Anyone have similar panic attacks?

[crazybrain]

Hi, I'm new to this forum, and I've had anxiety and panic attacks since around age 11. My panic attacks seem to be different than what I've heard others describe and I'm wondering if I'm alone in my symptoms. I first started with symptoms of anxiety after seeing a girl pass out at school in 5th grade. Soon after, I was afraid to go to school or pretty much leave the house for a few weeks until the end of the school year. I went back to school as usual the following year, but a few months into the school year, started to have similar anxiety and didn't go to school for months. I never really got over it, but pushed myself to go back to school in 7th grade. I always felt mildly anxious at school, but just dealt with it. Then in 8th grade for the first time I had what I now think was a full blown anxiety attack. I was sitting in a church service and feeling somewhat anxious as usual but then I suddenly started thinking strange thoughts that lead to extreme panic. Since then, I had the same sort of panic attacks throughout high school and college, and they have gotten less frequent as an adult. But I always struggle to understand exactly what my thoughts and feelings were that always caused these attacks. I am generally not a worrying/stressed type of person outside of these attacks. I did well in school, played sports, and was generally pretty social. I didn't tell anyone about these attacks until much later as an adult.

But I want to try to describe what I think I was thinking or feeling during these attacks and see if anyone has similar feelings. I know I was generally afraid of something bad physically happening to me that I wouldn't be able to handle - my worst fear being death. I didn't feel like anything was going to happen right at that moment, but it was just a weird feeling like I couldn't even handle living knowing that I'd eventually have to face dying and whatever illness/inury would lead to it. Then I would just get a feeling of completely feeling sorry for myself. All of these thoughts would go through my mind very quickly as I had an extremely panicky feeling like I couldn't handle being alive. I never really worried too much about what anyone else thought since I was just so uncomfortable in the moment. Sometimes I would leave the situation I was in to feel better, but usually the feelings just went away within a few minutes. They recurred so frequently, but usually only at school, church or in other large open buildings.

Even though I don't have these attacks as frequently as I used to, I am now finding myself obsessing over what these were about and
the possibility of having these feelings again. I was on Paxil which worked well for a long time, but I think it stopped working and I am in the process of switching to a new med.

Just wondering if anyone has felt/feels anything similar - would be interested to hear anyone's story or words of advice.

[tailspin]

but it was just a weird feeling like I couldn't even handle living knowing that I'd eventually have to face dying and whatever illness/inury would lead to it.


Hi crazybrain, Welcome to the site!

I can relate to part of this. I have these kinds of thoughts too. They come over me quickly and suddenly and apparently randomly, and my mind starts racing and in those moments it feels like life is a trap, from which there is no easy way out. The only way out is the great unknown of getting sick/injured and dying. These thoughts definitely make me feel panicky. It's almost a claustrophobia-like feeling because I do feel trapped in that moment. It's like, you're stuck on this journey of life and you know at the end of it lies sickness and death and it's all outside your control and there is no escape!

Typically these thoughts don't last very long, but they are intense and they do cause me to feel panicked. I get quite a few other racing thoughts which feel abnormal and scary too. However, this definitely isn't the worst part of my anxiety disorder. This is just a small part of it for me and I wouldn't call it a panic attack as such. My panic attacks are different. But it is definitely a component of my generalized anxiety.

Do you have any other symptoms? You mention that you take Paxil and are currently switching to a new med. Do you take an anti-depressant because of these thoughts? Maybe talking to a therapist could shed some more light on this?

[Cobra]

Sound pretty typical of my thinking before an attack.

[Dahila]

crazybrain welcome to the forum, we all have the similar situation :)