sweetypie
10-02-2013, 03:01 PM
Please help me. My anxiety is getting so bad that I hate life. I'm tired of feeling hysterical all the time.
Basically, I got scared a year ago that my fiance was going to break up with me. It was because I made a mistake in the beginning of our relationship where I talked to my ex-boyfriend when I wasn't supposed to (and even though years had passed since I did this, I felt guilty for ever having done something behind my fiance's back) and I for some reason thought he would break up with me when he found out. I held in the secret for six months, where I felt suicidal and trapped by my feelings because I hated myself so much for messing up that one time and talking to my ex-boyfriend. I got anxious whenever I was around my fiance and start to pull away from him emotionally.
One of my best friends said that this is because I get suicidal when a guy breaks up with me and I was using defensive mechanisms to mentally prepare myself for it.
I wound up telling him everything and he didn't break up with me, although I spent months every day terrified to be around him and terrified he would break up with me.
I went to counseling where we dealt with my excessive guilt over things. (Most people might feel guilty over doing something behind their fiance's back, but me on the other hand, I became suicidal.) And I started doing really well again.
We started talking about getting married again and making more concrete plans. We also talked about moving into a new apartment. And he also told me he wanted to stop doing our main hobby together, watching TV, altogether. I got hysterical because things were changing in our relationship, I guess. And because I thought we were going to break up for some reason when he didn't want to watch TV with me anymore. I blew it way out of proportion and thought it meant we didn't have anything in common anymore.
And now I'm in a downward spiral that I can't seem to stop where I am completely terrified of our relationship. He apologized and was super nice and said he wouldn't pressure me to do things I didn't want to and watch TV with me if I wanted to. And I really appreciate it, but I spend all day every day, depressed and anxious.
Either I'm crying hysterically because I think he's going to break up with me. Or feeling trapped because I can't escape feeling anxious when I am around him. Basically, I feel terrified to be with him and terrified to be without him right now. And terrified of every way our lives are changing.
Please tell me you've gone through something similar and how you dealt with it because I can feel the suicidal/depression feelings creeping in and I don't want to ruin my relationship with such a nice man who puts up with my fears.
Basically, I got scared a year ago that my fiance was going to break up with me. It was because I made a mistake in the beginning of our relationship where I talked to my ex-boyfriend when I wasn't supposed to (and even though years had passed since I did this, I felt guilty for ever having done something behind my fiance's back) and I for some reason thought he would break up with me when he found out. I held in the secret for six months, where I felt suicidal and trapped by my feelings because I hated myself so much for messing up that one time and talking to my ex-boyfriend. I got anxious whenever I was around my fiance and start to pull away from him emotionally.
One of my best friends said that this is because I get suicidal when a guy breaks up with me and I was using defensive mechanisms to mentally prepare myself for it.
I wound up telling him everything and he didn't break up with me, although I spent months every day terrified to be around him and terrified he would break up with me.
I went to counseling where we dealt with my excessive guilt over things. (Most people might feel guilty over doing something behind their fiance's back, but me on the other hand, I became suicidal.) And I started doing really well again.
We started talking about getting married again and making more concrete plans. We also talked about moving into a new apartment. And he also told me he wanted to stop doing our main hobby together, watching TV, altogether. I got hysterical because things were changing in our relationship, I guess. And because I thought we were going to break up for some reason when he didn't want to watch TV with me anymore. I blew it way out of proportion and thought it meant we didn't have anything in common anymore.
And now I'm in a downward spiral that I can't seem to stop where I am completely terrified of our relationship. He apologized and was super nice and said he wouldn't pressure me to do things I didn't want to and watch TV with me if I wanted to. And I really appreciate it, but I spend all day every day, depressed and anxious.
Either I'm crying hysterically because I think he's going to break up with me. Or feeling trapped because I can't escape feeling anxious when I am around him. Basically, I feel terrified to be with him and terrified to be without him right now. And terrified of every way our lives are changing.
Please tell me you've gone through something similar and how you dealt with it because I can feel the suicidal/depression feelings creeping in and I don't want to ruin my relationship with such a nice man who puts up with my fears.