mosa369
09-24-2013, 04:30 PM
Evening all :)
I'm new here and also new to forums not sure what to expect. I'm a 28 year old female from London and mother of two.
I've read quite a few stories on here so I only thought it was far to share my experience with Anxiety.
It started I guess 13 years ago when I experiences my first Anxiety Attack, at the age of 15 I was smoking Marijuana. Now I don't blame Marijuana for my onset Anxiety as I have always been a worrier even as a young child I think that smoking Marijuana opened up a door in my brain that should have been kept shut. So 3 years later at the age of 18 I stopped smoking and have never looked back - I then went on to have my first child and for about 7 years I was Anxiety Attack free until year 2009. Now a mother of two my relationship with my partner had taken a big turn and violence on both sides began. My partner was my high school crush and I loved him too much it was an unhealthy relationship so in 2010 he had left the family home and met someone else within weeks. I moved on as if this situation was not affecting me and like an Elastic band my emotions were stretched till one day they came crashing down all at once.
I was on the Piccadilly train making my way home with a friend of mine it had been a nice day shopping, I was sitting listening to my iPod when all of a sudden my heart started to beat ridiculously out of control. In a panic I turned to my friend and said something's wrong with me I took her hand and placed it on my chest and asked her can you feel my heart, she said yes and looked at me with a worried face and said I had also gone pale. With that I stood up and in my head all I could think of was I'm going to die if I don't get off this train.
That night I had clusters of Attacks throughout till the next day.
In the next few months after my episode my Anxiety took a real turn it got so bad that I wouldn't leave my house, my Mother came to live with me which was great but when she had to leave for a day to sort out her house I would get in such a state. In those dark days were it seemed like I was trapped not once did I have suicidal thoughts though I was just tired and exhausted from the war inside my head. I had lost so much weight, withdrawn myself, cut friends out, and also started to doubt those close to me with extreme paranoia.
I decided to take charge with a visit to my GP she prescribed me with Anti - Depressants I decided not to take them and still have the packet in my cupboard 3 years on as a reminder. I then contacted my local mental health team and was assigned a Therapist who specialised in CBT. I attended sessions over a period of 5 months and at the time I felt it wasn't helping me but came to realise I was using the techniques during an attack.
So here I am 3 years later still suffering with Anxiety and like others I have good days then really bad days, with Anxiety I have noticed that you can develop new symptoms. Right now my symptoms are - Racing Heart, Heart Flutters, Dizziness, Hallucinating, Heart Burn, and Trouble Swallowing though that is rare. The Mental symptoms are - Racing thoughts, Guilt, Paranoia, Fear of death, Fear of falling ill, Fear of having a heart attack, Fear of flying I could go on :D
Though now the physical symptoms are just like riding a wave when I feel one coming on I just let it happen and reassure myself that it's an Anxiety Attack and if I faint I'll be fine because there are people around me. It's a horrible condition to live with and I sympathise with each story I see - All the self help books and advice is so good but it's the mind that we are battling on a daily basis. Like a war it's tiring but your not alone just when I think I'm the only one I hear and read other peoples struggles and that brings a sense of relief that I'm not crazy it's not all in my head these symptoms are as real as they come.
My first thread and I've written an essay sorry if I've go on a bit I just started then couldn't stop, thank you for reading.
Bless xxx
I'm new here and also new to forums not sure what to expect. I'm a 28 year old female from London and mother of two.
I've read quite a few stories on here so I only thought it was far to share my experience with Anxiety.
It started I guess 13 years ago when I experiences my first Anxiety Attack, at the age of 15 I was smoking Marijuana. Now I don't blame Marijuana for my onset Anxiety as I have always been a worrier even as a young child I think that smoking Marijuana opened up a door in my brain that should have been kept shut. So 3 years later at the age of 18 I stopped smoking and have never looked back - I then went on to have my first child and for about 7 years I was Anxiety Attack free until year 2009. Now a mother of two my relationship with my partner had taken a big turn and violence on both sides began. My partner was my high school crush and I loved him too much it was an unhealthy relationship so in 2010 he had left the family home and met someone else within weeks. I moved on as if this situation was not affecting me and like an Elastic band my emotions were stretched till one day they came crashing down all at once.
I was on the Piccadilly train making my way home with a friend of mine it had been a nice day shopping, I was sitting listening to my iPod when all of a sudden my heart started to beat ridiculously out of control. In a panic I turned to my friend and said something's wrong with me I took her hand and placed it on my chest and asked her can you feel my heart, she said yes and looked at me with a worried face and said I had also gone pale. With that I stood up and in my head all I could think of was I'm going to die if I don't get off this train.
That night I had clusters of Attacks throughout till the next day.
In the next few months after my episode my Anxiety took a real turn it got so bad that I wouldn't leave my house, my Mother came to live with me which was great but when she had to leave for a day to sort out her house I would get in such a state. In those dark days were it seemed like I was trapped not once did I have suicidal thoughts though I was just tired and exhausted from the war inside my head. I had lost so much weight, withdrawn myself, cut friends out, and also started to doubt those close to me with extreme paranoia.
I decided to take charge with a visit to my GP she prescribed me with Anti - Depressants I decided not to take them and still have the packet in my cupboard 3 years on as a reminder. I then contacted my local mental health team and was assigned a Therapist who specialised in CBT. I attended sessions over a period of 5 months and at the time I felt it wasn't helping me but came to realise I was using the techniques during an attack.
So here I am 3 years later still suffering with Anxiety and like others I have good days then really bad days, with Anxiety I have noticed that you can develop new symptoms. Right now my symptoms are - Racing Heart, Heart Flutters, Dizziness, Hallucinating, Heart Burn, and Trouble Swallowing though that is rare. The Mental symptoms are - Racing thoughts, Guilt, Paranoia, Fear of death, Fear of falling ill, Fear of having a heart attack, Fear of flying I could go on :D
Though now the physical symptoms are just like riding a wave when I feel one coming on I just let it happen and reassure myself that it's an Anxiety Attack and if I faint I'll be fine because there are people around me. It's a horrible condition to live with and I sympathise with each story I see - All the self help books and advice is so good but it's the mind that we are battling on a daily basis. Like a war it's tiring but your not alone just when I think I'm the only one I hear and read other peoples struggles and that brings a sense of relief that I'm not crazy it's not all in my head these symptoms are as real as they come.
My first thread and I've written an essay sorry if I've go on a bit I just started then couldn't stop, thank you for reading.
Bless xxx