so angry.

[Sarah_1292]

Hey guys, some of you might of seen my other post about my anxiety in general, anyways I mention intrusive thoughts and also how out of the blue I looked at my partner and my family and just felt nothing , disconnected, no love distant and it happened within a second. Since then ive only been round my partner as my family dont live were I am, and every now and then I have these b.s thoughts 'what if I dont love him anymor' 'do i?' 'he doesnt deserve me thinking this' Awh my gawd there back just like that!! Im actually going nuts! It just came on after we were play fighting, he does know about these feelings I get, as again those of you who read my last post will know hes my rock always supporting me, letting me cry on his shoulder he understands and is always there for me.

Am I alone with these feelings why am I feeling them? I know I love him ots almost like the more happiness I gain aka laughing and playfighting, the harder I fall and take a step back and have these 'do I love him' and I over think it to the point I get worse intrusive thoughts im on the verge of crying im so fed up of this, its like im not allowed to be happy with him.

Its not even just him though when im like this I dont even give my family a thought.

I used to be really really really broody, but since my anxiety flared back up in June the thought of having a baby makes me feel sick..why, I dont know! Its like I try to convince myself its all wrong and I need out. But its not.. Someone please tell me you understand and why :/

[MitchHuxtable]

Im also a bit like this, my thoughts are tricking me, I tend to just stay in my room not saying much to my family etc. my thoughts are horrible too :(

[Sarah_1292]

Anxietys ruined me. I dont even know who I am anymore, where I should be going in life, I cant even think as my minds constantly blank yet protrays all these negative thoughts,

[Sarah_1292]

I don't know how I go about trying to sort these out in my head though, eventually after a few weeks the strong feelings fade, but they come back after a week, which is worse because its like "wow, now that's gone I can enjoy what I can with my partner" BOOM it happens again.

Anyways. I know I have denationalization, and like now this is so so rude of me, but everyone on my facebook almost just got a status saying "I wish everyone would just shut the f*** up!" :S

Since using this site its been strangers that have helped me yet im willing to be moody like that! I'm never like that in person I just had an urge to do it :/

[Sarah_1292]

No, I haven't been to a doctor about my anxiety really since I was 16 (I'm now 21) The first doctor tried to section me, and the second one helped me overcome my panic attacks and he printed off symptons of panic attacks (As i'd never heard of panic attacks and didn't know I was having them I thought I was dying)
But i've never really thought about going to see a doctor, I'm constantly saying to myself "I really need to see someone I'm going insane" but when I'm sure I will go I wake up fine! so I think, oh well im ok, and then it happens again!

[Sarah_1292]

What is CBT?

[Sarah_1292]

Thank you, once I move im going to have to I think I just feel its going to ruin my relationship, my life and I'l go completely bonkers D: thank you for your time and advice

[Sarah_1292]

I am worried though that they'l undercover things I don't want to be uncovered and then I'l be worse off as it will be too much stress for me to handle?