bathtimehippo
09-19-2013, 10:01 AM
I wanted to share my experience of panic attacks and anxiety and hopefully provide a message of hope to anyone currently suffering.
I started to have panic attacks after taking ill on a tube train in London one hot, busy summer's day. It got to the point where I couldn't go out of my flat without feeling sure I was going to faint (note: panic attack sufferers often feel they'll faint but almost never do) or worse. I remember making it to the supermarket once and fleeing because it just got too much. Another time I ran for the bus (I'm pretty fit, and it wasn't a strenuous run) and hyperventilated once on it.
I started to think life was going way downhill. I had been so care-free and all of a sudden had all of this weird, bizarre, irrational stuff to deal with. I became obsessed with illness. The running thing gave me a fear of getting my heart rate up (through exercise), such that I had to re-learn that this was perfectly normal and, indeed, vital to the body being alive!
But the point of this message is to point out what I GOT from this experience and how I beat it. I am not a doctor, and I am not trying to tell anyone how to live, but perhaps you will find something of help or comfort.
1) Firstly, ACCEPT your situation. I am an atheist but I believe strongly in the idea of an ego (mind) that is responsible for our fears and guilt. The pure self within us has no such concepts; our fears, identifications, greed, inhibitions etc etc all come from upstairs. The ego craves identification with things and sensation to find interest in. By fighting your anxiety you feed it and create this sensation.
Although it is totally counter intuitive, try not to resist your anxiety or panic but to ACCEPT it. This is endorsed by the majority of panic attack guides in some form (some say laugh at it, others say be compassionate towards it, etc). Ekhaart Tolle, author of the best-selling A New Earth, talks about how there is only now, and there is only what IS. There is no good and bad, or something "I do not deserve". They are labels applied by us, by our fearful, control-hungry egos. Forget the idea that what you are going through is bad, and that you do not deserve it, and just accept it. By finding peace with it you weaken your perpetuation of it.
2) Caffeine - you don't need it! I worked in a London media company with lots of people who would say things like "I can't get going in the morning without my caffeine injection". What became clear was that this was fashionable. They were glad to be dependent (so they thought) on a drug. The reality is caffeine is a very bad idea if you have anxiety. It is so effective at getting the heart rate up that paramedics give it to infants with heart failure!
Cocaine is also a stimulant, but you wouldn't use that to get going in the morning. Discover decaf coffee (if someone gave you a decaf coffee, and you thought it was caffeinated, I would bet a fair amount you wouldn't realise) or herbal tea. Many forms of the latter are associated with calmness, e.g. chamomile, to boot.
3) Discover yoga or something similar. Yoga is terrific because it has the double effect of being very spiritual in terms of connecting with your body and spirit, but also great exercise. I took to Kundalini yoga, which an intense form of the art, and it really helped me. Kundalini yoga is designed to harness the energy held in the abdoman (hence why you feel butterflies in your tummy) and you better believe it does this very effectively. I have had feelings through Kundalini yoga that are akin to orgasm - I am not joking. (Disclaimer: check with your doctor before starting yoga or any form of exercise).
By extension to this point, sport is a great meditation. If you don't do a sport already, now is a great time to take one up. I rediscovered swimming (I had swum for a club when I was younger) and the place I went to had a high diving board. Believe me, you forget ALL about anxiety and panic when you're in the throes of excitement jumping off a 5m diving board! It became my sanctuary.
4) This one might seem a little subjective, but for me certain forms of music really helped me through it. I'm talking about, in particular, trippy, chilled-out electronic music. If you thought electronic music was just trash dished out in clubs, think again. I'm talking in particular about MIXES, which are pieces of music mixed together to be one, long piece, more than the sum of its parts. They last on average an hour or so, and allow you to journey with them. It's one of those innately spiritual things that's hard to put into words, but try it. I found doing yoga to this sort of music hugely spiritual and transcended any egoic sense of panic or worry. Here's two good examples:
youtu.be.com/watch?v=gs90tiRpuVg
mixcloud.com/Pathaan/global-rotation/
Again, I know music, like any art, is subjective, but I couldn't imagine having the same experience with something like jazz or The Beatles. There's something beautifully spiritual about well-done, intelligent electronic music. It is other-worldly, ethereal. Either you'll know what I mean or you won't!
5) Love yourself. A cliche? Well, the best advice will be repeated often and so runs the risk of seeming like a cliche. Realise you are whole, and the fears and identifications you carry are just stories of the mind. There is everything to love about you, and nothing to regret or hate. Whatever bodily difficulties you are going through right now are just that, bodily. Panic is circumstantial and can and will be overcome. Believe in and love yourself and you cannot fail.
6) Forgiveness. This is a great time to revisit the idea of forgiveness - of anything: yourself, others, situations, whatever. Until you do, you carry that negativity with you, and that is the last thing you need at a time like this. An inability to forgive is just your ego clinging on to personalised sensation. If someone has said or done something to you, it is just their ego. And in any case, it is just words and actions. They should have no power to subtract from who you are, or hinder your ability to love yourself. We are all at the mercy of the words and actions of others out there - our only element of control is the extent to which we allow them to affect us.
7) Look at your diet. My wife is very into raw food these days so we have a lot of meals that are based on that concept. You really feel better for it. Again, it's a form of self love, to ingest the right substances. Your body thanks you for it, juts as it does by releasing seretonin and endorphins when you exercise (see 3). If your diet is poor, there is nothing in it that will give you a better chance of getting through this. Alcohol, too, is not the answer. It is an escape, a fleeting glimpse of what is possible through true happiness, but as we all know it is temporary.
8) Drugs: you will decide for yourself if drugs are the answer, but the thing to remember is panic and anxiety are products of your own mind, and arguably of your own making. They are not unavoidable, circumstantial things you have simply been unfortunate to become afflicted with. The answer is within YOU, not drugs. Drugs may take the edge off, but they are not the ultimate answer. To treat them as the first recourse is to avoid the real issue. Any doctor will tell you drugs are not a long-term solution for anxiety (they will probably say councelling is...)
9) Councelling. When I was in the midst of my panic, I didn't know what was going on or where to turn. I eventually plumped for hypnotherapy. Firstly, if you're considering hypno, know that it's not the magic bullet it's often said to be. The therapist admitted to me that some people are not so susceptible to it, and I certainly feel like I fell into that category. I would feel relaxed, sure, but never hypnotised (whatever that is). I can't say I believe the techniques really worked, though he did help me with the issue of re-learning that the heart has to get faster when you exercise.
Other options are CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy), but that normally takes a lot of time and money.
Again, I would say look within before you look at therapy.
10) Realise there is only NOW. The past and future are unreal, so what power can they have? Yet our anxiety and fears stem entirely from these unreal dimensions and the personal stories we continue to carry from them. I dwelled on what would become of me (future) or how I got this problem (past). When I woke up to the now, I stopped feeding that cycle.
Finally, I want to say that this episode changed my life - for the better. I was a careerist in London, always with an eye on the next job. This made me see that too much emphasis is placed on work. We are a dot in an infinite universe and, ultimately, no one will give a sh*t what you did in your job. That is not to say it's not important (or perhaps it is), but so many people are identified with work so strongly that it's who they are. It's not.
I gained a focus on the simple joy of life, the NOW (for there is only now - the past is gone and inconsequential and the future is never here), and in other representations of life. I found myself smiling at pigeons (seriously!), remarking to myself that they were also life. (Sidenote: the compassion this brings makes it pretty unavoidable to become vegetarian.) Stuff like this I had never really noticed or thought about.
I find myself much more 'awake' and prioritised these days.
SO, there you go! Again, I am not saying any or all of the above is what you should necessarily do. I am simply telling my story. I know when I was in those dark grips that I looked around for other people's stories, for signs of hope, for anything.
More than anything, I wish you well. You can do it, you really can, no matter how desparate things feel now. If you want to PM me for more info on anything, I will help in any way I can.
Peace and love
I started to have panic attacks after taking ill on a tube train in London one hot, busy summer's day. It got to the point where I couldn't go out of my flat without feeling sure I was going to faint (note: panic attack sufferers often feel they'll faint but almost never do) or worse. I remember making it to the supermarket once and fleeing because it just got too much. Another time I ran for the bus (I'm pretty fit, and it wasn't a strenuous run) and hyperventilated once on it.
I started to think life was going way downhill. I had been so care-free and all of a sudden had all of this weird, bizarre, irrational stuff to deal with. I became obsessed with illness. The running thing gave me a fear of getting my heart rate up (through exercise), such that I had to re-learn that this was perfectly normal and, indeed, vital to the body being alive!
But the point of this message is to point out what I GOT from this experience and how I beat it. I am not a doctor, and I am not trying to tell anyone how to live, but perhaps you will find something of help or comfort.
1) Firstly, ACCEPT your situation. I am an atheist but I believe strongly in the idea of an ego (mind) that is responsible for our fears and guilt. The pure self within us has no such concepts; our fears, identifications, greed, inhibitions etc etc all come from upstairs. The ego craves identification with things and sensation to find interest in. By fighting your anxiety you feed it and create this sensation.
Although it is totally counter intuitive, try not to resist your anxiety or panic but to ACCEPT it. This is endorsed by the majority of panic attack guides in some form (some say laugh at it, others say be compassionate towards it, etc). Ekhaart Tolle, author of the best-selling A New Earth, talks about how there is only now, and there is only what IS. There is no good and bad, or something "I do not deserve". They are labels applied by us, by our fearful, control-hungry egos. Forget the idea that what you are going through is bad, and that you do not deserve it, and just accept it. By finding peace with it you weaken your perpetuation of it.
2) Caffeine - you don't need it! I worked in a London media company with lots of people who would say things like "I can't get going in the morning without my caffeine injection". What became clear was that this was fashionable. They were glad to be dependent (so they thought) on a drug. The reality is caffeine is a very bad idea if you have anxiety. It is so effective at getting the heart rate up that paramedics give it to infants with heart failure!
Cocaine is also a stimulant, but you wouldn't use that to get going in the morning. Discover decaf coffee (if someone gave you a decaf coffee, and you thought it was caffeinated, I would bet a fair amount you wouldn't realise) or herbal tea. Many forms of the latter are associated with calmness, e.g. chamomile, to boot.
3) Discover yoga or something similar. Yoga is terrific because it has the double effect of being very spiritual in terms of connecting with your body and spirit, but also great exercise. I took to Kundalini yoga, which an intense form of the art, and it really helped me. Kundalini yoga is designed to harness the energy held in the abdoman (hence why you feel butterflies in your tummy) and you better believe it does this very effectively. I have had feelings through Kundalini yoga that are akin to orgasm - I am not joking. (Disclaimer: check with your doctor before starting yoga or any form of exercise).
By extension to this point, sport is a great meditation. If you don't do a sport already, now is a great time to take one up. I rediscovered swimming (I had swum for a club when I was younger) and the place I went to had a high diving board. Believe me, you forget ALL about anxiety and panic when you're in the throes of excitement jumping off a 5m diving board! It became my sanctuary.
4) This one might seem a little subjective, but for me certain forms of music really helped me through it. I'm talking about, in particular, trippy, chilled-out electronic music. If you thought electronic music was just trash dished out in clubs, think again. I'm talking in particular about MIXES, which are pieces of music mixed together to be one, long piece, more than the sum of its parts. They last on average an hour or so, and allow you to journey with them. It's one of those innately spiritual things that's hard to put into words, but try it. I found doing yoga to this sort of music hugely spiritual and transcended any egoic sense of panic or worry. Here's two good examples:
youtu.be.com/watch?v=gs90tiRpuVg
mixcloud.com/Pathaan/global-rotation/
Again, I know music, like any art, is subjective, but I couldn't imagine having the same experience with something like jazz or The Beatles. There's something beautifully spiritual about well-done, intelligent electronic music. It is other-worldly, ethereal. Either you'll know what I mean or you won't!
5) Love yourself. A cliche? Well, the best advice will be repeated often and so runs the risk of seeming like a cliche. Realise you are whole, and the fears and identifications you carry are just stories of the mind. There is everything to love about you, and nothing to regret or hate. Whatever bodily difficulties you are going through right now are just that, bodily. Panic is circumstantial and can and will be overcome. Believe in and love yourself and you cannot fail.
6) Forgiveness. This is a great time to revisit the idea of forgiveness - of anything: yourself, others, situations, whatever. Until you do, you carry that negativity with you, and that is the last thing you need at a time like this. An inability to forgive is just your ego clinging on to personalised sensation. If someone has said or done something to you, it is just their ego. And in any case, it is just words and actions. They should have no power to subtract from who you are, or hinder your ability to love yourself. We are all at the mercy of the words and actions of others out there - our only element of control is the extent to which we allow them to affect us.
7) Look at your diet. My wife is very into raw food these days so we have a lot of meals that are based on that concept. You really feel better for it. Again, it's a form of self love, to ingest the right substances. Your body thanks you for it, juts as it does by releasing seretonin and endorphins when you exercise (see 3). If your diet is poor, there is nothing in it that will give you a better chance of getting through this. Alcohol, too, is not the answer. It is an escape, a fleeting glimpse of what is possible through true happiness, but as we all know it is temporary.
8) Drugs: you will decide for yourself if drugs are the answer, but the thing to remember is panic and anxiety are products of your own mind, and arguably of your own making. They are not unavoidable, circumstantial things you have simply been unfortunate to become afflicted with. The answer is within YOU, not drugs. Drugs may take the edge off, but they are not the ultimate answer. To treat them as the first recourse is to avoid the real issue. Any doctor will tell you drugs are not a long-term solution for anxiety (they will probably say councelling is...)
9) Councelling. When I was in the midst of my panic, I didn't know what was going on or where to turn. I eventually plumped for hypnotherapy. Firstly, if you're considering hypno, know that it's not the magic bullet it's often said to be. The therapist admitted to me that some people are not so susceptible to it, and I certainly feel like I fell into that category. I would feel relaxed, sure, but never hypnotised (whatever that is). I can't say I believe the techniques really worked, though he did help me with the issue of re-learning that the heart has to get faster when you exercise.
Other options are CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy), but that normally takes a lot of time and money.
Again, I would say look within before you look at therapy.
10) Realise there is only NOW. The past and future are unreal, so what power can they have? Yet our anxiety and fears stem entirely from these unreal dimensions and the personal stories we continue to carry from them. I dwelled on what would become of me (future) or how I got this problem (past). When I woke up to the now, I stopped feeding that cycle.
Finally, I want to say that this episode changed my life - for the better. I was a careerist in London, always with an eye on the next job. This made me see that too much emphasis is placed on work. We are a dot in an infinite universe and, ultimately, no one will give a sh*t what you did in your job. That is not to say it's not important (or perhaps it is), but so many people are identified with work so strongly that it's who they are. It's not.
I gained a focus on the simple joy of life, the NOW (for there is only now - the past is gone and inconsequential and the future is never here), and in other representations of life. I found myself smiling at pigeons (seriously!), remarking to myself that they were also life. (Sidenote: the compassion this brings makes it pretty unavoidable to become vegetarian.) Stuff like this I had never really noticed or thought about.
I find myself much more 'awake' and prioritised these days.
SO, there you go! Again, I am not saying any or all of the above is what you should necessarily do. I am simply telling my story. I know when I was in those dark grips that I looked around for other people's stories, for signs of hope, for anything.
More than anything, I wish you well. You can do it, you really can, no matter how desparate things feel now. If you want to PM me for more info on anything, I will help in any way I can.
Peace and love