bedhead
12-16-2007, 01:35 PM
Hi
I'm new to the forum (just joined today) I've lived with severe anxiety and depression for as long as I can remember. This comes and goes and periods in between these episodes are generally fine except for the fact that I can't travel any distance without becoming frightened.
I'm 29 and am currently starting prozac again after coming off it for six months. Unfortunately I appear to be one of those lucky people that just cannot physically stay off the meds without relapsing, suddenly I can barely function properly and i'm tearful and anxious all the time. All in all i have been on prozac for 12 years now. I know that's a hell of a long time and as I cannot find any other people that have been on antidepressants that long i assume it is not the norm. What I can say though is that prozac has worked for me and i'm very reluctant to try any other drug because you just don't know what side effects you are going to experience. My doc tried to give me citalopram but I make myself so sick with worry at taking new meds that it just doesn't make it worth it to try anything else when I know prozac doesn't give me side effects and I get quality of life. I take diazepam too but quarter my 5mg tablets because I hate the spaced out feelings I get. If nothing else the psychological effect of me taking such a small dose gets me through the worst patches and the diazepam is a now and then thing.
At the age of 16 I had my first Arrhythmia, doc put it down to panic attacks etc despite my insistence that something didn't feel quite right when I got the palpitations and I could tell the heart rhythm was different. At 19 I ended up in hospital with the Arrhythmia and it wouldn't quit, I finally got my diagnosis, I had an arrhythmia called AVNRT (Atrio Ventricular Nodal Re-entrant Tachycardia). As you can imagine it was about the worst thing in the world for me to find out that all those years I had worried about something being wrong with me and finally there was. I also experienced "extra beats" or the feeling that my heart was pausing before an extra hard beat. These beats are generally harmless but nonetheless frightening. I am aware of my heartbeat most of the time and every bump and blip is noticed and a mental note is made to be terrified of it!
I have had CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) several years ago which helped enormously and I'm currently waiting to go back to see my counsellor.
My problem is this. I have cardiac arrhythmia, one that i have mentioned and the docs have also seen evidence of others whilst I have undergone tests. My anxiety although not exclusive generally revolves around my heart and the fact that I am terrified I will die. A counsellor can help me deal with the anxiety but not the arrhythmia as he/she is not a cardiologist. The cardiologist has told me I won't die but obviously he's no counsellor and can't help me with the anxiety (why do I not want to accept what he says about me not dying?). I trawl the internet day and night looking for somewhere where it says there's a chance i might die from my arrhythmia and lucky me! I found it the other night. I have no idea what the chances are, I'll probably have more chance of winning the lottery but that doesn't matter to me, its sods law it will happen ;-). I am on beta blockers for my arrhythmia.
I just don't really know how to deal with my anxiety and my arrhythmia, the anxiety is the big big problem with the arrhythmia just giving me an excuse to panic the life out of me. So is there anyone like me out there? Anyone who's been on antidepressants as long as me? Why would I want to effectively sabotage my life so I can live in misery, its almost a way of life to me to be "different", I seperate myself from the "normal people" and feel the need to constantly excuse myself and feel inferior to others. I wonder often why I can't just get on with life.
I'm new to the forum (just joined today) I've lived with severe anxiety and depression for as long as I can remember. This comes and goes and periods in between these episodes are generally fine except for the fact that I can't travel any distance without becoming frightened.
I'm 29 and am currently starting prozac again after coming off it for six months. Unfortunately I appear to be one of those lucky people that just cannot physically stay off the meds without relapsing, suddenly I can barely function properly and i'm tearful and anxious all the time. All in all i have been on prozac for 12 years now. I know that's a hell of a long time and as I cannot find any other people that have been on antidepressants that long i assume it is not the norm. What I can say though is that prozac has worked for me and i'm very reluctant to try any other drug because you just don't know what side effects you are going to experience. My doc tried to give me citalopram but I make myself so sick with worry at taking new meds that it just doesn't make it worth it to try anything else when I know prozac doesn't give me side effects and I get quality of life. I take diazepam too but quarter my 5mg tablets because I hate the spaced out feelings I get. If nothing else the psychological effect of me taking such a small dose gets me through the worst patches and the diazepam is a now and then thing.
At the age of 16 I had my first Arrhythmia, doc put it down to panic attacks etc despite my insistence that something didn't feel quite right when I got the palpitations and I could tell the heart rhythm was different. At 19 I ended up in hospital with the Arrhythmia and it wouldn't quit, I finally got my diagnosis, I had an arrhythmia called AVNRT (Atrio Ventricular Nodal Re-entrant Tachycardia). As you can imagine it was about the worst thing in the world for me to find out that all those years I had worried about something being wrong with me and finally there was. I also experienced "extra beats" or the feeling that my heart was pausing before an extra hard beat. These beats are generally harmless but nonetheless frightening. I am aware of my heartbeat most of the time and every bump and blip is noticed and a mental note is made to be terrified of it!
I have had CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) several years ago which helped enormously and I'm currently waiting to go back to see my counsellor.
My problem is this. I have cardiac arrhythmia, one that i have mentioned and the docs have also seen evidence of others whilst I have undergone tests. My anxiety although not exclusive generally revolves around my heart and the fact that I am terrified I will die. A counsellor can help me deal with the anxiety but not the arrhythmia as he/she is not a cardiologist. The cardiologist has told me I won't die but obviously he's no counsellor and can't help me with the anxiety (why do I not want to accept what he says about me not dying?). I trawl the internet day and night looking for somewhere where it says there's a chance i might die from my arrhythmia and lucky me! I found it the other night. I have no idea what the chances are, I'll probably have more chance of winning the lottery but that doesn't matter to me, its sods law it will happen ;-). I am on beta blockers for my arrhythmia.
I just don't really know how to deal with my anxiety and my arrhythmia, the anxiety is the big big problem with the arrhythmia just giving me an excuse to panic the life out of me. So is there anyone like me out there? Anyone who's been on antidepressants as long as me? Why would I want to effectively sabotage my life so I can live in misery, its almost a way of life to me to be "different", I seperate myself from the "normal people" and feel the need to constantly excuse myself and feel inferior to others. I wonder often why I can't just get on with life.