Trying to find the root cause of my anxiety

[EatTrainSleep]

I'll get straight to the point. I started competing in powerlifting last year. It is a sport I truly love, because it allows me to develop myself without worrying about team members. I used to get anxiety attacks in school, when I was bullied for being overweight. Since I finnished school and started training I've been in better shape than ever, and the anxiety was gone... until the day I started competing.

On the day of the meet, I got the exact same feeling I used to get in school when being bullied. I have no idea why. I was not nervous about the lifting itself, as I am pretty confident in that regard, and the people there were really nice to me, so it wasn't like I was being bullied again. However, I noticed that whenever someone touched me or tried talking to me, I just broke down mentally. After panicking, I was forced to enter the bathroom and cry for almost an hour, while breathing really heavy. This all happened after I got my silver medal and people walked up to congratulate.

Why did all this happen? I really do love my sport, and I don't want to give it up just because of this. I get a similar feeling when I'm at any kind of social gathering. I do not think it has anything to do with some kind of social phobia though, because I'm not afraid of the people, it's more like an emotion that comes on for no rational reason.

[u4ea]

I'll get straight to the point. I started competing in powerlifting last year. It is a sport I truly love, because it allows me to develop myself without worrying about team members. I used to get anxiety attacks in school, when I was bullied for being overweight. Since I finnished school and started training I've been in better shape than ever, and the anxiety was gone... until the day I started competing.

On the day of the meet, I got the exact same feeling I used to get in school when being bullied. I have no idea why. I was not nervous about the lifting itself, as I am pretty confident in that regard, and the people there were really nice to me, so it wasn't like I was being bullied again. However, I noticed that whenever someone touched me or tried talking to me, I just broke down mentally. After panicking, I was forced to enter the bathroom and cry for almost an hour, while breathing really heavy. This all happened after I got my silver medal and people walked up to congratulate.

Why did all this happen? I really do love my sport, and I don't want to give it up just because of this. I get a similar feeling when I'm at any kind of social gathering. I do not think it has anything to do with some kind of social phobia though, because I'm not afraid of the people, it's more like an emotion that comes on for no rational reason.

I'm not a mental health professional, but it almost seems like anxiety and panic are definitely triggered by certain stressors in your life.

Being bullied is stressful - festering within your mind; induces severe anxiety and panic. I also find it interesting that you say you were fine "until you first started competing." Again, it sounds like the pressure of competing, excelling and winning may put such a mental load on your brain, that panic attacks and anxiety are induced(?)

Trying to pinpoint the "root cause" of your anxiety may be futile - for it might be deeper organically than that; you're much better of working on accepting and implementing a technique that helps you overcome/deal with theses episodes.

Whatever you do, please don't give up doing what you love on account of anxiety. You're cheating yourself if you do...