New: Advice for loved one

[patientlywaiting]

Hello all,

I'm a male in my early 20s living in the Missouri area.

My spouse is suffering greatly from GAD and depression. She is unable to leave the house, go to work or do anything involved with being around more than two or three people. She has been battling this disorder for about 10 years with mixed success.

Her latest episode is the worst I've seen. It started out of the blue in late Sept. and is getting worse. Some days are better than others, but life is very incosistent as a whole. For example, just going to the drive-thru for a burger is has become a big ordeal. We've been to several doctors and tried many different prescription meds. One seems to help with anxiety but worsens the depression and vice versa. It almost seems like a different person has taken over the body of my high school sweetheart, who I've known for most of my life.

She needs to try counseling (I guess), but we can't afford it (see below)

She has been off work for several weeks, and it takes our two incomes together to make ends meet. We're REALLY struggling financially now, and she tries to muster the strength to return to her job in sales, but when it comes down to time to go, she says she can't do it and lies in bed most of the day.

We've been trying to "face fears," but returning to work is one she refuses to do. I've even offered to take the day off and sit with her at the office throughout an entire day of work.

I'm being as patient as I can, but these bills are piling up and I need her back working in the worst way. Our savings are gone and the checking account is running on fumes. I try not to let her know how "bad" our situation is because I know she doesn't need anything else to worry about. She already knows our finances are hurting, and she is blaming herself constantly. I tell her it will be OK, just so she won't worry too much.

Does anyone have any advice on how I could get her to attempt to return to work and other regular activities without being too harsh? I know if I said what I'm thinking at times, it would come across as brash and insensitive.

However, I do not suffer from this disorder, so I possess an outsider's view. To me, it's as simple as "get up and do it," but it seems it is not that easy to most people suffering from anxiety.

I really want to help her and I;m trying my hardest to be patient, and I'm afraid if I push too hard it will worsen the situation.

Please help me, I want to give my sweet wife her life back.

Any thoughts would be appreciated.

[Velrose]

Oh! I wish I had some magical cure for you. Instead I can offer some advice someone told my husband, and it helped him to understand what I was going through.

Anxiety isn't something someone can just "get over." I'm sure you know this, but as an outsider looking in, sometimes it is a hard concept to understand. A good friend of mine told my husband to look at it like this-- anxiety and panic is a sickness, no different than the cold or flu. Would you be insensitive to someone with the flu who needed your help and support-- or just a snuggle? Ok... now I am not claiming you're that way, and in fact, it sounds like you are trying really, really hard to be understanding for your wife, and that's a wonderful thing. I wish in the beginning of my issues that my husband had been so understanding. (don't worry, he is now! :) )

I take it you guys don't have insurance? I don't know how you feel about it, but some states have state ran facilities and health departments that offer help with mental problems. Perhaps some group counseling, or maybe even get her to join a forum like this. With me, the more I talk about my issues with people who are going through similar things, the better I feel. Check your local health and human services department... perhaps they can help with this.

I have never been as down as your wife seems to be, but if at all possible, she really needs to find some good, understanding people to talk with. Like I said, see if you can get her to join this forum, or even another--connecting with people who understand what she is going through can make a world of difference.

Money issues are rough, and your wife, the poor woman, knows this I am sure. I feel for you two, I really do--when I first started my therapy and seeing my psychiatrist I was scared to death of the cost, but it is/was something I needed.

This might sound off the wall--but perhaps she could try looking for some sort of work that she could do out of the home?

I wish I could be of more help, and I am sure there are others here who will have more useful information and advice.

Another question--and I don't know how it works-- but I wonder if Anxiety and depression could/is ever classified under disability. As in... if with proper documentation, would it be possible for her to collect a disability check?

ok... well I will end this here. Best wishes and I hope your wife feels better--and you--You keep a strong head on your shoulders! Be strong and have hope and faith.