redswan
12-03-2007, 05:01 AM
I hope somebody can give me some help and advice.
I have suffered from anxiety for a long time but only in the last year have I started to try and combat it.
I was seriously bullied at high school, both mental and physical, and as a result have a major distrust of new people. This carried on at university, where I would avoid making new friends. This was made worse by the fact that I had to move away from home to go to university, so as a result was staying in a town where I knew nobody, and couldn't just head home if things were getting tough. I made one or two friends, but that was about it. I then got a job that requires me to work away from home from Monday to Friday, living out of hotels, so basically I spend more time than ever on my own.
I rarely go out socialising, finding myself making up excuses to stay in rather than go out. As a result, my social life has more or less completely vanished, and the few friends that I did have, have slowly fallen by the wayside.
So about a year ago I went to the doctor who put my in touch with a psychologist, who I go and see once every 2 or 3 weeks. I also was prescribed citalporam. We had been making good progress, and I was feeling a bit better about myself, worrying a bit less, and trying to make plans for a bit of a better future.
Now, this weekend, I have gone and done something so stupid that I still can't get my head around it. I have been worrying constantly about it all weekend, feeling naseous and sick. Our company conference this year was held in Amsterdam. After the conference was over, some of us stayed on for an extra day, and went out at the night. To cut a long story short, I ended up drinking far too much (I'm not a big drinker), eating a load of cake with canabis in it (I don't do drugs at all), and then ended up in a brothel doing things that totally disgust me. Worse than that was that as it was with work, a few work colleagues also know all this. This is not me at all. I am a quiet, shy person. I don't know why I even agreed to go into the place.
I now can't get the thought out of my head, I feel constantly light headed and like I want to be sick. I want to tell somebody but don't know who. I want it out of my head, and for things to go back to the way they were but I don't know what to do. It is eating away at me inside, that I'm never going to be able to undo what I've done. I want a way out, but I can't see one. Please help.
I have suffered from anxiety for a long time but only in the last year have I started to try and combat it.
I was seriously bullied at high school, both mental and physical, and as a result have a major distrust of new people. This carried on at university, where I would avoid making new friends. This was made worse by the fact that I had to move away from home to go to university, so as a result was staying in a town where I knew nobody, and couldn't just head home if things were getting tough. I made one or two friends, but that was about it. I then got a job that requires me to work away from home from Monday to Friday, living out of hotels, so basically I spend more time than ever on my own.
I rarely go out socialising, finding myself making up excuses to stay in rather than go out. As a result, my social life has more or less completely vanished, and the few friends that I did have, have slowly fallen by the wayside.
So about a year ago I went to the doctor who put my in touch with a psychologist, who I go and see once every 2 or 3 weeks. I also was prescribed citalporam. We had been making good progress, and I was feeling a bit better about myself, worrying a bit less, and trying to make plans for a bit of a better future.
Now, this weekend, I have gone and done something so stupid that I still can't get my head around it. I have been worrying constantly about it all weekend, feeling naseous and sick. Our company conference this year was held in Amsterdam. After the conference was over, some of us stayed on for an extra day, and went out at the night. To cut a long story short, I ended up drinking far too much (I'm not a big drinker), eating a load of cake with canabis in it (I don't do drugs at all), and then ended up in a brothel doing things that totally disgust me. Worse than that was that as it was with work, a few work colleagues also know all this. This is not me at all. I am a quiet, shy person. I don't know why I even agreed to go into the place.
I now can't get the thought out of my head, I feel constantly light headed and like I want to be sick. I want to tell somebody but don't know who. I want it out of my head, and for things to go back to the way they were but I don't know what to do. It is eating away at me inside, that I'm never going to be able to undo what I've done. I want a way out, but I can't see one. Please help.