So depressing how I have pushed everything and everyone away from me. Not through choice, but through fear of thoughts and possibilities...... Sooooo wrong.

Now I feel like I'm just about holding on to my gf with my finger tips.....

[ClaireGordon]

It's terrible having any type of anxiety... I've tried talking to family members and all they tell me is to control myself.. It's something I can't do. Mine is to the point where im about to loose my job again. It's depressing cause I can't have a normal life... Atleast this forums help knowing that your not alone

I'm sick of hearing statements like this from family and work colleagues, such as 'oh you'll be fine just go' or 'just do it nothing's going to happen' words like this don't seem to help one little bit.

I usually ask them what they fear the most..... Answers r usually spiders so I give them a scenario such as 'imagine being stood in the supermarket with 40 transulas all over your body and see if you can act normal whilst doing your weekly shopping because that's how I feel. I just want to run away screaming and waving my arms screaming for help, but I control myself enough to do the shopping so the least you can do is not patronise me by saying 'oh just get on with it you'll be fine'

That usually changes their view on things, put them in your shoes, give them a taste of the fear and they then seem to understand a little better.

[jessed03]

Lol whenever you read through my last posts, just replace the 'he's' with 'she's' :P

Benzo's are basically meds that send you back to normal for a while. Block off all anxiety, and kinda make you calm, relaxed and nice. Why aren't we all taking them, right? Sadly they're kinda addictive, as once you're relaxed, you NEVER wanna go back, and they only last like 6 hours. But people take them for short term use safely - flying, tests, public speaking, when having a severe panic attack. I've taken a few in my life, they're a real help. Doctors don't like prescribing them in the uk though, as they're worried everyone's gonna become an addict. Nice to see they trust us so much!

You should see some changes after you get talking therapy. It's a shame it takes sooooo long to get it. You could get started by buying a CBT book from Amazon for like a £1, and work through it. You will see changes. The anxiety and phobia workbook is a really good all round book I've found very helpful in the past. Combines all aspects of recovering, including worksheets, and ways to slowly overcome your fears. It will at least give you a head start before you get face to face therapy.

I guess that's what people wanna see from us anxiety folk. They kinda think we don't try, or we give in. It's infuriating, I know,but I guess it's hard for them, to understand how hard it is, for people like us.

I mean take your Gf, when you said she doesn't believe you wanna go. I guess she sees you flake a lot, and gets frustrated. Perhaps if you go to this concert, and do your best, even if it isn't that fun, get a workbook to get ahead of your mind, and take some anxiety vitamins (magnesium, vitamin C, and omega3), and soon start therapy, it will show her how serious you are about improving things.

I guess I found in my life, everybody got frustrated with me, cos they saw me doing the same stuff over and over. They must have thought, what's the point being with you? How's it ever gonna change?

Maybe making some gestures like the above will prove to her how much it all means to you, and soften her up again. My problem with my ex Gf when my attacks were bad, were I talked a lot, but kept putting everything off cos I felt sooooo bad. Maybe if I'd have done a few things sooner, she would have had the faith to stick with me. Who knows. We live and we learn :)

[ClaireGordon]

Hahaha. Don't worry about it.

I'll have a look on amazon tonight, and I'm currently waiting for my gf to get home so we can head to boots so I can grab some Bachs spray. She's gunna grab some tea on the way home and hopefully I can pick up some vitamins :)

Hopefully I can get my mind in the right place to go to this concert and be okay while I'm there.

Lord knows this is really putting a strain on our relationship and it's so not worth it I want to get better ASAP, but I'm treating this concert as the first stepping stone. If I can do this, if I can go, if I can walk in there and sit down and even watch half of the show, then it know I'm getting better. Talking on here really helps too!!

So what's your story Jessed? If you don't mind me asking that is

Xx

[ClaireGordon]

Well last night we went and got the vitamins and some rescue remedy spray and pastels, and some buscopan.......(Maybe over kill)

I've had 2 camomile teas today

I'm still taking the Kalms tablets day and night

I know this may all be over kill, but I feel better, I feel prepared should the worst happen. I just really really want to get through Saturday without any major glitches. If I can get through this then I know I'm well on my way to beating this thing.

If I sit and think about each and every individual thing that could go wrong or might happen then there's no chance in hell I'd make it. But I'm not, I'm just trying to prepare and protect myself the best I can.

Xx

[jessed03]

Well last night we went and got the vitamins and some rescue remedy spray and pastels, and some buscopan.......(Maybe over kill)

I've had 2 camomile teas today

I'm still taking the Kalms tablets day and night

I know this may all be over kill, but I feel better, I feel prepared should the worst happen. I just really really want to get through Saturday without any major glitches. If I can get through this then I know I'm well on my way to beating this thing.

If I sit and think about each and every individual thing that could go wrong or might happen then there's no chance in hell I'd make it. But I'm not, I'm just trying to prepare and protect myself the best I can.

Xx

Better to be over prepared than under :P

Anxiety, when all is said and done, is just an uneasy feeling, a worry about a catastrophe. When you find ways to cope, ways to improve it, and keep on trucking, realising it won't kill you, you really do make huge gains!

CBT will help you big time too, so you're well on your way. I hope you can have a little fun this weekend.

You know... COS YOU MAKE ME FEEL LIKEEEEE... I'VE BEEN LOCKED OUT OF HEAVENNNNNN!

[jessed03]

P.s chamomile tea does surprisingly good stuff considering its non medicinal and costs a little over a pound!

[ClaireGordon]

Better to be over prepared than under :P Anxiety, when all is said and done, is just an uneasy feeling, a worry about a catastrophe. When you find ways to cope, ways to improve it, and keep on trucking, realising it won't kill you, you really do make huge gains! CBT will help you big time too, so you're well on your way. I hope you can have a little fun this weekend. You know... COS YOU MAKE ME FEEL LIKEEEEE... I'VE BEEN LOCKED OUT OF HEAVENNNNNN!

Lmaoo. Thanks Jessed. Made me giggle a litrm jnsfkjnvknjs ( that's my kitten excited to see me home and won't get off my iPad).... Made me giggle a little then haha

I've decide I've gone from 'I'm absolutely petrified, I can't go, how can I get out of this?' To 'I can do this, little by little I can do it. I have my Bachs and my mints and as soon as I feel a panic attack coming on then I'm going to scream at myself.... 'Nothing's wrong, I'm not going to die or pass out and the world isn't going to swollow me up so I can escape so I'm here and I'm having fun'

but I still feel a little uneasy, but I'm putting that down to the exciting nerves that I'm sure the other 13,499 people will be feeling....... Right?

Anyways...... Being my usual self I've other thought things in mass details before, but one thin has clicked today with me.... The one thing that's making me anxious more than anything is...... Waiting...... Of all the things I hate the most it's waiting about... And this makes me more anxious.......

From waking up to leaving for the concert at 5 pm is just waiting about...... Now this isn't so bad as I can distract myself at home, and to be honest I'm at home where I feel the safest anyways, but then I have and hours drive to sheffield, which I don't mind really, I just don't like the feeling of being lost, so I've spend a week looking at the route and the turn offs on the M1 so I kinda have an idea before hand... So hopefully that will make things better. Then there's the parking..... I've been advices of a place to park which will be free (everyone's favourite word) and this way I won't have that mad traffic rush to deal with but......... It's a 20 min walk to the arena then....... Good idea? Bad gidea? I dunno. Then once we get to the arena we'll have to wait at the back of the queue for god knows how long (doors open at 6.30) ..... Then find our seats..... Then we will be waiting for the support act to hit the stage at 7.30 who are usually on for around 40mins...... So then it's around 8.10......... It's then 9.00pm until Bruno comes on stage for 90mins.......thenp it's home time and I will feel absolutely fine....... Even if it takes me 4 hours to get home I'll be 100% fine as I know I'll be going home so it won't bother me.

So all this waiting around? Not worth it for me, so I'm going to speak to my gf tonight and see if she would mind skipping the support act and arriving at the arena around 8.30. Enough time to get through security, grab a drink, quick toilet rest and then once we've found our seats and settled in, Bruno will be on stage...... This to me is almost perfect........

But let's see what she says hahaha

P.s I hope I'm not boring you.....

Xx

[ClaireGordon]

.... I guess you did get bored hahaha.

Today's the day.... Couple things have changed.

I've been taking the magnesium, vitamin C and omega 3 tablets, drinking at least 2 camomile teas a day and I've tried not to think about the finer details as much.

On Thursday we decided to try out luck and see if there was any hotels left in the area so we wouldn't have to worry about the parking....... And as luck would have it there's a hotel...... But it's a little over an hours walk away so we have to get a taxi...... I hate being passenger in anymore transport :( but sod it, it's only a 10 minute drive,bill just have to suck it up and get on with it.

So now I feel much better about it all. We are still missing the opening act, and we are aiming to arrive 30mins before Bruno hits the stage so that should be plenty of time to get it, grab a drink, find our seats and settle in.

Don't get me wrong I'm still scared, I've tried to eliminate as much as possible so I only have to deal with the essentials.

Everytime I start to think about I stop myself and think of something else like the travel down there which isn't a worry to me, but is still to do with the whole day.

Hopefully I'll have a great time and it won't hit me all at once when I get there........ We shall see haha wish me luck guys?

Xx

[jessed03]

.... I guess you did get bored hahaha.

Today's the day.... Couple things have changed.

I've been taking the magnesium, vitamin C and omega 3 tablets, drinking at least 2 camomile teas a day and I've tried not to think about the finer details as much.

On Thursday we decided to try out luck and see if there was any hotels left in the area so we wouldn't have to worry about the parking....... And as luck would have it there's a hotel...... But it's a little over an hours walk away so we have to get a taxi...... I hate being passenger in anymore transport :( but sod it, it's only a 10 minute drive,bill just have to suck it up and get on with it.

So now I feel much better about it all. We are still missing the opening act, and we are aiming to arrive 30mins before Bruno hits the stage so that should be plenty of time to get it, grab a drink, find our seats and settle in.

Don't get me wrong I'm still scared, I've tried to eliminate as much as possible so I only have to deal with the essentials.

Everytime I start to think about I stop myself and think of something else like the travel down there which isn't a worry to me, but is still to do with the whole day.

Hopefully I'll have a great time and it won't hit me all at once when I get there........ We shall see haha wish me luck guys?

Xx

Haha no, I didn't get bored. I just came to wish you luck actually! But you'd typed first.

You seem to have a good handle on things. Compared to your early posts, which were quite fearful. You seem to have gained a lot of control over the situation, which is a really good thing!

It should go well. Just keep saying calming stuff in your head if you get a little tense! Either way, you're doing this, so it's a point in the win column for you, against anxiety!

Good luck, and post back with an update after everything's happened! I hope you both have some fun :)

[ClaireGordon]

Thanks Jessed :) seriously I'm lucky I found this app and you commented because without either I guarantee I wouldn't be going at all.

I'll update you before we go if I can, and definitely after.

Thanks again for everything Jessed!!

Speak soon xxxxx

[jessed03]

You're welcome. How'd your night go? :)

[ClaireGordon]

You're welcome. How'd your night go? :)



Hey... Just got settled back in the hotel room with a nice cuppa tea lol.... I'm sure I'm suppose to be 25 not 55 lol

Anyways.... The night was great!!!! I managed to control the things I could and I tried to forget about the things I couldnt£ I'm not saying it was easy, but it was easier than I thought it would be lol

Because we didn't get there until 8.30 it was so much better for me. He was late on stage, and that made me anxious abit, but once he came on stage I was......ok I guess lol.
So that's deffinetly a tick in my box and a cross to anxiety! In your face anxiety, take that!!! Haha

Thanks Jessed!!! You (a complete stranger who owes me nothing) are one of the 4 people (including myself) who has got me throught this. So thank you!

Xxxxxx

[jessed03]

Ah I'm glad it went well :)

You never quite know, sometimes all the prep goes by the wayside when panic sets in!

It'll definitely drive you forward. All the wins, and the hard work add up. I hope the whole thing has made you feel more positive about recovery.

And hopefully a little less stress in the relationship too ;)

[ClaireGordon]

Oh it has definitely given me abit more confidence to get this sorted and say bye to anxiety for good. I didn't realise how tight my chest has been since Friday, but today it must have released abit cos it's killing lol.

The relationship got less stressful when she realised how bad I was in the back of the taxi on the way there.... To the point where she cried cos she felt so proud of me in the arena lol bless her. I think we have definitely built up more of an understanding on the situation between us.

Oh and I don't know if I mentioned this before but I got a call on Friday (I think) from my therapist.... My appointments started this morning :). She is training for the next level and she asked for me to be a casework case for her. The only difference is I get 12 appointments instead of 3, and they start immediately :))) oh and she has to video record us but I'm not thinking about that bit haha.

I asked her at the end of our hour appointment if I'm fixable, and she said oh yeah no problems whatsoever, so I'm chuffed to bits :D another tick in my box and a cross for anxiety :)))))

Xx

[ClaireGordon]

Hey, I have another therapy session on Friday so I'll give you an update Friday night, but things at the moment are good :)

I've just booked for me and my GF to go to the cinema on Thursday night, but I'm not telling her, that way it's a surprise for her and the attention is not on me and that way I'm getting out more and pushing the anxiety back hopefully :)

Its also out 1 year anniversary coming up on the 8th no and we planned on going to blackpool to see the illuminations for the day, but I've secretly booked us a guest room so that will be a big thing for me too, but again the attentions off me as it's a surprise for her :)

How are you? Xx

[jessed03]

Growing in confidence Claire, I like it!

Strike while the iron is hot, as they say. In therapy, on the back of a win, why not do fun stuff, right?

Do you like your therapist?

Anyway I'm good, doing well. Kinda thinking though, maybe it's time to get a Gf that does cool stuff and surprises me!! :P

[ClaireGordon]

Growing in confidence Claire, I like it! Strike while the iron is hot, as they say. In therapy, on the back of a win, why not do fun stuff, right? Do you like your therapist? Anyway I'm good, doing well. Kinda thinking though, maybe it's time to get a Gf that does cool stuff and surprises me!! :P

Yeah she seems great, so far so good :D I feel I can really talk to her which is good, and she seems honest with me too. At the end of the hour I asked her if I was 'fixable' she giggled slightly at my term fixable and said that she's confident she can 'fix' me and she has made the links to my thoughts already which is all to do with CBT apparently. When she mentioned that I then told her about you and this forum and the advice you had been giving me to get me through last week and this weekend, and she said all the advice you'd given me seems to have helped me loads, and it was great advice :D

She's going to explain CBT more to me on Friday so hopefully I'll understand more then.

Surprising my GF with things like this is something I've never done for her before. It's things I used to do when I was the old me, the better me, so I'm taking that as me getting better and back to the old me if I'm starting to do things I used to.

I'm sure up until this weekend my GF would have gladly let you borrow me, but now she's being selfish and wants me all to herself haha.

I'm glad your ok, and I'm sure there's someone who what's to spoil and surprise you right?

Xx

[jessed03]

Oops, I keep forgetting to check Social Phobia section, sorry :P

I can see why she giggled. Nothing's broken lol, despite it feeling that way. Just quite hyped up, and once you calm things down using all the wonderful techniques out there... Voila... Back to normal lol.

I remember having like a 15 minute argument with my physch doctor when my anxiety was brutal. I was like, you aren't gonna fix me. I'm too broken. It's too bad. I'm soooooo messed up, my mind just cracked and went wrong. And she just kinda laughed and said 'of course you'll get better, it's not a huge deal'... I just thought she was mad. But, lo and behold, as the years went by, the problem begun to vanish, and I more or less found my normal personality there again. I get where people come from when they worry if they are fixable:P

So you had your therapy today? How was it? Is your therapist young? My cbt therapist was about 27. Was kinda cool, it felt quite relaxed and informal. I thought I was gonna get like a grey hair old main with glasses haha.

[ClaireGordon]

Haha, yeah I get what you mean about the 'I'm broken and un fixable' thing I was totally there about 3 weeks ago... Now I'm more like ' yeah I'm not broken, maybe a little bent out of shape but I'm ok'

Yeah therapy was good. I'm not starting to understand more now. Triggers and emotions and thoughts and all that which is good. The more I learn the more I understand which is good. My therapist Rebecca is probably about the late 20s mark too. I thought I was gunna get an old guy who couldn't relate to being a young female at all, but I guess I'm lucky. I know I'm making progress because I'm doing more and wanting to do more too. Like I booked for me and my GF to go to the cinema...... And I went :D and it was great and I had a good time too :D and we're hoping to do it again soon.

Things are really looking up and I'm starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel :D

Xx