Newbie..

[J19o94y]

thankyou for all your posts

[alankay]

Well this is an over simplification but you are a victim of the "drama of life" and your own actions as well as those around you.
My advise would be to make a simple promise to yourself to learn from your experience and put it use. Concentrate as best you can on you positives you have and work to nurture them. I mean for Mom and boyfriend, etc. You see yesterday doesn't matter as it's done as long as you learn and apply the lessons. You were very young and we all pull stupid stuff(I did) because we didn't really know better and understand.
Well now you do, see. You can make yourself feel better but loving those who are good to you and just refusing to deal or be involved with those who don't love and care for you. Look at them as piles of shit. You don't step on them, but steer clear of them. If that's their deal(doing bad), you want NO part of it.
Also consider some counseling and developing your faith. No joke. You made mistakes and aren't the first or last but you can make it almost worth it if you apply what you've learned and keep a pure path.
Start by telling you Mom how you much you were wrong and love her and will show her by how you treat her and become a wonderful daughter to her. Maybe you were meant to screw up so you be a better person. We all screw up but IF we learn from it and become a better person, maybe it's not all that bad in the scope of the entirety of your very young life. Probably help your anxiety as well. Think about it. PM me any time. Alankay

[alankay]

I bet in time you will. Considering what you've been through I'm not surprised you're anxious right now.
Remember, what you did and have been through doesn't define you. But what you do with it does.
Live well and love much including yourself. Give yourself another chance and make the most of it. Help kids, older folks, as well as those you love, etc, and find that better path for yourself. In time you will turn yourself around all the way. Alankay

[NeverToo...Fear]

Hi, J and welcome to the forum :)

I think it's very brave of you to post all of this and share your personal story with everyone here. A great step to moving forward is to talk about your past and how you are feeling. It sounds like you went down a series of bad decisions, but you can't really blame yourself. We don't really think rationally at 15--I know I didn't, but the important part is that you survived and you can certainly learn from these terrible experiences. In the end you come out as a stronger person. Ofc, you could think that none of it needed to happen, but it did and it's best to accept what happened and move forward in a positive light. I know you can't easily just shake off the fear, but that's normal. It's not something that should be ignored or forgotten, but accepting and not letting it define and control you.. Alankay hit all the really good points and has some really great advice, but I just want to enforce the benefits of surrounding yourself with people that love you and avoiding all the shiit piles out there.

A quote that comes to mind, "You'll meet two kinds of people in life, the ones that tear you down, and the ones who build you up, in the end you'll thank them both." ..Just don't forget that you are a great person, people love you, and you do have your own personality and individuality. Best of luck to you in getting better :)

[Olive Yew]

Sweetie I just want to give you a big hug. You are so incredibly strong. To have survived through all of that and still fighting. I admire you greatly. <3 if you ever need a friend or someone to talk to, i'm here for you.