I'm a former adult virgin and never had a relationship

[gandy]

I'm 30+ and I would ask for some help pls

[jessed03]

Gotta start by asking a few things, if you don't mind?

What job do you have?

How many friends have you socialised with, outside of work, in the last 3 months?

Have you ever asked a lady out on a date?

Do you make decent/good money? If not, why not?

[gandy]

Gotta start by asking a few things, if you don't mind?

What job do you have?

How many friends have you socialised with, outside of work, in the last 3 months?

Have you ever asked a lady out on a date?

Do you make decent/good money? If not, why not?

I'm a freelance programmer

I had friends they moved in some other town, but I can fix that since next year I will have to move into an extremely large city

yes I have asked women out on dates I'm not aspie I was shy, wasn't the best looking guy, I had depression for long and a traumatizing childhood, I went for therapy, I fixed myself up, had sex with legal escorts afterwards, than a one night stand with a former schoolmate, she was into me I never knew it was a reunion at school you get it

I make decent money and my family is rich


my questions are

a. how do you screen for a woman for relationship?
b. how do you maintain it?
c. some tricks to keep it on going so it doesn't fizzle out that fast?

[Olive Yew]

Here are some tricks for you:

Mutual respect. Dont feel like you need to throw your masculinity around and boss her and expect her to do things for you and whatnot. It's so incredibly disrespectful. A healthy relationship has mutual respect where everything you do for her, you do out of love and not with the expectation that you will receive something in return. A good woman will do the same for you to show her appreciation and love but the key is to never EXPECT it. If, after a while, it seems like all you ever do is give and she expects too much from you, you talk to her about it (politely and respectfully. No accusations or name calling.) If she doesnt work to fix the problem, then its probably best to move on and find someone better suited for you.

Communicate. A lot. She needs to know what you like and dislike and you need to know the same for her. We're talking everything from how you treat her in public (and visa versa) to how you and she treat each other alone to what kind of things you like physically. No communication leads to misunderstandings, hurt feelings, and resentment. The key is to always be polite and respectful though. You should never want to correct her with the intent of embarrassing her or getting back at her. Chances are: she had no idea that what she was doing made YOU uncomfortable. Again. If she doesnt try to change her ways to help you feel more comfortable it's probably best to move on.
Note: this does NOT mean you change her personality to "fit your needs". It's simply a way of learning to please your partner in even the smallest ways to create HARMONY. If there is something mundane that you wish she didnt have (extra weight, an obsession with cats, a really loud laugh that she had no control over) then you either deal with it and get over it or you move on to someone you can tolerate their quirks more.

Little things mean a lot!: surprisingly enough, women notice the little gestures of love more than the grandiose displays (unless you're dating a diva who wants a massive rock on her finger and ridiculous public displays of affection). I know that most of my favorite memories with my significant other are small things... Like making spaghetti at home one night and he burned the meat and we made WAY too much because we didnt realize that one package of pasta feeds a family of four (we had one package each!). And one time he created a "treasure hunt" with envelopes with clues on the outside and a sweet love note on the inside. At the end of the treasure hunt was a simple little necklace I'd admired a while back. That memory still gives me goose bumps!
It's easy to make a woman feel loved and appreciated. Sometimes it just has to take some creativity. :)

Be. Attentive!: i cant even tell you how many times my man has completely blown me away with how much of the little details he remembers. I could mention a movie in passing that I liked and he'd remember that and get it for me later. Or he's taken me on fun little dates (like caving) because I happened to say that I'd never been to one cave in particular around our area. When a guy remembers something that we've said, it gets us all twitterpated because it means they actually CARE what we say. They CARE about our dreams. And they WANT to make us happy. It shows us they're in it for more than just the physical stuff.

I hope this helped. I know these methods have worked well for me and my man and we're hoping to be getting married in the near future. We rarely EVER fight and when we do, there's never any shouting or name calling or disrespect. Both of us are trying to work through the problem and get comfortable again.

Best of luck to you! And dont get discouraged! :) Your dream girl is out there somewhere!

[gandy]

Here are some tricks for you:

Mutual respect. Dont feel like you need to throw your masculinity around and boss her and expect her to do things for you and whatnot. It's so incredibly disrespectful. A healthy relationship has mutual respect where everything you do for her, you do out of love and not with the expectation that you will receive something in return. A good woman will do the same for you to show her appreciation and love but the key is to never EXPECT it. If, after a while, it seems like all you ever do is give and she expects too much from you, you talk to her about it (politely and respectfully. No accusations or name calling.) If she doesnt work to fix the problem, then its probably best to move on and find someone better suited for you.

Communicate. A lot. She needs to know what you like and dislike and you need to know the same for her. We're talking everything from how you treat her in public (and visa versa) to how you and she treat each other alone to what kind of things you like physically. No communication leads to misunderstandings, hurt feelings, and resentment. The key is to always be polite and respectful though. You should never want to correct her with the intent of embarrassing her or getting back at her. Chances are: she had no idea that what she was doing made YOU uncomfortable. Again. If she doesnt try to change her ways to help you feel more comfortable it's probably best to move on.
Note: this does NOT mean you change her personality to "fit your needs". It's simply a way of learning to please your partner in even the smallest ways to create HARMONY. If there is something mundane that you wish she didnt have (extra weight, an obsession with cats, a really loud laugh that she had no control over) then you either deal with it and get over it or you move on to someone you can tolerate their quirks more.

Little things mean a lot!: surprisingly enough, women notice the little gestures of love more than the grandiose displays (unless you're dating a diva who wants a massive rock on her finger and ridiculous public displays of affection). I know that most of my favorite memories with my significant other are small things... Like making spaghetti at home one night and he burned the meat and we made WAY too much because we didnt realize that one package of pasta feeds a family of four (we had one package each!). And one time he created a "treasure hunt" with envelopes with clues on the outside and a sweet love note on the inside. At the end of the treasure hunt was a simple little necklace I'd admired a while back. That memory still gives me goose bumps!
It's easy to make a woman feel loved and appreciated. Sometimes it just has to take some creativity. :)

Be. Attentive!: i cant even tell you how many times my man has completely blown me away with how much of the little details he remembers. I could mention a movie in passing that I liked and he'd remember that and get it for me later. Or he's taken me on fun little dates (like caving) because I happened to say that I'd never been to one cave in particular around our area. When a guy remembers something that we've said, it gets us all twitterpated because it means they actually CARE what we say. They CARE about our dreams. And they WANT to make us happy. It shows us they're in it for more than just the physical stuff.

I hope this helped. I know these methods have worked well for me and my man and we're hoping to be getting married in the near future. We rarely EVER fight and when we do, there's never any shouting or name calling or disrespect. Both of us are trying to work through the problem and get comfortable again.

Best of luck to you! And dont get discouraged! :) Your dream girl is out there somewhere!

thank you for the answer

[u4ea]

a. how do you screen for a woman for relationship?
b. how do you maintain it?
c. some tricks to keep it on going so it doesn't fizzle out that fast?


Those are going to be pretty hard for people to answer with any degree of accuracy; every relationship/person/situation is dynamically different - there is no standard - "this is how I screen women" or "if you do this, you're guaranteed a happy relationship."

As corny and cliché as it may sound - be yourself. Building a relationship on a foundation that's not "you", sets you up for some rocky times ahead.

Also, careful about telling too many females that your family is rich - lot's of gold diggers out there looking to hustle guys with $$ and no self esteem.

[jessed03]

Ok, good answers man, I was kinda testing to see if you were aspie, in a polite way. It makes life easier that you're not ;)

Seriously, are your social skills just rusty? Ive worked freelance, and grew up shy and my relationships kinda sucked, it was only when I got into sales and socialized with tonnes of people that everything became more natural.

The problem must be one of two things right?

Logistics, and not meeting enough quality women, or -- and pardon my french -- you're as boring as f*ck or still have social problems.

I say that, as when in a relationship, two people connect somewhat. It should feel fun, rather than a task. Good social skills/ being interesting will at least stop a relationship from fizzing out for at least a year or so. So thats my advice for B.) and C.)... Get your social skills up to scratch and do a couple of cool hobbies. Conversation will be better and you'll bring some passion and a few good stories to the table. Why would things fizzle out if you involve her in something cool that you enjoy. I had a screwed up childhood, you miss out on much of the things that kids learn, such as making friends naturally and forming bonds and connections. It's tempting as an adult to over think things that are meant to happen naturally. You have money, make it happen. Relationships only usually fizzle out when there wasn't much attraction to begin with, or one member is flat, or doesn't generate feelings of passion excitement in her and the dopamine dies down before shes invested enough to hang on in there. Sometimes you may be too different with your partner and the whole thing doesnt work so well. Don't sweat it, happens to us all, you gotta wait till you find someone you match up with in many areas. Takes time. It's also a numbers game, don't be afraid to play it.

As for screening a woman, you aren't autistic are you? :-P.. What are you screening for? To start with, you can only date women who are attracted to you, so making simple small talk and gauging reactions will at least let you know your playing field. After that your emotions do the screening. Do you enjoy her company, do you laugh a lot around her, could you spend 6 or 7 hours with her without becoming insanely bored? Do you really wanna get her naked? If so, you date for a little while, if all is still good, you check out logistics. Is her place too far? Are you discovering clashing behaviours? Does she have a cat you're allergic to? If there are no problems congrats you have a girlfriend. Again its a numbers game, and you can improve your odds by meeting girls through friends, through mutual hobbies or through niche dating sites. Not always possible though. You gotta have a good number turnover to ensure your search will end quicker.

The potential problems I see here:

* The women you want arent attracted to you, and so you're unenthusiastically rummaging through the bargain basement section, and that lack of excitement is affecting your charisma/charm.

* You have poor logistics and aren't able to meet the types or quantity of women needed for you to meet ones you're compatible with.

* You have social issues still. Anything from depression to anxiety, low self esteem/confidence, rusty or underdeveloped social skill to apathy. Any of which would cause you to vastly overthink things, and be quite flat and struggle when it comes to forming and maintaining attraction.

[alankay]

The gals will respond if you approach them and talk to them. Let them know you like them and want to be around them. Show interest, find out about their interests goals, feelings, etc. It will come back to you. Be sincere. Bathe/shave often and early. :) Alankay

[gandy]

* The women you want arent attracted to you, and so you're enthusiastically rummaging through the bargain basement section, and that lack of excitement is affecting your charisma/charm.

* You have poor logistics and aren't able to meet the types or quantity of women needed for you to meet ones you're compatible with.

* You have social issues still. Anything from depression to anxiety, low self esteem/confidence, rusty or underdeveloped social skill to apathy. Any of which would cause you to vastly overthink things, and be quite flat and struggle when it comes to forming and maintaining attraction.

Anyway, may Gandy watch over and guide you until this issue is solved!


that seems to be the problem,thanks

let our heavenly father morph you to your full potential