Mind Set to Walk in the Park and be nice to myself.

[Ponder]

Hi Guys. Bit hard for me to explain it. I'm definitely not a people person. Major trust issues dealing with reality I guess, not to mention working on myself. But that's OK ... not all of us have to be in each others pockets and I think most people are OK with that actually. I think I need to train myself like I did my daughter's pup. I'd take him out a few times to get him used to people - but I guess he could sense I was just not up to it and he'd get the best of me. Good Dog though ... miss him heaps! When we were back home, we'd both be as calm and playful as anything, so I eventually came to understand that every time we went out, that I was kind of searching to find my own space like he was as we went on our merry way.

Not sure I'm getting this out the right way ... I know that when we are not feeding of each other, it's not quite as bad, (like when I walk by myself) however I do still tend to react to both my own projections as well as others. It really is true how two negatives passing each other can either join to commiserate and drag each other down, (hence worried meeting others like me) or simply gravitate towards locking horns. The sad thing is, most people don't like being that way. Anyways ... I've been working hard on changing that ... been doing a little Bush walking and taking some cracker snap shots and getting back into my photography. Got a bit of a saying going on lately ... "The Sun is slowly becoming my Friend! :)

That's Positive stuff and I'm thankful for that. I joined another forum which is a good place too. However I figured I could be more myself here without every single post being moderated. Some places just work differently like that I guess. It's a good place ... but takes like a day or two for responses to go through. I'm still there and all that. sorry ... lost track now ......

So yea ... I also started a Blog about my Photography and mental illness. I'll throw that in the sig when it's time. Not why I am here. I guess me next step is to walk around people. Get my feet wet kind of thing ... So hard when we don't think we fit in ... but I'm changing my thinking on just fitting in with myself. For a long time now I have been getting about all scruffy and like. I don't have much clothes and not real hung up on stuff like that ... BUT ... when your really struggling ... I don't know about you ... but personal hygiene is a good indicator of how down a person is. Hell I've been luck to take a shower once a week ... never brush my teeth and have hair like Einstein growing out my ears ... LOL ... showing my age there too I guess.

I still got kids at home, they always joke about it. Kind of stunned them yesterday when I walked out of the shed with the clippers in hand. Not even a nose hair sticking out ... I figure I'm good for six months now. Hheheheee ....
Tell you what though ... Feeeeeeeeels Good!!!!!!! I'm even taking showers again.

I am on Meds ... I'll make no qualms about that. I used to be quite anti meds ... but I never really gave the process I go. Since working hard on a mental health plan ... having tried a few different types ... I figure I have gotten onto something that's helping me do right. I am taking a mild anti psychotic for extreme anxiety ... I'm getting good sleep now for the first time in ages. I can even handle going to a petrol station more than I could before ... I take antidepressant too and OK with that. I work with the psychotherapy and doctors and keen to keep them all informed. Long process it's been ... but no more outbursts or police intervention ... Phewwwww ... just thinking about it is scary ... because stuff like that is very hard to shake and unfortunately we do live in a world where people judge you on stuff like that. BUT .. I'm keen to let it go ... and live with myself .. plus the wife and older kids.

Anyways ... guess the next trip is to the park to make observations ... lol

Anyways ... that's pretty much my story. You can swing by my profile and catch my site in there I guess. If anyone can relate, please to sing out. I've definitely got the Social phobia among other things ... I don't need no DX or certificate to tell me that. I could make a long list ... but mental instability is a word that will do. Welfare got all that ... only thing left to do, is take the next step.

You guys got a photo section in this site? ... I saw an album back in the profile ... anyone want to share how that works???

Take care and all that ... follow the light!
Dave :)

[tailspin]

Hi Ponder, Welcome! It's good to meet you! And great to hear that your meds are working well for you now. This site is a really good resource and I hope you like it here. Regarding uploading photos to the album on your profile, it's possible you need a few more posts before you can do that. I'm not sure of the exact number, but I believe you need to make around 10 posts before other features of the site become available to you (sending private messages, for example). Look forward to seeing you around!

[Ponder]

Thanks for the welcome tailspin. Much appreciated. I really like your quote. A good reason I like to keep moving forward. I hope your doing as good as can be.

[Ponder]

A photo of the Park I walked in Yesterday ... layered in few features and a quote for the days creativity.
540

I'm not doing well today. Feeling very tired and just down right depressed. Just noting it is all ... I don't like to focus on those type of feelings. What I need to do maybe is have a few games on my com ... spend some time with the wife and then maybe hit the Bush trail where I feel more comfortable. I think heading out into the park with my gear and being so self conscious has effected me some how. Can't put my finger on it ... not to worry ... I'll work it out sooner or later. Definitely going to have to keep moving somehow though. Maybe I'll get some sleep ... thinking I will have to take my meds at 7 instead of 8 ... I'm sure it's more about feeling tired.

[tailspin]

Hi Ponder. Thanks for sharing that photo. It's nicely done. I love hiking and go out every day with my dogs. Sorry you're feeling tired and depressed today. Hope you were able to hit the bush trail and that it lifted your mood. Wishing you a good night's sleep and a better day tomorrow!

[Ponder]

Thanks Tailspin ... feeling a little better now. :)

[jessed03]

The park has always been a place of reflection in my life. Always manages to soothe me. Especially in the rain, when its empty. I just take a drink an umbrella and have a slow walk. Death, debt, depression. I've taken it all there over the years.

I totally feel you on that. I see all stages of life there; kids in the playground, schoolboys playing football, couples on benches, parents, and old people taking a walk. The line that moves us along. Everything will pass. A sad yet zen like thought.

Its kinda my only place. No Bush here sadly :) I'd probably spend the day photographing otherwise.

Your pic has an old feel to it. The editing reminds me of the romantic old photos around the war time. It would look right at home in an old ladies memory box :)

[Ponder]

That's beautiful Jessed03 ... Solitude with such an outlook displayed before ones eyes can give so much more meaning to life. I like the way you mentioned the quiet time in the park as well as the more lively - Experiencing both views from a peaceful position at different times is slowly giving me more appreciation, and whilst it may be sad to think of how life may come and go ... I'm reminded of a flower poem ... hmmmm ... one sec, I look it up ....
.....Found it:
“If there were nothing else to trouble us, the fate of the flowers would make us sad.” - John Lancaster Spalding

I really love that quote. Allow me to share with you the view I had today ... although it's comes as though seen by a child. :)
I'll get better with practice. ... I really did enjoy making that.

Nice to meet you Jesse ... and thanks for your insightful reply. :)

[Ponder]

I have a lot going on now, however made it back to the park again today. I went there because I wanted to be there and really pleased I did. I threw my sketch pad in my Bag and prepped some water and was on my way under the cover of my floppy hat ... LOL ... sunnys on too! Arrr how we tend to hide these days ... But to be fair that hat and glasses kept me from being blinded in the afternoon sun. I felt comfortable as I walked so could care less how I looked. I've always been more attentive to feeling more comfortable than what clothes I ware and feel this is important when going out for activities after being a virtual part of my chair for so long next to my keyboard.

I'm almost developing a new confidence as I lead with me big fut GUT ... looking for what's about to become my bench as I take my place to pull out my paper and pencils. Who's looking, am I too close to the children play things, will I leave my hat on or just take off the sunnies ... until eventually I'm just drawing and no longer caring.

But as I say ... despite always wondering ... it seems less than extreme and already I am looking forward to getting things done tomorrow so I can go again.

[tailspin]

Love the drawing from your earlier post, Ponder! Good one! So glad you have found such a wonderful place of refuge and sanctuary in the park. We all need somewhere like this in our lives. Your summer must just be starting now as we head into winter over here, so you have plenty of sunny days in the park ahead (mind you, I go out in all weathers year round and sometimes find hiking in the pouring rain to be quite cleansing - but that would not make it very easy to sit somewhere and draw!) Wishing you much peace and pleasure in your park!

[Angie 91]

Hello Ponder
You write really beautiful and a lot! -thats a good thing.
Do you sometimes feel like you have another language in these chat sites then the one you use in real life?
I wish you good luck.

[Ponder]

I'm so sorry I missed this Angie. That is an excellent question and I thank you for it.

First, please allow me for apologize as tonight I am very much feeling in despair. Very Low self esteem.

In real life ... well in real life I get on Facebook ... go to the Local Chronicle Page and Troll. I am SO messed up and frustrated with all the acting everyone seems to do. I'm not proud of it ... I just react to all the BS I see on such pages. I really should not log in and in fact, I think I'm gong to have to quit doing so. You know something, I just came from a Buddhism Forum with the intention to simply ask a thing or two on humanity ... but after reading their code of conduct, which I now do these days ... They actually had a clause in there; for people suffering a mental illness - basically go to this link. Seeeeeesh ... bad night I guess.

Again sorry Angie ... I have seen your name a few times, and honored you pop in to say hi ... again sorry I missed it.

For the most part I try to connect when I can ... Again ... I think on your question, but in a rather limited state ... That's a beautiful question, which I shall try to answer with as much eloquence:

Seriously I answer as straight as I can. In my walking life - I guess my language is based more in appearance and body movements. I think my inability to project confidently has me read before anyone would even dare to ask anything of me. I on the other hand am just as quick to read others. I fear basic human communication is suffering various side effects of being continually being hooked into what many term as a mass consciousness. I think there is good and bad in all that we do, however in relation to communicating in the real world ... despite the negative effects on basic human interaction VS the evolution on communication ...

I see people looking in to my eyes as deeply as I do to them ... not all, but enough to know or pick up on their demeanor. I'll do my best to greet hostility with a neutral eye with a dash of hope and acceptance, knowing full well negatives attract. Overly positives ... they drain me, and very quickly at that. One thing I had to stress to the last psychiatrist that I saw, was how all the information in the world "The Real World" - The walking world - is crippling me. It's everywhere I go and I can't stop it from getting in - The language of the real world is too confusing for me, or in fact is quite clear and something that makes me feel very small. It does not come through the look of compassion, a touch on the shoulder or "here, have my seat" ... once those things were common place, but have now been left to the implementation of a Facebook meme or those dozen likes so often sort for if only someone would agree.

I really hope you get what I am saying, despite my lack of inspiration here. That's why I apologized first ... really bad night. :(

So that's how I see language in the real word and how I convey it myself - The medicine I am on, helps me from becoming the time bomb as I, would otherwise be. If others can see better than me, then I am happy for them ... because I really don't want to be envious of anyone. I'm just so saddened that people box they way the do ... claim they don't ... but hey, like that forum - I had to come straight back here ... glad I did now.

What can I say ... my medicine is kicking in now. Might go to bed. I'm thankful for your acknowledgement .. that is to be sure. I like the internet despite my reservation on all that jazz about side effects ... I am hopping that people with instability can find some through others like themselves. I really would like to change my view ... perhaps living quietly in the real world and reaching out online is a good coping mechanism.

Whilst at times I go deep and get confused ... I am more the simple type, living in a complex world.

Thank You Angie ... wishing you well. Good night. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

[Angie 91]

Evening Ponder.
No need to be sorry, I have not been online for a couple of nights anyway, and never apologize for showing your feelings.
When you do, you are apologizing for the truth.

Social platforms such as Facebook, seems to cause frustration for a lot of people. It makes sense I guess, because we as a species, whose survival depends upon recognition and correlation have never had this tool before, which means there’s is no solid advice, no good explanation.
This development is new to our generation and because nobody's done it before, they haven't made up rules to stop anyone doing that again, yet many talk of a social burden, meaning you have to be able to show off a certain amount of friends, display public correspondences with your friends filled with inside-jokes for the world to see.
I believe we are in an early state of molding a social law-code for behavior.

I'll give this link, it is written by a young man who got so fed up with the standards of conversation in cyberspace, and he made a rage-post and shared it with every single one of his Facebook friends. It reached me last week.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/wait-but-why/annoying-facebook-behavior_b_4081038.html.

I do not have a very good final conclusion. I do believe people are reacting to needs and feelings more than a wish to entertain or inform of their social relations.
They are reacting to their basic human instincts. Today I posted this on Facebook. ”Ok… Ok the weather is crap and the week has been awful, but guesses who just ordered that pink dress I posted last week?” - see I write crappy, stupid things too. People are illogical, unreasonable, and self-centered. My advice: Love them anyways.

It was very wonderful that you wrote me back.

The social language of ”The Real World” is strange and highly confusing to me too. I experience bits of pieces of information I can process. I'm sort of running a secure routine. Unfortunately I think we are unable to dismember the world and rebuild it as something more comprehensible.

I perceive that most of these problems I have, are bound up in one fear; the fear of solitarity. It was designed to protect us as pack animals. We are by nature dependent upon sharing food, shelter and skills, to the ape nothing is more horrifying than not being able to communicate with the other apes. That fear is bound to our survival and incorporated into our brain and even as I'm typing this, these feelings are out there for old and young, innocent and guilty, those who are dreaming of being together and those who suffer their nightmares alone. It is with us in cars and malls and planes; in hospitals and forests and in classrooms. For some folks being alone is a welcomed release, and for others their loneliness is an abomination, a terrible thing; the exclusion. But in the end, that instinctual fear is here for all of us. When the first social mammals existed, It was there waiting. When the last of us dies, that connection will be done for too.

What do you make of this?

I hope you feel better today and that you at least could use some my rambling.
Let us all know how things are working out for you (remember we don't know this crap either, that’s the beauty)

I'll leave you with this (because I'm a lousy poet and my mind is easily distracted) Remember: that dreams sleep too soundly; that monsters are often betrayed by their appetites; angry all-consuming thoughts have one soft spot, somewhere, always! Good omens can be well-hidden, and you can betray your fears with your tongue and finally everyone who makes a big effort of telling how they do not care what other people are thinking is lying.


Take care.

- Angie

[Ponder]

Hi Angie ... Thanks for such an informative response. About the Facebook thing ... I'm done with Facebook. I only use it to keep in touch with me Children. As for the rage post and Facebook - To some it all up ... Self Interest and Glorification. Any disease that manifests can now spread faster than the bubonic plague with no boundaries. The term "social law-code for behavior" sounds scary. I refuse to be bound by any Law. Once beaten, any submission that follows will never come voluntary - you forever become a slave always looking over the fence to find there is nowhere to hide in a world without trees.

When I say forgive me, it's not about me beating myself up - I'm just trying to imply that I mean no offense by my demeanor and conscious of disrespecting others because of my view (or lack of it) Language can be rather complex online and like you say - still very much to be assimilated and cultured in a way that flows for the betterment of humanity as a whole.

Yes I am feeling a litter better now ... Thank You. :)
__________________________________________________ _________________

Your advice - "Love them anyways" I take a deep pause here -> and another deep breath ... LOL what can I say to that. I'm seriously done hating ... so exhausting and self defeating. Love is so more uplifting than pity. I know what you mean and think your just as much a bright spark for doing so, as you are for chatting with me. Your right ... I'll work on compassion. It's why I wanted to hook up at that forum I went to last night, but disappointed in the westernization of such things and that clause for mental illness ... well, you can be sure I won't be any part of such hypocrisy.

Really liked your explanation and or thinking on "...the fear of solitarity..." ... I love pondering on early primeval society, the hunters and gatherers. Whilst I get much out of all you write, that paragraph was AWESOME! I may not entirely get the whole gist, but like you say ... communication is key and I live it when people can relate things to our very beginnings. What do I think about that? I don't think I could possible answer in one paragraph like so. Man oh man ... I think Civilization is SO overrated, that in our conquests to become more than what we really are - we have, "but all lost" what makes us human.

Even our recollection of the past is tainted with such societal need to continue conquering all that has been conquered - the claim by the History Channel "Mankind The Story of all of us" dares to claim "amongst the chaos of our planet no other species would of survived and bla bal baaaa" When the truth is, Mankind's domination to assimilate even their own kind in some quest for power and glory is in fact the very reason other species become extinct and the planet now suffering in its wake. The documentary is still interesting, but the perspective given, clearly shows a continuing trend to making the same mistakes. Self glorification and justification for mans fallibility to continue destroying itself and all that lay before it. Anything to continue living the way they do.

The connection of which you speak ... Much of what I see in all those places in which we ants fuss about - is conveyed 24/7 without question on billboards, windows, speakers, monitors, screens, Tv's, ATMs, doors, buss's, cars, trains, waiting rooms, seats, gas stations, gas pump, gas handle, cell phones, smart phone, ipod, mp3, ear plugs, pants, shoes, shirts and so and on. It's too much ... much of the content is to sell something and given the indignity that plays into such advertising it's driving people beyond into solitary places withing their heads, so that many end up giving in and can no longer function by themselves at any rate. Perhaps off tack to what your getting at, however it plays into it as well.

Is it any wonder people want to be on their own. A place where they can shut themselves out from the constant bombardment of constant static. Perhaps society should stop trying to assimilate everyone as they do ... when people are in their homes the waves of all that information is still rolling in their heads ... the addicted ones that feed off all this, will naturally switch on the TV, computer, log into the menu screen on their fridge, check the phone for messages, grab their tabulate and now they can resume the bambarde4md from room to room. 24/7 surrogates we have become -

I've always been fascinated with science - as much as I have with nature. The separation of these two things are about as detrimental as combining church and state. I remember reading children's books about the Micro Chips in the 70's ... Despite my turbulent upbringing I have seen very well the transition of those huge computers that take up a whole room ... to learning about programming on an apple green screen in high school - to building a 486 with still large electronic parts down to the high end parts I still order in my effort to keep up with technology. It's amazing how today's smart watches (not phones) are now bordering comparable to Nasa's entire computing power when man went to the moon.

Absolutely staggering - so the the CO2 levels over that period as well. It's not so much the tech itself by more mans inability to keep up with such advancement. Then comes the Einstein quote that I keep pumping out -> I fear the day that technology will surpass our human interaction. The world will have a generation of idiots. ................................ It's here ... right now!

I have a unique perspective as much as my homeless one has given me with regard to being mindful -Eckhart Tolle - park bench affairs (repeating myself again here) The ability to reach that place where there is nowhere else left to go but within - a journey we must all suffer to some degree, as much as a plant grows in strength from exposure and seasonal change. (with such changes now affected as well) People don't want to suffer - therefore amidst the great exterior of looking their best and all their things - not even their gadgets can help them in this respect - it's just as Einstein suggests.
__________________________________________________ ______________________

What's the antidote ....... well, it's certainly not memes, froth and bubble. It's just accepting the way things are I guess. I'm looking forward to working out more on what’s within. I want to unlearn, speak out against that which is consuming people whilst as you say ... still love em. Yet in saying that - I'm for the instinctual awareness and getting in touch with those long lost ways of being, which I believe to be much different than the emotion of which are taught and imprinted today. I'm all for disconnecting to much of that and embracing to going back to the ways of long ago ... however, this must be achieved in a different world with new challenges that make such a task as difficult and the ecological tipping point that is now upon us.

We need to change out pattern of thinking as a species and or make peace as best we can without ourselves and make do as best we can until and embrace our end helping others along the way.

That's what I think. ... from my thoughts to your thoughts. :)

[Ponder]

Than You Angie I am feeling much better now. :)

[Ponder]

Before I head out into my yard ... I wanted to say I see much poetry in all you say ... :)

[Angie 91]

Hi Ponder

I really enjoy readning your thoughts, thank you for sharing all that.

"It's just accepting the way things are"
"We need to change out pattern of thinking as a species and or make peace as best we can without ourselves and make do as best we can until and embrace our end helping others along the way."


I get what you are saying here and I agree.
Allow me to share some thoughts on

I'm happy to have made that uniquely human intuitive leap and roped the early primeval society and nature into the realm of philosohy and cryptic words and impossible fears. It's very encouraging :)

About society, You make really good points and there is something I wish to share with you:
I read an awful lot about ealry societis (Archaeologist) and the human need/problems in this institution.
functions like laws are here to serve us (for better or worse depending on your view, wich is always changing from where you are standing)
Here's a theory about evil, bad feelings and chaos;
Evil just happens.
Like ground fog, it rises up in miniscule, intangible amounts.
Like a dog-shit stink, it sticks to your clothes.
Unlike stink, however, you can pass evil on if you choose.
When a person gets enough evil passed into him, he can either ground it or do something really wicked to pass it further along, diffusing it to hundred or thousands or millions of others. and well maybe sometimes the evil charge is so great, the right thing for the guy to do is simply die?
Get crushed by a tank in China or let the Nazis kill him before he rats out the Jews he's hiding.
Get nailed to a cross, for all I know, Not that I'm a Christian now.
Save the soul of humanity?
(note, that these are reflections, thoughts and not political opinions we are dealing in philosophy)

Here's how it works.
You get up in the morning and your shoestring breaks. It pisses you off – creates a negative emotional charge. You express it by flicking off a fellow motorist. Now she's got the negative charge, so she gets to work and yells at her secretary, who goes home and withholds sex from her boyfriend, who provokes an argument and then goes out drinking, and whose hangover makes him flick off five people in traffic the next day, by which time you've forgotten all about your shoelace.
Many people I've talked with find this theory rather offensive "So if I'd just laughed off my problems, it would have forestalled unhappiness and therefore evil?”
It might be unfair and not true at all, but as a human I have to ask "but, why not?”
The theory might be flawed, sure seems that it would take a lot of shoelaces to turn into someone like Anders Breivik.

But the idea is: If you confront your misery as your own instead of making it everyone else's, you protect the world from it.
Stateing this as a truith: Evil and chaos just happens, but good and order has to be chosen. Very succinctly put. yet it Kind of stacks the deck toward human misery, doesn't it? :S


I've read theories about this.

Categorical Imperative; says intent is all that matters. Any time you use a person merely as a means to an end, insteadof considering her with the regard due to a person with inherent value, you commit an unethical act. But if you do the wrong thing for the right reason you're okay.

Utilitarianism; is the opposite. Result is all that matters. If it's the greatest good for the greatest number, it's good. Now, there are some jazzy variations on this that hedge it with rules so you don't condone 51 people killing and eating and stealing the gold fillings of 49 people, but basically 'greatest good for greatest number.' Utilitarianism has no problem with doing the right thing for the wrong reason.

I think these thoughts and balance between chaos and order, and the confusion in between it is what might make us fearful as a species.
I hope you find this as interesting as I do.

Kind regards and great respect,

-Angie

[Ponder]

Hi Angie, hope you are well. Thanks for the continued engagement here. I like it when people look at the causes instead of constantly focusing on how the body typical reacts. (Albeit of great concern, no doubt) About the Archaeologists; I am very skeptical of the reports, because of the tainted History Channel presentations from the United States. Such presentations seem to focus more on Glorification and Romance. I find the speculation, too speculative, often woven to suit more a story that is led more by the presenter’s feelings coupled with special effects and a neat ending; than it is by the diggings and or lack of find.

Don’t get me wrong – I am also interested in the study of our human evolution, and speculation has to be sort in order to asses and compare; I’m just very wary of the various “Pictures” painted. It happens when one discovers, all that they once believed was nothing more than deception – AKA Religion. Which I shall sum up my reservation on Archaeology and the findings presented to the public, by further complicating into that mix, the influence of Politics and Religion itself.

I guess we watch too much TV and TV is a great way of molding the minds – Entertainment has its place but such mediums are controlled with a sense of that “Categorical Imperative” theory you mentioned. When I explain to the psychiatrist about my mind closing off (and adverse affects) to all the imprinting that goes on in the world, all I could hear in his response was “we are all subject to it, not just you “

No whilst I understand this doctor is more assessing me for paranoia as he would later come up with, I have to say – that even the doctors we see, and the responses they came up with, very much indicate to me, that Yes – Both those theories you mention are indeed, very much at play here – so much so, that you can almost predict the responses from professional will ultimately be influenced, by the influence of such ideals so commonly subscribed to by our evolving societies.
__________________________________________________ ______________________

What’s all that mean … well, I guess I’m just trying to clear the tainted water as well as not just agreeing with those theories you have shared, but also going one more to suggest that not only is there a large element of truth to them, but they make sorting through whatever findings all the more difficult.

I think it plays into this fear of which you speak. I would dumb it down some to simply say, it explains why we humans have major trust issues, amidst different circumstances to that of the past. That for all the greater good; man has bitten of more, than he/she can chew.
_________________________________________

EVIL … WOW … I like you’re the way you hit on that and clearly get what you mean about how such can manifest. Very interesting. However I have to have a break before thinking on that one : )

Then I would like to tell you what I think about LAW … Having been subject to it most of my life, through both the Societal and Church versions. No doubt weighs heavily on my Antiauthority Complex. I would like to talk about LAW and its proper purpose. Might be good for me.

Have to get ready to see my therapist today. Much broils within my of late. Going to score everything a 3 today … My wife’s illness has flared up – home from hospital but she agonizes all night in and out of bed. I feel very much for her and I also struggle to help at times because of the powerful meds I am on – double whammy for me, but alas – I try to think of her pain and rub as gently as I can. We have house inspection today and I am starting to fall ill myself – with this, there is also some appeal going on with a Welfare Claim regarding Disability as The professionals all agree that I can’t keep a job – but the government rejects the findings with an appeal going on … blab la bla … (which is standard and expected) Pressures of existing regardless of all these gratifying claims, of being able to eat and drink can be rather shallow and incomparable to the SHAME of simply having to breath – to be accountable for each time tax money goes into sustaining those not contributing, regardless of going through the hoops. There may be food and water on offer in supposedly 3rd world countered, but the suicide rate is a extreme as those effected by storms.

Don’t get me wrong – I feel for those others around the world, and in fact my Dad lives in the Philippines with his wife … but let’s keep things real and no down play the suffering of others, because charity given here and there … let’s exposé the fallibility in which it’s given - and the cost of taking it.

Hell … 25 million in a relief fund to help those storm victims is Pathetic … Yet it’s sensationalized to make it look like more than it is. Then as you say – comes the justification of how deserving one really is for the greater good of the whole.

Take care …………. The sun is up and despite the haze, it’s good to see all the same.

[Dahila]

That's the best topic and conversation I had read in the last ten years. I love you both Angie and Ponder. Please continue ;)

[Ponder]

Thank You Dahila - I am encouraged. Please do feel free to add anything at all. HUGS to you also :) - I am thankful for Angie taking such time to talk like this with me ... Thank You Angie :)
I have to admit to both of you, I was worried this was going to be seen as too negative - and I even questioned myself a little today on this, but I need to look at some of these things, regardless of the effort and also my own ...hmmmmm ... me being a hypocrite of sorts too. Again, very thankful for your comment Dahila and definitely welcome you all the more.

I can't think, but thought today ... Gee Dave, you can't say that ... missed it now, but I'm sure it was some kind of judgment I made. Alas that's the risk many of us take when we open up I guess.

Just took my medicine so will just focus on the Evil as I understand it in human nature and perhaps as it stands today. I don't think I can be as concise Angie but again 100% VERY thankful for the way you made such a delivery with me. I'm kind of not well, but want to talk all the same. I am very upset at how much of my sole I invested into a faith I once had. I put everything I had into such a relationship with said higher power/creator. I have no doubt that this was very real and it helped me get through the hardest of times and even when I was at my most wretched moments all alone with nothing, I still looked to light rather than wanting to do much of the evils I could of done and did. No doubt we all have our lessons to learn -

I guess when I found out how humans can create and manipulate - learned much of the history of the world and see through all the superficiality that plagues the now world - bitterness and despair run deep. Loosing it ... srry

EVIL ... Some say it's just humanities way, and that no society in Earths history has gone without War. A recent comment in another part of the forum - that really touched my heart (and thanks bro, really appreciated the participation) ... about how humans just can't get by without killing each other; type thing. At the end of the day, I think many of us think - WHY? I just don't buy into the Us and Them factor that comes from religion and patriots. Although I do believe such adds to the problem in a huge way. Again, picture doomsday preppers saying a prayer before having a meal, then grabbing their weapons to kill anyone that approaches their space, looking for food? Point & Case, wrapped in one. Is it any wonder that the armed forces embrace religion - it plays right into the dominance of it all.

Evil ... "we are all born in Sin" Really? I can see why it looks that way - anyone could, but just imagine for one second if all along; it's been the story teller who made sin up to begin with? "The presenter" There is no doubt that ever since the evolution of complex beings, that everything has had to compete to survive- BUT - are they really competing? Like plants and animals all have the defense and attack instincts, however in all the history of the Earth, who can claim that they have taken more than they need? Plants and animals know where they stand with each other and coexist without the need to dominate entire spices and or areas. The do this despite the painful deaths lessons they must each endure. Man dares to talk as if we did not take the earth for ourselves that some other species would of done it in the same manner.

Is it that we think of animals so lowly that we don't consider the early humans as a society worth considering. Is it too much to consider that early humans could of possibly had moments of pleasnetry during their timeless existence. The so called time scale of life expectancy that scares so many of us is but non existent to people of the past. I wonder how people can be so quick to write off these beings as less intelligent because of the lack of tools and communication to which think from a position in which we could never read. Pffft - I'd take gesturing with a few mummers enough to get by, for what arrogance is it, of us not to think that they could of been doing so much more than that.

EVIL ... do we attempt to rate their evil by our own standards of living today? I don't believe we were born with sin at all. I believe it has evolved as much as human conciseness has ... that moment when we decided to take more than what we needed.

I wonder how we should read into the animals fighting for Territory in a shrinking world - clearly ever since the discovery of the scientific method, much of that world significantly shrunk to affect the behavior of animals. It's said that the invention of rubber led lead the decimation of much habitat and add to that medicine and on and on - I'd say that much of the behavior of animals with has never been the same since man has destroyed so much of the planet. Even the Romans made an impact on wildlife.

I've probably not made much sense with this post tonight ... Time for bed now. I can see how easy it is to present the fallen apple story - but honestly, I think "Evil is the price Man gets for having a so called Conscious mind" To build on this superficial enlightenment - requires the domination and repressions it's own members and the dispatching of lesser members and species that stands in its way. This is way I look to nature for stilling my mind. Time is Fear - Man has made fear a sickness rather than it being as being should be.

Take care ... good night or I hope you guys have rested well.
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

[Dahila]

Ponder are you picking my brain? The world and evil in it, disgusts me so much. I am cutting myself from news, and watching anything on Tv. Beside that "human manipulation" I am being gentle now, are really changing our beautiful planet, changing it for us and animals. Every day some of the animals or plants or insects disappeared, we ruin everything. Look at the changes in weather and "natural disasters" So many lives and suffering induced because we are so hungry for " power" . Half of ocean are already our garbage bin....eh
There is no way back. I was talking to my friend on fb yes infamous Facebook. After sharing some disgusting pictures of tortured dogs by "scientist" I said that I am happy, I will not be much longer on this planet. He is 80 and he gave me a piece of his mind for that:). I would like to discuss it more but I am not as fluent in writing as I am in reading or speaking (with the accent though:))
What you feel many of us do, ,,,,please continueeeeeeee:)

[Ponder]

Hi again ...
I guess once we can actually accept death, then living can actually begin. Whilst acknowledging the obvious cesspool we have created on this planet, it bears thinking that in expelling such sickness form our minds. that we should also be aiming to create our own end. I mean if people can angst over eternal suffering by having simply been taught to believe like so, then how much more could we create for ourselves the completely opposite ... and ending that brings about bliss through death itself. The beauty of our situation in the cesspool, is that death will come to us all sooner or later. I often tell many people I look forward to one day waking up and suddenly realizing just how OLD I have become. Perhaps that's why so many of us are growing old before our time - it's actually not a bad thing, given the circumstances to the madness that now reigns. What's sadder is how that make so many people cling to life with all those tubes and drugs to keep them lingering. Mans on Hell created by himself.

No doubt there will always be an element of the unknown - but if we had not become the conscious beings we claim so much worth on, and cling too, then we would not of suffered nearly as much as man now subjects himself and others too.

What we think we become - is as much a predisposition as living in the modern age and others telling us, what we eat we become and or telling us of just how much choice we have despite many of those man made killers that profit from our weakness and or designer made addictions. The whole thing about marveling at technology is more flawed than the faith that was put into the Titanic which was too busy catering to the needs of personal messages whilst the warning of approaching doom went unheeded. Technology in the hand of fools - That is a classic example that plays right into Einsteins quote of technology surpassing mans ability to interact - all those of the under class where right at the bottom behind LOCKED gates as the higher classes would have it. G0 figure. Who in their right mind wants to be part of such a society.

Disconnect ... absolutely! Only way to connect with what little is left of out minds. I have a mind to come off my meds eventually ... when the time is right. How do I make such timing? My body will let me know - at the moment, I have no problem believing my condition is very much influenced by the system in which I have to account to - Meds are more a means to facilitate their need more than it is mine - figure that one out.

We need to connect with what little nature is left and we need to do it on a personal level ... NOT pretty little pictures with memes that run across the top. over 20 years now with my partner (Hell - the language of humans is overrated as well - WIFE means nothing going my today's standards.

I was thinking how social media has plagued the communication between my wife and I, as well as fed more negative thoughts than positive ones. The positive ones last no longer that the time it takes sugar to dissolve in ones mouth and the addiction is very much the same with negative results that eventually topple us. Once we use to talk to each other upon waking from our sleeping state - now we tend to simply log in to our little devices as soon as our hands come move - right there in the bed- ear phones in and all. We have slowly evolved from making that eye contact, even hugging - to now just texting while in the same bed - One really needs to have their head read if people can not see the damage that is doing - and I suggest getting a medium to do that reading and not some brainwashed money addicted doctor who too, has his own intention twisted up in those same devices to keep the bread and bling bling coming.

got to go ..... that's my rant for now. Time to create our won endings - smell what little is left and embrace the peace regardless of that unknown man would rather have us fear.

I had my days mixed up and today is my therapist day ... wish me luck - again I am a sick man that triggers very very easily, yet I can write like so in here. Thank You again for you compassion. That is very warming to me and I hope that we like people meet again after we no longer have to suffer this life ... I do so begin to think that we can believe in such things as to do so is a far better cry than which society would otherwise have us think. Whilst I now go and fight the beast that was put in me - I would much rather think in tune with people like yourselves.

Take care ... goto go.
Peace Out
David

[Dahila]

I think in my situation the tv took over our life. The internet is my shelter. My hubby is disabled and he is watching 12 or more hours of tv everyday. He forgot that I am here, I can even talk to him because he is always interested in what is on the screen. Beside that he is a walking Wikipedia :) I communicate more with the people on computer than with the real ones....but maybe it is my fault.
Connection to nature is the only way out the hole we got ourselves in.... I hope that I will meet again my long lost dogs and many friends who gave up. I hope, at the same time believing that here and now.

[Ponder]

Well my mate Dazza knows what's going on better than I do. He died a few ago of brain cancer. He was really brave meeting his end - I don't do funerals, but said my goodbyes at his side when and where it counted most. I think the internet has it's place - but I also think it's too much too fast for most people. Glad it's working for you guys though. I'm into science, but in the same way I have seen it wane from my step father in his twilight years, I am beginning to loose some interest myself as it becomes more commercialized. In saying that though - I still marvel at the nighttime sky and use it to think up whatever comes to mind ... travel to places out of this world and fantasize in that.

I wish I could write Sci-fi ... I'd try to come up with some fanciful place in which we could all get along without the need for interstellar war. Sigh ...

Well ... I'm feeling a Little better this afternoon ... going to go for my walk. http://i184.photobucket.com/albums/x16/monkish_12/animated/Carl_walk.gif (http://media.photobucket.com/user/monkish_12/media/animated/Carl_walk.gif.html)

[Dahila]

I wish i could write Sci-fi too, I love it and I am very passionate about Sci-fi . I got the book in library about chemicals adventures by dr Szwarz. Dave, I do not do funerals too, it does not make sense for me. Funerals are for the family. you do nothing for the lost one. Science started to work against humanity in my humble opinion. Founded by cooperation does not give anything to us. Science is used to make more money and power for a small group of people. Of course science has a lot of blame for what is going on with our planet.
Your walking make hungry :))

Internet is too fast for most people, and this is when we have to chose our activities. You can not follow everything, it is physically impossible. I am choose only places that help me with my hobbies or help me with my health :)) The rest can go to hell :)

[Ponder]

I don't like using the word blessing much because of how smeared and haphazardly it's used ... but in this case Dahlia - You are a blessing of sorts that I cannot place my finger on - but a blessing to be true from a source deep within. Perhaps such comes through a person from a place although not totally understood, it's none the less fostered with passion, and I'm honored when others can share such a tone with me. You have a gift Dahila and I've seen it in much of your writings. Thank You.

http://i181.photobucket.com/albums/x30/davekyn/walkingmanresized_zps3881939d.gif (http://s181.photobucket.com/user/davekyn/media/walkingmanresized_zps3881939d.gif.html)I'm going to go for anther walk and think more on this science we speak of. :) ... I'm actually going to begin writing up a story board for the fun of it. I flow a little more with freestyle writing and will let the poetry sit for a bit. I mean just writing posts in here can also be a ways to practice such expression at any rate. I'm feeling inspired to some degree and going to walk with that for a bit. Hope this finds you all well.

[Dahila]

Walk does good to the body, I see it already:). Thanks and please share your writing, knowing you for a short time, I expected it to be very exiting.

[Ponder]

LOL ... if only. My walking will best shape my mind long before it does my body. hehe ...

As for writing ... just thinking about different stories ... to get ideas:

I’m thinking SCI/FI needs a little more reinvention – The whole saga of conflict is getting too boring of late. Same old same old. ZZZZZZzzzzzzz. The TV genre has lost its way for me. Too much “conflict & Glamour” - with more fantasy based on the same things – over and over. I understand it’s aimed at the younger audiences who’ve been groomed on such entertainment.

I’d like to see more sci-fi with emphasis on something other than our own cultural hang-ups, governments and other likewise organizations. I see sci-fi often modeled on the animal world but more so on imagery than inherent behavior. When they do incorporate a social structure it always seems to be tainted with what the masses think a society should be. I guess that’s the price paid for popularizing the genre itself.

I like sci-fi’s that highlight the stark contrast between extraterrestrials and Civilizations with humanity being dealt some harsh reality that shatters mans ego. Such does not have to be a violent story and I believe a good example of that would be the movie “The day the earth stood still” The latest version of that story was done rather nicely I thought.

Anyways – just thinking out loud for now … http://i181.photobucket.com/albums/x30/davekyn/754953_zpsf8a43b7e.gif (http://s181.photobucket.com/user/davekyn/media/754953_zpsf8a43b7e.gif.html)

[Dahila]

I like good sci-fi but there is not much of that. I started to read books I never thought I will :) Does it make any sense? Science adventures and good novels. With tv series; nothing good there. I wish they make some really good tv series. Do u like Dune? I am huge fan of Fran and Brian now, who is continuing the books from his father notes. Many people tell that I am crazy to be fan of Dune. I do not care, really. I am sick of brave and smart people, who alway win. If anyone or anything comes here, it or they will be much more developed than humanity. I think we have a long way to develop into decent being. We are on the beginning......I honestly hope that maybe one hundred years from now the goodness in people will take over ....write please :)))

[Ponder]

Hi Dahila, hope you are well. I should look up more books by these guys. I have to admit, that I struggle with more modern Authors. I've always felt much older than I am and now that I am approaching 50, I have dissociated myself, from the common ideals that often arise from the more modern writings. When I think of it like that, it is actually interesting to see how such stories have evolved from one generation to the next.

Arrrr DUNE! The Zen Like warrior "Paul Atreides" all dressed up in his fine clothes, filled with conviction to fight along side the desert people. He first has to win over the desert dwellers and in doing so, drives back the dreaded Harkonnens who's goal it is, to take the highly sort after spice Melange. A LOT of today's generation just don't get the 80's as much as those in the 80's did not get the 60's (they thought they did, but IMO it takes 2 decades to get an idea; and when that time passes, welcome to our world ... LOL) But not to worry as the generational gaps are becoming somewhat shorter, leaving others out in the cold sooner than they anticipated.

By far DUNE is a classic and I have it along many others in my collection. The action was not drawn out like it is today. The styling with art and culture was way ahead of its time with regards to the movie itself - I would actually have to say, that any Sci-Fi fan that knows what Sci-Fi is really about, that DUNE is high on the list. Alas - that's the difference with how such is unfolding ... I guess I am just a classics sci-fi guy now, with little to look forward to given the trash that's been pumped out in recent times.

Goes without saying I read mostly Isaic Asimov and whilst he was regarded as the modern Sci-Fi writer of his day, I've often heard it said by many today, that they can't understand his writing. just like I can't handle those of today. I don't know if you have heard of the movie "Independence day" At first I liked it, but as more and more have now come up with all the same kind of repetitive Us vs Them Saga; I now feel sick when I am just browsing my collection and come across "Independence day" LOL It's like watching a History Channel presentation on America. Time to be still and bask in the mighty glory of such an empire filled with much greatness that unties all under it's ideals, that has struggled SO hard and learned much from its ordeals ... ZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzz I'm am so glad you do not watch TV Dahila - The WWII documentaries that they pump out continually one of the other seem to of gone from what I thought was once more intended "Lest We Forget" to an almost indoctrination like presentation that's drilled over and over with a commentary that builds on much of the same storyline delivered in Hollywood Movies of the Great Western Empire and how grateful the world should be that they stand as the peace makers bla bla bla ... yet more like an ominous presence to the rest not under such ideals - Bit like religion with it's "either you with us or against us".

But yea ... Other than the fact we really can't afford the monthly subscription cost to such trash - we have decided not to pay our TV bill and let the signal be cut from their end. I have a huge collection for my own means and will go back to downloading by choice which requires a little more thought, other than the ease of pressing a button. I don't know Dahila -

Creation Stories seem to offer more good with a lesson that highlight more cause and effect as opposed to such glory seeking endings that make me sick. Going to make some Breakfast and think on that ... creations stories with the seeding of this and that planet with the watchers that may have or may not have strings. Hmmmm ...

[Ponder]

Now I am thinking of Ridley Scott and the Aliens Mythology which eventually led to the film PROMETHEUS. Although Prometheus is said to be a prequel to the Alien Series, however there has been much debate on that with a lot of people getting lost in the concept of the "Engineers and planet seeding" At the end of the day, I thought that movie gave something different than what one has come to expect from your run of the mill prequels. Defiantly another one that can be watched more than once. Seems modern generations are expecting perfection with anything that does not adhere to the scientific principle as mere pseudoscience. It's like comparing religion and science in their most rigid forms - There is a reason the word fiction is put on the end of science.

Hmmmmmm ... Brings to mind another book I can't quite name - about a church flying about in space. It was interesting enough with all the dogma in place, conquering from one world to another with away missions each having a story all of their own. The another I can't remember as well, about a society that has machines looking after humanity with babies being moving along conveyor belts and raised by robots. Eventually man ends up destroying the robots and ending up in a world with very little for resources. The main character in the beginning end up raising a family in a burnt out home, going from a little Amish like community - to building a space ship and heading out into space. Something like that.

Here is one I can recommend - The Rim of Space by A. Bertram Chandler.
http://www.bertramchandler.com/novels/rimofspace.aspx

I sometime get mix up with the stories I have read - but the really good ones have various moments that stick. I just don't have the patients to sift through all the new stuff as once again, just so much crap out there now.
I really need to go through my ebook collection, start reading and throw out the trash. I have to admit, I am one of those type that if the first couple of paged to not draw me in, I will toss the book and or delete. Having said that, there have been those rare moments I put up with the first chapter to think ... Finlay it's worth reading after all. Too much action like in the movies will have me rolling my eyes - I like descriptive writing that sets the scene as well as knowing what the different charters are thinking. I find some writers are better at expressing compassion than others - I'm not really into swearing, violence and Sex as I am finding with a lot of new books of late ... at the first sign of such filth I usually throw away those books as well. - There is enough of that SHIT on TV and in the real world without having to swallow it in a form that I find very personal. If I stick with such trash, it's because it's brought up in a context that highlights it for the trash I see it to be ... basically your primitive societies and the like ... then yea, then I find that interesting and usually plays into the story quite well - on the other hand, its more of the glorification crap with no real story at all.

Well ... that's enough rambling from me - Next I think I will look into mixing spirituality with science - perhaps some of that pseudoscience that others cannot fathom. :)

[Dahila]

I take books from library, I left a huge collection of art and sci-fi and classic books back home. It was tough. I miss my books, I do not even know who have them. I started to collect the books when I was ten (I am much older than you Ponder) :) It is heart breaking to leave so many treasures behind, You should read Polish sci-fi writer, Stanislaw Lem. The movie "Astronaut wife" was based of his book. He is like Asimow described as modern, not necessary better. Frank Herbert wrote the series, and left behind a lot of notes, explaining why and where and who. His son Brian cooperating with another journalist wrote a few books, keeping the same style, based on Frank notes. It is incredible how much Frank left behind. Dune is my favorite, the best friend when I feel down. then I switch to Isabel Allende or Ken Follet, british writer. I have cable tv but it is almost impossible to watch, with my partner moods. I just watch everything here on internet. i am trying to recall a good sci-fi series......................thinking.............S targate SG1, then Alphas which was a bit better than heros, The outer limits were awesome, definitely my favorite.....Yeah history channel and prezentation of Us as it was and is that's the best Sci-fi series :)))))))) When I watch something I ten to watch nature movies and, animal planet, that it. Animals are the creatures i do understand, people not so much..:)) How was the walk?

[Ponder]

Afternoon Dahila. 4:00PM 11/Nov -
I just checked the Stanislaw Lem on Google and Wiki. Yea, I will source out his book Solaris. Sounds very interesting! ( and I also asked my wife about the movie. It's now on the wish list. I did see that movie the "Astronaut Wife" and liked it. They always say the book is better, so might try that one later as well. Thanks for the steer, always good to meet a new author.

Solaris:
In probing and examining the oceanic surface of the planet Solaris from a hovering research station the human scientists are, in turn, being studied by the sentient planet itself, which probes for and examines the thoughts of the human beings who are analyzing it. Solaris has the ability to manifest their secret, guilty concerns in human form, for each scientist to personally confront.

The Walk went well thanks ... I made sure I did 30 minutes before sitting down in the park and pulling out my wireless full sized keyboard and started typing into the 7inch Star Trek think pad which came out next. LOL ... The topic was suppose to be spirituality and science, but somehow got I lost in that. Hehe ...

Now I all I can think about is finding a source to download Solaris. ...

Arrrr ... So your a finer vintage than me Dahila. That's great to know :) I always did get along with older folk, even the grumpy ones ... hehehe Just saying is all ... woof woof ... as I get like so in my own ruts. The walking is definitely helping and this time having the move is keeping me motivated! Seriously - weight loss is secondary to the benefit I am already feeling. I'm all for just increasing the number of steps I take Dahila ... that's why I am trying to do it 2 to 3 times a day and just concentrating on that.

You know what I came up with with, regarding my little typing session in the park - was basically how the upper class rely on technology up until it's too late, thinking their stock will fair them well into some kind of Government Noah's Ark program, in much the same way religion makes promises in the afterlife. It's as if those that are not in denial, think it's OK to treat the planet like a tissue, because either Intellect or Faith will save them. It was interesting how the Aliens in "The Day The Earth Stood Still" had implanted their own kind throughout mans history in an attempt to steer man away from evolving in its self destructive ways ... all attempts failed which lead to their decision to wipe us all out. The one thing I take stock in, is knowing that mans end, will not discriminate that way humans have done. Either we truly all become equals whilst alive, because we sure as hell will be - when were all dead.

The writing is clear that eventually billions will die, and if man claims it will not be so, then you can be assured of a continued hell on earth supporting those sheltered from the extremes. The outcasts of old sci-fi stories are becoming more real with each passing year with man still living in denial ... religion I find to be a great escape that gives an excuse to live the way they do ... even to have people suffering and play their part, yet if it be such a good lesson, how about we take all that they have and send them on their way without night as it is written ... BOY oh BOY ... would that not throw w spanner in their works ... bring out a few Lions and test the good ol faith ... Non religious intellects that play the same tune to prosperity and enrichment, they too are on my list ... LOL ... Whatever Dave ...

The walking is indeed charging me up some. I enjoy writing and rewriting about these things ... each to their own I guess, except when its so damn insufferable and full of so much deceit ... Where is the hope, where is the good without all that sugar coated sales links and or testimonials ... but wait there's more ... for only $$$$ you can get your ticket to freedom today. If the world does indeed continue on its current path, then I am going to have to start dreaming up my own pretty little life after death scenario.

Got any ideas? Like the Sirius Star mob on youtube that make contact with the entity there and then manifest the message of great support in our time of need. I know, perhaps I can construct some new technological looking "thing" and claim it's picking up signal's from newly discovered X0Planets ... throw in some phyco babble and give constant updates via Youtube myself ... How about I ware a tinfoil hat ... seen that done a few times now.

Anyways ...hope this finds you well ...

Again thanks for the new Author ... I will find a source and start reading Solaris. :)

[Ponder]

Forgive my humor there Dahila, as I am becoming much more open to spiritual mediums as well as opening my mind up outside the box so to speak. My unfortunate Christian upbringing has led me to be rather judgmental of others, seeing myself as a more deserving individual. It can take a lifetime to overcome such complexes. Mum would never come and visit now that we have so many objects that symbolize other faiths within our house. Generally my wife and I are respectful of other faiths, that do not see themselves above others. My wife is open to a spirit world of sorts and also thinks outside the common restriction of religion itself.

[Angie 91]

Evening,
Dear Ponder, Dahila
-and others who finder their way to this thread.

I have not been very active lately I know :(
Yet I read all your posts since my last visit. Ponder I am very worried for your wife and you I hope you will be able to draw the strength you need from your wisdom which I know you have in plenty

sigh, Anxiety is a strange substance.
With tea mugs in hand, we wander rooms, looking on shelves for something we will recognize: a book title, a photograph, the teak-carved bird --a souvenir from what place? A memory almost rises when our eyes rest on a painting's grey sweep of cloud, or the curve of a wooden leg in a corner. Fingertips faintly recall the raised pattern on a chair cushion, but we wonder how these things have come to be here, in this stranger's home..
Lost words drift in places where time has collapsed. We look into our thoughts and hearts for what has been forgotten, for what has gone missing.
What did we once care about? Whom did we love? We are emptied. We are remote...
I guess we read and write to know that we are not alone..

Pardon the melodrama ;) I like words a lot.

I do not find that the world is evil. evil is what we experience as bad actions, unplesant feelings and unethical decisions. in Nature those things are left to coincidence and circumstances there is no justice for the wounded gazelle. their world is easily understood i suppose.
as I've already said I think of it as a spiral force created by these animalistic instincts designed to keep us alive. -however since the we are now "aware" it is no longer a survival no matter the cost game.
But evil exists, it exist because of us, not because we create is but because we perceive it and name it.
Maybe that is the point?

I'm glad you are during fine.
Your discussion regarding space and sci-fi is very intriguing! I'm reading a lot too..
I can recommended "The Ocean at the End of the Lane" by Neil Gaiman and book where very strange things happens to memory and reality vs dreams

I'll write more soon
It is nice to share,
Thank you very much.

-Anige

[Dahila]

Angie thank you, you got me :) I was there and felt like you do. The only problem I am not so easy with the words. You just remind me how beautiful English is. Only people who do not read can not understand it. Thanks for the book info, will order in library. Done, I also ordered Interworld , it is about time walker, I like the subject. Sometimes I feel like time walker. What kind of tea is in your cup Angie?

Ponder, solaris always causes geese skin, brrr the idea is kind of horror. Lem's books are incredibly well written but I am always sad when I read his books.
I am busy with the bread, trying my new dutch oven, and my grandchild, she will come any minute now for a sleepover at grannma:) She is 7 and works on me better than Lorazepam. How it is possible that I feel so calm, and happy when she sits on my lap, or talks to me about the week (I do not see her a lot due my working on afternoons) Be back tomorrow :)
Keep walking Dave:)

[Ponder]

Thanks for popping back in Angie … I know we all have our things going on in the background which is why it gladdens me like so every time I see your posts wherever I come across them.

Your description about the Substance of Anxiety; did you come off with that? That’s masterfully woven -Indeed. A beautiful share either way. Some day, I would love to write like that describing how it is that I feel when walking amongst the trees. Like Dahila I too was walking in that room with a cup of tea : ) Please do throw those into the mix anytime you are able. That was awesome!

Your concern for my wife’s well being is well received … as to your encouragement to draw on strengths. Thank You dearly.

Again … thank you for your insights regarding the “Perception of Evil” as I have read it. I found that very helpful with regards an audio book I am listening too. It discusses the anatomy of Anxiety … and looks deeply into the emotion of “fear” and how we react to it. Learning about this stuff helps me to also see how we humans play on fear.

I like very much the way you’re talking about how we perceive fear, yet remain focused on how humans manifest negative emotions in both themselves and others … in a way that gives in more easily to evil intent, that it does to ascend beyond it, through a more disciplined practice that remains open to suffering and the lessons to be had from that. The “perceptions” in which I think to understand it, is that part of our mind that seeks to suppress our inner being, therefore always having us live in perpetual fear of not only is not a part of us, but which has yet not come into existence.

Man is controlled by his own mind and seeks to use it to control everything around him … Man in fact seeks to manifest this fear in others in order to suppress individuals from freeing their own wills. I have to go to a doctor’s appointment with my wife and wish I could have been more … hmmmm … tactful and coherent, as I think I just rushed all that …

None the less … I shall return and talk more on how it is that I seek to free myself and see way beyond the limitations this current would have me perceive.
So good to see both you guys logging in today. :)

Anyone and everyone is welcome to join on in or change topic completely ...

Dahila .... thanks for popping in whilst so busy, I appreciate that very much. Really glad to hear about your grandchild coming to visit and know completely what you mean and had a smile about the way you described that. lol Your Grand daughter is so lucky to have someone like you to watch over her ... A true guardian angel in the flesh and blood. :)

[Ponder]

Back and think more on the follwing of what you said Angie:

..."But evil exists, it exist because of us, not because we create is but because we perceive it and name it.
Maybe that is the point?"

There's no getting past the fact that once man manifests his thinking whatever that be good or bad, that man is responsible for what he creates. Thus once the hand starts beating out to inflict pain upon another, that others who stand by can perceive all they want, yet for the person experianceing the beating, it is not so much a perception but more the experience of being on the reviving end of such a creation. Another way to look at how humans can create things - is the perception of an astute mind fixed with a positive idea to create something - Creative Thinking, which when a person only has dark thoughts or negative intention, Man's potential for Evil ... is often seeded from the infliction of those who's only perception has been a life of suffering without compassion and or an inability to rise above their own minds bitterness.

Thus - the Carers Beats the Child who grows to become the beater and so on. Those that experience such tragedy first hand - don't just perceive but keep experianceing the events in their minds, which often manifest negatively, whilst others claim these ill-equipped poor individuals perception is flawed, because of their experience, and those that are well equipped will claim to perceive for them, yet have no idea what the view really looks like - yet claim to think they understand such Evil.

Perhaps I am missing your point or context - But from my own experience, having been beaten, sexually abused, rejected and on and on with others having their own stories - Man indeed is a creation of his own doings and the doings of others.

I would say that ones perception and ability to contain it, dictates what is created there after. Man is a doing machine, although since the Industrial Revolution and on into the Advance Technological age, the ability for to Do for themselves has be taken from them. Man seeks dependance not from the ability or actions of others, but more reliant on Things to do for them. Result, more thinking and less doing - and "less-self worth" (created from mans creation)

Now that's a perception - Not only is the modern world about More Thinking and less doing - It strives to think more in order to do less! All those Evil things happening in the world - they are indeed mans own doing! whatever label we give to those that abuse young people or old people - however we wish to perceive it, nothing beats actually seeing the abuse and calling it for what it is against those individuals that chose to create it.

We create it for ourselves like an addiction, because for some of us, it's all we know and It's easier to beat ourselves up, than it is to change our perception .. Hmmm there's a point as well. It's different for different people - Get well and put the blinkers on, because to see things for what they are will only make one sick again ... so we become wishful and turn a blind eyes - hmmm I guess accepting what we cannot change, and changing what we can.

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz .......................... Just rambling tonight. I can feel my body adjusting to all the waling of late. Smiles .

[Ponder]

..."But evil exists, it exist because of us, not because we create is but because we perceive it and name it.
Maybe that is the point?"

Forgive me Angie, as YES it is most definitely a point. I tend to get lost in such things. I can't help but question everything. In now way do I mean to question yourself as if I know anything more - I don't. Today I read that statement and see more to it - but perhaps only because of the contemplation I tried to make before today.

Our personal experiences greatly affect our perception, yet our unconscious mind when tapped together with objective hindsight can help us learn to see more clearly through residual pain of pent up negative emotions. Perhaps Evil - is ones inability to rise above these negative emotions such as jealousy, greed, rejection to name a few - thus residual pain manifest into Resentments which are then often fostered to a point of rage and fear rolled into one. Fear is Anxiety, but more on that later - Point here, is that by this stage without any attempt to face these things by understanding how each emotions controls us, how they work on a chemistry level, how they literally eat our insides away - one will continue on a path of self destruction feeding the fear as it seeks to fill it's need with one episode after the others. Drama of Drama - AKA an Gut full of Anxiety that only knows pain for substance.

Breaking the pattern - Whilst medication may help to ease the psychosomatic symptoms, it takes a much bigger step to changing ones perception if all it's known is negative emotions - Psychotherapy being high on that list, and or + a rock bottom place where no more space is left for residual pain to build - where no emotions exist except the choice to give up completely or where the only way to go on, is to see the world differently. I'm not talking about some great enlightening or being born again here ... just place where the only way to keep walking is forward. For the silver spoon people this usually takes place much much later in life ... because suffering is ultimately the only way in which we can be awakened like such. In order to know good, we really have to have a good perception of Evil first hand ... I think that is what I was getting at ... and how we learn to perceive is very much on how we experience from either our own manifestation or the creation of others ...

Now I am getting to complex again and or lost ... I think this mornings perception of mine should be a little clearer to what I mean ... It's always an evolving thing which requires great observation on our parts - this I seek through doing my best to remain open and just share as best I see with each passing day. I have both done really bad things and been the subject of it, yet like Dahila has said - we need to forgive ourselves so that we can move on. The story is pretty much the same for all of us, albeit different happenings - dose not matter what race or status one see them self to be ... It's an ongoing struggle for all of us, but with regards to Evil itself ... it will always be there. Whilst some people understandably have to switch of to that Evil that surrounds them while they face their own demons - its a balancing act for this world, as it needs people both strong enough to fight their own battles but also those that can assist others to find the good in themselves ... a catch phrase like being that change - has so much more attached to it ...

OK ... that's my ramble this morning ... Time for me to go for a walk.

Thank You again Angie .... You to Dahila :)

[Dahila]

I would like to be positive today but it seems like I am an outsider whatever side there is. I feel lost todaay, I wanted to do something positive but it did not work, maybe tomorrow will be easier:))

[Ponder]

I'm srry your feeling this way to today Dahila - I'm procrastinating myself at this moment, but know what I must do. Pack this room up that I now sit in. How has the bread making been going? What type of flour do you use. It's a shame the more gluten free variety is so much more to buy. We have a bread maker that we decided to keep - I like breads with lots of seed and would even like a pumpkin kind if possible?

I intend to change my focus - I've started listing to Eckhart Tolle again - "The Power of Now" If interested I would like to direct you to a source where all one has to do is listen to his Book ... He actually Narrates it, which I found a pleasant surprise. This is a link just about it, however I will PM you later Dahila if this kind of think interests you.

THE POWER OF NOW:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Power_of_Now
Wiki appears to give a reasonable definition.

I think people freak out with the word spiritual enlightenment, however I would encourage people not to be put off with such words. I have read many many self help guides. I started reading and searching earnestly to break my addiction to drugs, alcohol and many other forms of addictions and pain about 8- 9 years ago. Many of them has spiritual aspect tied to them with Zen being a coin used by many to sell whatever methods. Again - I avoid method that are for SALE, although when I cannot source them and "feel" through my own inner discernment that the messages holds truth - I will then only buy into it, avoiding the hype often followed with fan fair audiences and great followings of an almost worshiped Guru mentality that ascribes such wisdom to the man that says ... LOL, I really can't help filtering out like so. I guess I do it with this book, because I know it has such a following and whilst innocent that may be - there is a great superficiality to various presentations that seek to profit from it -

BUT, in the interest of keeping things positive today Dahila - This book really makes sense and helps people to get in touch with their most inner being - A very peaceful connection without the need to look for anything as it really is one of those books that has something for everyone - the glimpses into our own perceptions, that sparks a sense of relief that warms the sole for an instant, leaving us to simply just feel instead think ... So it is that I now write to you, to let you know just how much hope this book gives me, every time I listen to it.

It describes so well that moment in which we are just being what we are meant to be - like when you just do all those things you do so well Dahila - Not so much the JOY - but the relief we get from simply not thinking about how we felt yesterday because of whatever or worrying about what has not yet come - The book is really good at opening up the secrets to living in the moment, but moreover experiencing how to drop all of our perceptions ... ALL OF THEM ... and just experience everyday as a new day. I previous said it's not like suddenly being struck with a beam of light or being born again ...

Echkart does use the analogy of being born again - but for him, he came to sitting on park benches and looking at life in Awe - (to be the observer I believe he wants others to be) - he came to it after already hitting rock bottom - For me, I hit rock bottom on the benches, and even way back then --- I too became an observer like wise to how he talks in his book ---- but the transition went from me waking up on the bench to the later staring and things slowly coming into perspective where I would just be experianceing the moment without care for what's past or to come. ---- of course my wonderment was in all probability less joyful, but none the less ->this is how I can actually relate to how it is that he speaks on being an observer just by being ...

It really is a positive read in as much as just getting so much relief from hearing how he explains to fee ourselves from our mind, and how to break away from the collective thinking and or imprinting -

It helps one to go from being an outsider to being the observer that way, even when alone, you can get a sense of companionship with your own inner being!
That's getting to the core of it for me. Most of the thinking spinning and spinning in my head comes from the outside ... This book is also good at identifying that ... way beyond any kind of psychobabble that confuses me - I can see I complicate things myself and rar rar rar ................ but making that connection with out inner self ........ I have had moments, and starting to as I go out and walk now ... There can be no greater joy, than I know it to be - when I can connect with myself and look up to that as my own inspiration ... seems like a new self confidence grows from there unlike anything on offer from the outside ...........
__________________________________________________ __________________

Now ... I will acknowledge the following here, because it conflicts very much with those religions that seek to source everything from outside themselves - My family look down upon such self help methods and regard such Authors to be false profits teaching people the devils ways. In fact the book is very good at discussing how the word GOD as essentially been worn out over time - how the word brings up various images to different people - how many religions have lost the very essence of their true meaning as man has implemented their own thinking over the top --- such religions are very obscure and far from their roots. BEING is the word for GOD and I LIKE THAT! ... indeed threatening for many who attain to live by the mind -

Now having dispelled the religious aspect to it - whilst no doubt a book for many faith bearing people to further hone their faith - an excellent book for those seeking to let go of their past.

Got to go shopping ..... let me know if you would like the like the audio version - It's a great listen - will PM later perhaps?

[Dahila]

709710I have a book Ponder, I just did not read it, I have it on my computer. Honestly I do not like to read books here. I would love the audio version. I am not religious. It is a reason many people do not accept me. At least my people, who are ""Real Christians""
We need God to manage our fear. If there is nothing after death, how do you deal with life? There is not tomorrow, it is only now . Time concept, was invented to put our life in order, which is everything, but in order. Human race made such a mess on this planet, there is not way back ....
For years I practiced different kinds of meditation, and the easiest I found is "follow your breath" It is very easy way to get into nothingness, Even mere seconds in this state, give so much peace to our mind. I am the believer in mind power. I believe the happiness and peace can be found only in us. The only question is ; why I am here, why I am in this moment and feeling so lost. I hope it is temporary. Tomorrow I will appreciate small things in my life.
The bread it came out fantastic, it dissapeared after an hour :) My sweet girl had three huge slices with butter...I will try to make two of them next weekend. Our regular bread is sourdough bread with addition of many different seed, and ground flax- it suppose to help with digestion. I use different flours, rye, whole, spelt, and I buy them in Mill, a bit more expensive but the flour is super quality. I am very adventurous in kitchen :)) Being paranoiac about processed foods, I spend half of life providing my family with healthy food free of preservatives, colorants and demonic corn syrop or anything derived from GMO foods. I am scared also of toxic fumes which are produced when we use factory made cleaners, so I went green and make my own:)) Did not visit cosmetic or laundry departments for over few months. (Grin) Tide is loosing the business...
Thank you Ponder, you are fantastic. I am fighting with my demons too, whole my life.......
Good Night and Have a beautiful day on your continent Ponder and the rest of fantastic people on forum (smile)

[Ponder]

Tasty: A young boy takes a nibble of a loaf during the early 20th century, when the Mail campaigned for the introduction of standard bread. Shockingly the fight for better bread being key to better health still appears to be continuing a century on.

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-2003622/Is-bread-making-ill-How-2011s-loaves-bad-you.html#ixzz2l8QlEsYH
Follow us: @MailOnline on Twitter | DailyMail on Facebook

http://i181.photobucket.com/albums/x30/davekyn/article-2003622-0C905FF500000578-999_636x602_zps03f8c639.jpg (http://s181.photobucket.com/user/davekyn/media/article-2003622-0C905FF500000578-999_636x602_zps03f8c639.jpg.html)

I thought you might like this article. It really is quite a let down that governments allow this kind of thing to happen with such a f0od source. Like how food processors stretch out the ingredients to make the product much cheaper and prolific - My wife and I got on the band wagon about preservatives like 286 and a host more many years before news articles began highlighting such. There is nothing that beats a well made home cook loaf of bread. Humans are in fact losing their ability to to break down such nutrients that would otherwise sustain them for much longer periods of time at half the anount, rather than have them hooked on sugar and chemicals. It is cause for concern because when so many people think they can rely on "green food" if the time ever came where no other source was available - Their bodies would in fact have difficulty eating such food as all they have ever known is that chemical crap that's sold on the shelves as "healthy food" ... That's my take on it =

Again, your grand daughter is very lucking to have you. We really need to start making our own bread and in fact I will raise it with my wife today. :)

[Dahila]

Very interesting,thank you. I am in natural and home made food for years. A lot of my opinions about food is influenced with my sense of smell, especially for the last 6 years I am not smoking. I mean I do not smoke anything :)
I use unbleached flower, no sugar but a bit of raw honey, a small spoon for a loaf of bread of 700 grams , wild yeast. Of course it requires a lot of work and preparation, and hunting the good ingredients, but it is worth it. I do not want the stinky bread from store which never get old. It is still "Fresh" after two weeks in plastic bag. No fat in my breads, except some butter which we use to grease the loaf pan. I am resistant to adds about good , natural choices. Using word "Natural" and "Eco" they sell such crap.
Soap: it suppose to be soap, yes? No , no there is not soap abut a lot of different chemicals which strip the sebum from our skin. No doubts almost everyone has allergies or fight with acne. :) Sorry I tend to get very emotionall about Bs we are fed everyday and everywhere. I do not watch tv if I do I leave the room when there is advertisement.....:)

[Ponder]

Hi Dahila ... I found an electric Bread Maker in the shed and have cleaned it up like brand new. I then rang the manufacturer and got the Manual sent to my email. We went out to the grocery store to get some bread mix:
Barossa Sourdough Rye
http://laucke.com.au/our-products/home-baker-products/bread-mixes/barossa-sourdough-rye/

It seemed the best pic amongst all the other cheap white powder CRAP ... lol .. I know it's not as good as Oven Baked, however it's a start. I will look into some guides on how to oven bake. I'll buy maybe 2 GOOD quality bread tins and a roller or whatever else I need. 1st we just want to get started with what we have. I'm glad you understand how marketers play on such words - So Many people fall hook line and sinker (like a fish that can't resist the bait)

We are thinking of making some changes with regards to food - perhaps after we start making our own bread, I might look into making some yogurt again. Not sure - one step at a time.:)
__________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ ______

[Dahila]

Looks good but...but their soy in the list which is huge no for me. No Ponder, you need to make your own starter without the ingredients like E something, they add ascorbic acid, I wonder why? Sourdough starter is as easy as saying 1,2,3... and you make your own mix of flours and seeds. I do not make yogurt i make (easy, breezy) Kefir, because i have Kefir grains. :)
Smoothies, delicious :) I learned how to make sourdough bread from searching the internet, everything is here. I do not use bread machine because we do not own one. My Hubby is mixing the flours with over sized wooden spoon. Not too much work, Most time takes my preparations, I do not weight the flours , I put it in jars and then into the bowl. A quart jar is my measuring device:))
I do not believe in non gluten diet. We do need the proteins from the wheat. Not all gluten is evil. It is a trend like any others. Will end eventually. Home made bread with good quality flours can not be bad, especially with real butter. It starts to be bad when you put some processed cold cuts on it.

[Ponder]

Thanks for the tips Dahila. I will also research much on the bread mixes and order online soon enough. You really do seem to have a wealth of knowledge on homemade foods. My wife would get along well with you. I look forward soon to having a little more stress free time with our youngest daughter about to venture into the world.

Angie … is everything alright. I apologize if I seemed so self absorbed that I missed your obvious points. Many times I obscure what it is I read, because I am so caught up in my own mind. I am aware this may have me read as somewhat ignorant to the wisdom and insights of others. You have given me much to think about, and I am very thankful for that, which is why I do hope so much, that all is good between us. Other than that, I hope all is generally well you end?

Catch up later guys … best wishes to you as well Dahila. Rest well guys. 7:20am here 11/21

[Ponder]

Man oh man, there are so many Physco therapy's Concepts out there like fads hitting a New block, or a New fads hitting the old block. Whatever works I guess, however it's such a shame when they put another one down as they blow their own horn. Business's feeding the fear whilst claiming to cure it at the same time. Gleaning bits and pieces from each one works best for me, although I do tend to "Think" too much in that process which is why at the moment I wish to focus on my approach in all my writings when I attempt to observe.

Perhaps that's it for me. Many of the methods that work best for me, are those that center on breaking away from the mind. Mindfulness/meditations/The here and Now/Emotional Identification/Detachment - It's my understanding that looking to self through the tuition given by very well know and successful Authors is as important as any active therapy that many of the otherwise Physco Therapeutic Concepts would otherwise counter claim. I mean it's a shame that others services dumb down the importance of “wanting to understand yourself better”. So it is in this context - I would say, to people - that they be just as careful taking the words of new and popularized concepts as gospel. Everyone wants a quick fix, so is it any wonder given the opportunity to pick out a specific remedy for a specif symptom, that people get all excited about the idea. Specialists are born, new labels created, and a new generation of sufferers hit the market.

Such is the Power of the Mind, Vs The Power of Now. Collective Cultural Thinking! If you can understand how the mind of an individual takes control of oneself and how much it keeps us in fear - then imagine the self empowering, that comes from understanding such on a Societal Scale. Compulsion is like a subtlety that masks pain and keeps me comfortable, its as habitual as the evolving mind of humans ... The more I focus on that, the more I feed the fear which is obscured by the compulsive acts ... click click click click click click ... I'm ok - I'm ok - I'm ok - I'm ok ... hence a new coping mechanism is born ... I wish to go beyond tapping, CBT, and many other forms in which I have tried. They are good and serve a purpose. I'm not putting them down at all ... however I do seek to go beyond and free myself completely in as much as the freedom I obtained when I gave up smoking. The act of taking on difference strategies to give up smoking, where indeed very successful, however I adopted more than one approach ... and that is my main point when seeking any kind of help. There is no wrong or right, there in only You and what you know to be true. Therefore understanding oneself is as important if not more so, than to simply fall the the sales gimmicks that offer quick fixes.

I don't know - it's all I know, and I enjoy getting to know myself as well as others, when I'm able to hear. Hark Hark
Happy Gleaning. ;)

[Dahila]

I got the glimpse of freedom when I quit smoking, too. Noone understand what I was talking about. Thank Ponder, you said about it. I think I will make a series of pictures on Saturday. just give me a few days, will send the pics. Then you will understand everything about making bread:)

[Ponder]

Sounds like a plan Dahila :) I have another loaf of the Bread maker now. Put less yeast in this time. Please take your time - Hope all is well your end. I have to start cleaning this computer room ... SIGH ...

[Dahila]

Sight I have to clean two bedrooms, three washrooms, computer room, and downstairs, kitchen, living room.....I expected some people over, and I am terrified, I will never clean it all:). Maybe I should just read. I am reading Brains Sparks by Joe Schwarcz. Fantastic:)) I love it, I need to put the reminder above computer to take pics ...

[Ponder]

Sounds good ... I wish I could get that book. Oh well. :( I want to eat more apples now!

[Dahila]

I got the book from library, it is a book but ,,,, U talking about E-book?

[Dahila]

Nice, I like it;))
You got it:)

[Angie 91]

Evening.

I'm back again, I'm uncertain if that is a good or a bad thing. I'm not feeling well these days I find it hard to get out of bed even.
I try to remind myself that the best way out is always through.
But I'm writing again. trying to start a new novel. got about 40 pages done this week.. fingers crossed.
Heh, funny thought, writing is something you do alone. Its a profession for introverts who want to tell you a story -but don't want to make eye contact while doing it.

And Ponder I would love to read about you walking amongst the trees.
You make a sharp analysis of this preception of evil subject. -the reason I brougt up the matter is that I think it might be linked to depression and in many cases anxiety.
how we precive things makes the whole difference and anxiety is no diffrent, It makes others feel as you might when a drowning man holds on to you. You want to save him, but you know he will strangle you with his panic. -if that makes sense?

Now, I was asked about the provenance of my beverage :)
Well I'm not really picky, Jasmine, Gunpowder, Assam, Earl Grey, Ceylon, I wont mind.
There are few nicer things than sitting up in bed, drinking strong tea, and reading. Sometimes I wake up and find empty teacups gathered around bed and it is not making me sad they are like friends reminding me that some things haven't changed, some things never will.

And Dahlia,
I should really have done some housework this weekend...
I haven't.
I find that simple problems like;
"..there is no more orange juice and I drink orange juice and orange juice is sold in grocery stores.."
-just isn't a manageable problem ;) I don't know why.


Best,

-Angie

[Dahila]

Angie, it is so good to read your post. It gives me unmeasurable pleasure. Gunpowder, Silver moon, Silver needle I am not picky either. I got the problem to solve. I need to make something for my daughter, not greasy but moisturizing. Not causing the breakout and being beneficial for a young skin. For the beginner of studying the "art of healthy and beutiful skin" it is very difficult goal to achieve. Nevertheless I am going to try it and at the same time beat up anxiety which is caused by this request. I knew it, you are a writer and I bet a good one:) The way you use language is memorizing me, it is beautiful...

[Angie 91]

Angie, it is so good to read your post. It gives me unmeasurable pleasure. Gunpowder, Silver moon, Silver needle I am not picky either. I got the problem to solve. I need to make something for my daughter, not greasy but moisturizing. Not causing the breakout and being beneficial for a young skin. For the beginner of studying the "art of healthy and beutiful skin" it is very difficult goal to achieve. Nevertheless I am going to try it and at the same time beat up anxiety which is caused by this request. I knew it, you are a writer and I bet a good one:) The way you use language is memorizing me, it is beautiful...

Dahlia
Shea butter do you of know it?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shea_butter

I know it was used in ancient egypt and I've seen it places where people tend to favor herbs and oil over chemicals and artificial fragrance..
Once at an excavation I got "solar dermatitis" -which is merely a fancy term for "really horrible rash" the locals brought it to me.
what are you studying dermatology or cosmetology? but you do this for her, you little one. It gives me strength to have somebody to fight for; I can never fight for myself, but, for others..
hehehe.. well for the sake of others I can do almost anything.
How is motherhood? I can't help but wondering..

About Writing,
I am very flattered! Really Thank you. But no, I'm no real writer I make childrens books, I draw animals and other childlikes for a publishing house down the street.
But I hope I can make something of a more substantial nature this time.
Again fingers crossed! Words and worlds only exist when we create them.
If something wants to be a story, it will be. With novels, it is that simple..
-and exactly that messed up...


Best Wishes and Cheerful Dreams,

-Angie

[Ponder]

So glad you posted Angie ... I don't have time right now to write so will save my story about walking amongst the trees for later. Just so happy to see you popping in the forums as your able to. The fact that you have 40 pages of writing done is inspiring me to give writing another shot myself. You really are a very talented person Angie. I think more on what you said a little later, as feeling a little tired this morning.

Dahila, good news about the books ... I'd just need to find a program to convert e.pub to mobi ... that's my next searcher lesson on the internet. :) Aslo talk later,,,,,just tired for some reason this morning.
Be well guys.

[Dahila]

718719720
Angie I am so right about u. Writing books and illustrating is not easy task. Stories tend to come to writer with the southern wind...They will come
Shea butter is one of the best but....for body butters. It is too occluding for the facial moisturizer. It is an excellent butter for eczema sufferers. I use in combination with others light butters for a luxurious body creams. The one I made it today, is Lavender hydrosol with green tea extract , oat protein and some nice humectants. Jojoba and Macademia oil in very small percentage:)) It is light goes right into my skin. No shine, and dry feeling, which is good:)

Ponder i use e.PUB Reader in Firefox, there is a plugin for that. :) when you get the plugin , right click and open with firefox.
Oh you want to convert it to mobi...hm will look for it
there is online convertor
http://ebook.online-convert.com/convert-to-mobi

[Ponder]

Nice work Dahila! Very encouraging to see your work come to life like that. I suffer with a dry skin disorder and would do well to get hold of something like that.

Thank you very much for that link. I am very impressed. I now how Dr Joe's Brain Sparks book loaded in Kindle. It's pretty amazing how we can help each other like this. Just think, in the last week or so, you've helped me to bake bread and now this. Incidentally, I am still using the bread which makes awesome toast. The pack I bought makes 4 loaves which is not only better quality and fresh when I bake it, but also CHEAPER than paying $6.00 for a decent loaf! I paid $7.90au and can make 4 now. Thank You very much. :)

[Dahila]

You are most welcome Ponder. My white bread came out beautifully, but was gone yesterday evening. I know , I know we should not eat white bread, but it is a treat for us, once in a while. Regular is sourdough bread which cost me peanuts comparing to the store made one. One bread (800 grams) would be like 6 dollars here, or more. Most breads are going up with the price but not the weight. Mine is probably $ 2.5. Hard to say. I did not wonder into bread department for over a year. For dry skin you need the salve which is extremely easy to make, you do not need ancy fancy lotion i made for my girl. It is like a dream, I had never expected.
I am finishing his book Brains sparks and I got answers to the questions I had not idea I wanted to ask:))). I just love this guy and his sense of humor. That book is eye opener. I already have collection of his books, the only problem I do not like to read books on computer and i do not have kindle, but maybe I should, instead of taking books with me everywhere. It is like an obsession. Book in the car, one in bedroom and one in computer room and another one downstairs. I tend to read a few books at the time. I had seen your pictures and your camera and I am green. I want that too:)))

[Ponder]

To be honest Dahila, I have to be careful how much yeast I have. Commercial bread bloats me full stop and is just plain bad for me. The bread I make now, although much much better, still is capable of bloating me as well as me getting ...well ... just plain fat. LOL But I do not need as much of it. I need to consume 3 to 4 times as much of the other crap, however two thick slices lightly toasted is MMMMMMM MMMMMM Yummy and leaves me feeling quite fed. I struggle with the babbit of continually feeding myself as well as the emotional eating as well. SOUP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I should start doing that again. I love soup - even Vegetable soup!!!!!!! Damn it! I MUST DO IT! ...

About the Kindle - I am thinking of buying one. I actually don't own a kindle and have researched this before. Currently I use a 7 inch Computer Tablet AKA - Tablet PC. They are not much good in sunlight though and also weigh a lot more than a kindle. The latest one to get IMO is the Kindle Paperwhite I'm not interested in the 3G model. Here in Australia they are charging a massive $2.00 extra per book when purchasing books via the Kindle Tab AND you also cannot access your US kindle Library. So that's a no brainier - I'm NOT buying into that. Australian Business are the most selfish and greedy in the entire world. From Land all the way down to internet. I buy 90% of all products from overseas and actively seek to cripple local businesses. Whaahahahahhaaahaha OK now having said that ->

Kindle Paperwhite has a back light so you can read at night - it's extremely light so easy to hold whilst laying down - The battery will last for a LONG LONG time before you need to recharge (unlike tablet PCs) Work 100 times better outdoors! All in all - I think it's much better for reading over using my PC table - especially when I go hiking. I'd love to give you my camera, but after I finish throw all my crap away, I think the camera will be all that I have left. LOL
Have not had time to read Dr Joe's Sparks yet ... but eventually will get there. That's quite a skill being able to read like that. I must learn! I get to attached to doing one thing a a time.

Must go now ........... Take care

[Dahila]

This is what I want Kindle Paperwhite, the new one, but it is probably close to $180 here, and I can not access Canadian Public libraries from it. I have at least 20 giga of books here on computer. There is no end to suck the last penny from the customer if there is any possibility of that. At least in Canada we have a wonderful PL, all books are accessible and the system is really user friendly. I order my books and they come to library of my choice, anywhere in city. Returning the books works the same way. Unfortunately they do not support Kindle. Kobo (I have one and promptly returned to the store) sony and a lot of others. When you want a book and they do not have it, you make suggestion to library and you are the first on list for the book. They have pretty much everything:),
Bloating, who does not have it. Do you think sourdough bread would be easier on you? It is very filling, and two slices are usually enough. The white thingy at store; they call it bread is awful, you need to eat 500 grams to feel at least half full.

Books they are my friends, for life. Without books I would not write and read English, would not understand John Lennon songs, will not read poetry, it is actually the most difficult to get.....or jokes... When I was a child of 5 I had teach myself to read, whole family were heavy readers, and I was always in home because of my disease at the time. I was stealing my older brothers books, trying to understand what they are talking about. I never did, I was to small to do it, but it gave me nightmares
I think I have short attention span and this is why I need to be involved in a few things at the time. I does not good to anxious older lady:)) I feel always hurried, and there is so much to do. It would be better to stick with one thing, and one book and one project. I am on one/third of Interworld by Neil Gaiman and Michael Reaves, I think Angie suggested or maybe it was you. Fantastic read. From the organics to the Sci-fi :))

[Ponder]

Yes I believe that was Angie that recommended that book. Just reading the plot now, and sounds very interesting.
I believe one can transfer any files to the kindle via Pc and that doing so will not matter if downloaded from whatever region, as if it becomes an issue - I will most certainly reject Kindle as I have done apple products for the same reason. I can certainly transfer anything to my android device and have never had issue with copywirte protection and or propitiatory 3rd party software. I think the kindle should be ok with transfered files from whatever libary, its more about what one can buy via 3G - Not sure, would certainly be a waste of money if indeed it's region coded!

Think I'll go ponder some more. Take care. :)