fearing the worse

[Sarah_1292]

Hey there, this is my second post, im really finding this website helpful, anyways im just wondering if any of you lot experience this sort of panic:

I used to worry alot about myself (health anxiety) but not so much as my anxiety is thriving in different areas and testing my ability! Anyways, whenever my partner goes out/leaves the house and is out for ages I start to panic a little and eventually get to the state where im utterly in fear for the worse, I cry, pace floors, sometimes feel im actually about to throw up. Now, he is 23, sensible, he doesnt drink and he is careful. Tonight he was out with his friend who needed abit of guidance prior to a break up so it was best I didnt go as a couple comforting wouldnt be helpful, anyways I knew he was sat on a field within a minute walk, I knew he and his friend would be putting the world to right and wernt in any danger but still I worried 'what if anything bads happened' but I resisted texting him as I wanted to proove myself wrong, which I did :)

Friday was a bad day, he went out to meet our friend and after a few hours I started to worry, so I rang my friend and asked if he was with my partner, he wasnt anymore he had left ages ago, so my friend rang him..no answer which is unusual as he always has his phone, I then text him several times..no reply (he generally knows to text me absolutely anything, even a blank text so I know hes ok and he usually does. So anyways I started panic terribly my heart was thumping out my chest, I was nearly sick I didnt manage to eat my tea, I was crying, overthinking possibilitys that could have happened (i have extreme real life images and almost flash back like images) pacing the room and praying to hear the door, eventually through my torment the door went. I instantly went in a mood with him which ruined his night and he was gutted. Turns out he missed the bus home and decided to meet his friend for an hour until the next bus, his phone had also died.

I was so disappointed in myself, he doesnt go out much but when he does I go and so stupid shit like that, I trust him 100% so theres absolutely no worry about who hes with at all, I want him to enjoy himself and socialize, he deals with my burden real well he understands all my anxiety issues and never judges me hes even changed his ways in thinking and is always happy and positive which helps me massively but he needs a break and a social life who doesnt! I need a break from myself, Christ, anyways.

Its unnormal and even I know its unreasonable and over the top, he doesnt even go out often and the times I dont go with him is because I either dont feel like it, know il get cold sitting outside and also because I want him to have a break from me.

Now here is the next bit, hes going to a concert on Friday with his friend, its going to be really far away, his friends driving, as I say there sensible enough to afterwards find somewhere were they can sleep in the car for the night so they dont drive back the same night after driving there and it would be silly driving back late at night/early hours after a long day, my partner is going to keep me updated every hour just sending a short text so it gives me piece of mind but still im probably not going to sleep, im going to be a absolutes wreck!

[Sarah_1292]

Also on Friday it was one the first time he left without giving me a kiss bye as he rushed to catch the bus and I was busy sorting something and that played on my mind rotten, whenever he leaves I need and have to make sure I said I love him and be careful, its almost like if I dont il regret it for the rest of my life if something happened it would be on me, I didnt say those things to him what if he doesnt know! (he definitely does its just again, and I know my anxiety.

[chuckie99c]

I know exactly how you feel.

My partner of 17 months went out for the first time to a reunion and didn't get home until 3am ! He had accidentally dropped his cell phone in my car when I was dropping him off to the bar at 7.30pm. He did Facebook message me via a friend once to inform me that hopefully I would find his phone in my car - which I did. Apart from that we had zero contact and omg I was so anxious especially as it was just so late. We had an argument as my mind worries he might wander with other ladies etc etc (at least you don't have that issue).

He is now saying he will NEVER go out alone again and that makes me feel sad as I want him to be happy and not sit on a Saturday night listening to me breathing fast and acting like a zombie on meds.

I guess we just need to relax more !!! Easier said than done huh.

[Sarah_1292]

I know its stupid, I really can't relax once I get into that state, but I'm going to try telling myself "He's ok and im going to proove my head wrong because he's going to be home soon" .But as you say, easier said than done haha!

[tailspin]

I worry a lot about these things too. I find that keeping busy helps. Even if it's something mundane like cleaning the house.

Can you make some plans with a friend the night your partner is going to his concert? That way you won't be home alone counting down the hours.

[Sarah_1292]

Hey tailspin, thanks for your reply, theres not much I have the pc and ps3 but they dont help but I might get into bed and watch my favourite programmes, it sounds really lame but ive not had any opportunitys to meet people whilst living here, no work yet, I was on a training course but the people on it were idiots by idiots I mean 23 year olds encouraging everyone to make farm animal noises and to throw paper at people when the tutor turned her back, and there were 40 year olds actually doing it. Anyways that luckily only lasted 2 months, so I dont really have any friends up here yet, I know people but not to the point I would hang with them. All my friends live away where I moved from :) which I realized I dont socialize enough after someone asked me for help other day I felt good not only for helping but because I spoke to someone new, even if it was an elderly couple.

Im starting work experience next month and im going to put all my effort in, constantly spend ages putting pride into my appearance like I used to (i have a lack of interest in myself but then I drag myself down for constantly putting my hair in a bun and chucking leggings and a hoodie on) im going to make myself socialize with people I wouldnt normally and go in as the happy positive person everyone used to want to be around ect, its experience at a hospital and there will be work classes so I want to make friendships :)

I know I went on about something different in the end but I find this site really bringing out all my problems, I can just say it all and not worry and I know people understand, so the socializing thing just had to be said..in hindsight it made me feel better saying it >,<

[tailspin]

I find this site really helpful too!

I didn't realize you had only recently moved to a new place. That can be very stressful in itself. I can imagine that is adding to your fears when your partner goes out. It's good to hear you are starting work experience soon. And in the meantime, hanging out on this site can be a good way to pass some time!

[NeverToo...Fear]

Hey, I too experience this problem quite often. I worry a lot about the other people I care about in my life. From the moment they leave, the worry clock starts ticking until they come home. I constantly fear that they won't come back. I totally hate why I do this. And it's terrible when I try to call them, to put my mind at ease, and when they don't answer--ugh, anxiety overdrive. I've been to the point of wanting to cry and throw up. It's terrible and I'm sorry you are going through it.
Everyone kinda laughs at me, 'cause I do worry a lot--especially about other ppl I love dearly, but they also understand and are very positive and try to be light-hearted about it. Naturally I'm always trying to calm myself, cause in my head it's always a worst case scenario with me.

I read this a few months ago and it kinda helps me a little bit: "When two souls fall in love, there is nothing else but the yearning to be close to the other. The presence that is felt through a hand held, a voice heard, or a smile seen. Souls do not have calenders or clocks, nor do they understand the notion of time or distance. They only know it feels right to be with one another. This is the reason why you miss someone so much when they are not there-- even if they are only in the very next room. Your soul only feels their absence-- it doesn't realize the separation is temporary." You see? We just have overly sensitive souls! :) I hope this helps you feel better in some small way.. :)

[Marisa Tuffin]

Hey, I too experience this problem quite often. I worry a lot about the other people I care about in my life. From the moment they leave, the worry clock starts ticking until they come home. I constantly fear that they won't come back. I totally hate why I do this. And it's terrible when I try to call them, to put my mind at ease, and when they don't answer--ugh, anxiety overdrive. I've been to the point of wanting to cry and throw up. It's terrible and I'm sorry you are going through it.
Everyone kinda laughs at me, 'cause I do worry a lot--especially about other ppl I love dearly, but they also understand and are very positive and try to be light-hearted about it. Naturally I'm always trying to calm myself, cause in my head it's always a worst case scenario with me.

I read this a few months ago and it kinda helps me a little bit: "When two souls fall in love, there is nothing else but the yearning to be close to the other. The presence that is felt through a hand held, a voice heard, or a smile seen. Souls do not have calenders or clocks, nor do they understand the notion of time or distance. They only know it feels right to be with one another. This is the reason why you miss someone so much when they are not there-- even if they are only in the very next room. Your soul only feels their absence-- it doesn't realize the separation is temporary." You see? We just have overly sensitive souls! :) I hope this helps you feel better in some small way.. :)

Glad to have found this forum, I never thought would find someone with same fears as me as have never yet in the past!!!! Basically I am scared of loved ones that have set off for America, am in UK. I used to fear what you did with someone just leaving for a few hours or more. I didn't cope too well when they went somewhere else for 6 days. Now its esculated!! Am freaking out!! They get the plane in the morning and am so scared of not being able to cope that am nearly phoning them to beg them to not go, at same time cannot do this as this trip is something they've been wanting to do all their lives. I barely slept last night for it and tonight not at all yet!!!
Now am scared of not sleeping and am so very tired. I was getting over a viral thing before this happened so was already low!! Scared that I may die or freak out from no sleep and worried for them as they are not young and are driving across america.
Am not good with sleeping pills, as last time I had one, was yrs ago but it made me worse, had bad reaction to it.
tried a glass of wine tonight, but ended up not feeling good and started to sweat prob through all the stress and raised heartbeat. How am I going to come with 11 days when I can't cope with 1??? Its like I dread how long it is before they return. If it was a few days only I'd be fine. Also the fact that its another country. :( :(

[Sarah_1292]

Tailspin - I'm moving in a few days but I've been waiting almost 4 years to move out with my partner so I'm a little excited (Its my first place) but no doubt it will add to my already stressful lifestyle! but I wouldn't say its major :) regarding moving to a "new area" that too isn't a problem, my partners lived here all his life - I met him and lived 75 miles away so after 3 years I've moved in with him and his dad and were just moving elsewhere in the same town, but I've been coming to this town now on and off for 4 years but as I say I've lived here since Dec, but finally getting my own place:)

NeverToo...Fear - I get what you're saying completely! Whilst its abit strange on my behalf, because I don't see my family, they live somewhat 75 miles away I don't worry, my mums been in Spain for a month and still I don't worry, for the past few years since my dad passed, my mum has these episodes were she "feels like commiting suicide" Still...I don't worry I know she won't..She's had depression for around 20 odd years but she likes a bit of drama every now and then and over-react's and say's things she doesn't mean! So I don't take anything too seriously from it! (Sounds really bad on my behalf but you've got to understand I've ran home sometimes from being with friends because she's told family members she's going to kill herself, and as I say I've ran home and at the time I wasn't seeing my good friends much because I wanted to stay home to make sure she's ok and she's been on YouTube watching funny video's laughing so I've been like what!?) So I don't know really but I don't worry about anyone in my family...just when my partner goes out but then again I live with him. Its even weird as I say about my family because I have a really weird way of thinking, If I see an old couple ect I think "aww bless, one day one of them are going to be left alone"
and its the same when I see old people get on the bus I wonder how long they have left..that's not normal right!?

I really like what you said about the souls yearning to be with on another, was really lovely :)


Marisa Tuffin - Its understandable why you would be abit unsettled, its a long long way away, but just remember there going to really enjoy themselves :) the reason you feel astho you could die ect is just because as you say you've got a viral thing, not sleeping is going to make you feel disorientated and not with it! and also over activity of the brain/Anxiety, worrying really takes it out of you, drains you! You will sleep eventually, your just exhausted by the sounds of it, Hope you start feeling better soon

[NeverToo...Fear]

@Marisa

Sorry you are going through this..it's tough, but we've got to keep it together..it's totally nerve wracking and really puts us on edge, but I'm sure they will be fine. And you will too..hopefully some sleep will make you feel better :) And you can always come here to chat and help distract yourself, because this forum is great! Wonderful support and people that understand.

@Sarah

Maybe it's just the family we interact in our lives on a daily basis with..I have a tight knit family I live with that I deeply care and naturally obsessively worry about--but I also have other relatives (cousins, aunt, uncles, ect) that I really don't worry about at all...I still care about them naturally, but the worry isn't there...anyways, sounds like your mom is keeping it interesting, lol.

And your way of thinking isn't too weird to me. I think that way too..almost the same exact wondering..It's probably not normal, I don't know..but it's who we are :)

[Marisa Tuffin]

Thanks Sarah, well I had no sleep at all that night, and last night 1hr. Have had 4hrs in 3 nights. I keep getting a racey heartbeat and its putting me off sleeping or rather I just can't. Last night I went and got in daughters bed for a cuddle and felt really relaxed, so got in my bed and dozed on and off for an hour. Felt so much better for it for awhile. Was expecting parents to phone me as they said they would when they got there. Was hours later, still felt pretty calm when at this point I could've been bad. They had gotten lost and couldn't find hotel in Las Vegas!!! I was already worrying and still am about their trek across grand canyon!! Dad is very tired so hope he is sleeping now in their time. What is bad tho' is that can't talk to them on mobile and they can't call me. Nightmare scenario for me. At mo any communication is through my aunt who lives there as she can call them.
I should've gone back to bed last night really as I know I would've slept as was calm, heart not racing.
I got Dizapam from the drs yest 2mg, not taken yet as felt I didn't need to last night with the early kip. Am so tired now tho' that am worrying it will just turn me into a zombie and I still won't sleep. Been starting to become forgetful, taking ages posting this up, started seeing things like in a dreamstate but am awake. I should be able to crash out no matter whats going on by now.

[Marisa Tuffin]

Thanks never to fear, didn't see you had posted as well. Am trying!! Doesn't help with partner going on to sleep. I know he right but it puts more pressure on, have explained this to him but no notice.

[Sarah_1292]

Thanks never to fear, didn't see you had posted as well. Am trying!! Doesn't help with partner going on to sleep. I know he right but it puts more pressure on, have explained this to him but no notice.

I know what you mean about your partner going to sleep it make more intense for you I always feel on edge if he falls asleep before me so he tends to wait till im asleep maybe go to bed half an hour before him?