How do you hold strong?

[rizza18]

Hey guys,

I'm new, just signed up a couple days ago, so I guess this is my first post. ;)

So I'm now 24, had mild depression/social anxiety from 13 but it didn't stop me from functioning - it was only once i hit 21, that shortly after insomnia, GAD and major depressive symptoms seemed to just come on one day in full force and hit me like a truck. I managed to keep working for a year after that but now i just can't function and its only getting worse as time progresses.

I just wanted to ask how you guys cope and manage to hold a job/social life and any relationships having GAD (chronic anxiety)...and, I mean anything.... I've literally pushed everyone away these last couple months to complete solitude, I've given up on the constant battle pushing emotions and feelings to the side and sustaining some sort of normality from when life was free of anxiety and just accepting that its easier not to fight it?

I've tried all SSRI's/SNRI's and one of each in TCA/TeCa/MAOI groups and it seems to produce no relief on my anxiety/depressive symptoms other than cymbalta/lexapro, thats stimulating but still doesn't help enough along with the bad it comes with.

I've found that personally, Valium is the best benzo with no side effects other than drowsiness which is fantastic as you'll agree with being wired all the time? :D

I've googled every herb/natural supplement that has an effect on the central nervous system, ordered and trialed these in attempt to try find something that supplies the right relief, Phenibut being the greatest allowing me to get 5-6hrs of sleep at night most the time compared to 2-3 - but after taking it for a 9 month period everytime before bed, its now giving some adverse effects on mood and a hard to explain headache during the day so i've stopped that.

I've tried for 3 months straight:

waking up...surfing for an hour or just paddling up and down the beach for exercise for that hour.
Soaking up hours of sun daily
gym 6 days a week for 1-2 hours.
Mountain biking for 1 hour daily
Morning walks for 30 minutes
Tv shows for distraction
1 hour jogg/runs in the afternoon/night.
Eating healthy
Forcing myself to be social for that period...well at least be around people doing things, going out....
Seeing psychologists 3 times a week
Daily thought diaries, self help goal focus diaries

To conclude in the middle of this 3 month stage i even threw myself into a job where i lasted 6 weeks, until i felt myself completely draining out at about 3-4 weeks in

Exercise didn't give a longer sustained period of eased symptom relief after doing so anymore
The cognitive and refocusing i was practicing, stopped working and I couldn't channel the willpower from anywhere anymore, the anxiety was too high and phenibut wasn't working and allowing me to sleep anymore
I ended up having to leave the job because my performance suffered greatly, i started being unable to come in 5 days a week and was inevitably going to get fired at this rate

I just don't know what to do anymore, i feel there is no solution in the drugs/natural supplements that i've tried and yeah the whole cognitive and talk therapy stuff stuff worked minorly but I really can't see it having an effect where I could go back to working, socialising and have any chance of leaving home and being independant.

I guess I'd love to hear your symptoms and the severity of the disorders you deal with i.e. GAD, insomnia, depression - moderate/severe etc.
what your taking, medication/supplements etc
and also maybe what your doing thoughts wise/focus/distraction

[tailspin]

Hi rizza. Welcome!

Some of us were just talking about this very question in a post here:

http://anxietyforum.net/forum/showthread.php?21890-How-do-you-keep-believing

I hope some of the points made in that thread will be helpful.

I know it's really hard not to feel hopeless about all this sometimes. I'm sorry the medications you've tried haven't been much help. Do you think you stayed on them long enough? Typically a two month trial period is advised (unless the side effects are horrendous).

It's great you do so much exercise. I exercise on a daily basis too and I must say I'm a bit disappointed that it doesn't help more with my depression and anxiety. But I still enjoy the exercise part so I keep doing it. Do you get any pleasure out of the actual exercising? Maybe you could find a different sport that would give you more pleasure? I go hiking in the hills every day and I do some running too (but have to watch that due to an Achilles issue). I genuinely enjoy both those things.

I would definitely stick with all the good things you're doing, but, obviously, I completely get it that you want to feel better too!! I am in a similar boat in some ways because I also do a lot of healthy things and I've had lots of therapy, yet I continue to struggle with depression and GAD, with some panic attacks. I'm a lot older than you, I'm 49, but my depression and anxiety didn't get really bad until about 6 years ago (though they've been issues on and off my whole life, just nowhere near as bad as they became about 6 years ago). I do take an SSRI, and it definitely helps. I take Lexapro now, but I was on Zoloft for many years. Both medications have helped with my panic attacks, but the GAD and depression is more stubborn.

From a philosophical point of view I personally find a Mindfulness approach to be the most helpful. If you google mindfulness approach to depression and anxiety you'll find a ton of stuff. There is also a wonderful American Buddhist called Pema Chodron who has written many things about dealing with difficult emotions such as fear that I find extremely helpful. I do think that it comes down to changing our perspective and shifting our focus, and I've found the Mindfulness approach to be the one that resonates most with me.