Overwhelmed

[rea]

Hi, I'm new here. Just wanted to find others with the same or similar issues.

I'm 30, and have been going thru anxiety related social issues for as long as I can remember. I still brave the world, but as a consequence, I get sick a lot. I've decided to start online dating recently, and have met a few people, but it's destroying my body. Every time I meet one, I go thru such pain a few days before and after.

For example, I met someone new this weekend. It's been 3 days since I met him, and my stomach still will not allow me to eat anything. I've lost about 10 pounds in the last 4 days, and I can't really afford to lose that much weight. My stomach hurts so bad, that every time I try to eat something, I can only get one bite down, then I want to be sick again.

I also am interviewing a candidate for a job where I work on Friday. I'm so nervous. It's Tuesday. Why!! I shouldn't be nervous, but I'm overcome with it. And I'm having a yearly performance review that day. I'm super nervous about that. I feel like it's cruel to have those on the same day. I don't want to go to either. Instead, I just want to crawl into a dark cave and escape my life. I have all these dreams and goals and they are severely hindered by what's happening to me when I try to interact with others. I have some friends, and am not nervous around them. I also feel ok around co-workers, but new people down right frighten me. I can't figure out what I need to do to make this stop. I'm not eating, I'm really not sleeping and not feeling comfortable in my skin.

As a side note, and back story... I've had two serious back surgeries. I'm more scarred emotionally from them, even though my entire torso is covered in scars. I feel crooked. All the time. Like a walking S. Even though my spine has been fused straight, I still feel crooked. It really haunts me, and I have no control over that part either.

I need help. Is anyone out there in my shoes too? Or do you have any thoughts on this madness?

[tailspin]

Hi rea,

Welcome. Sorry you're going through this. This website is a good resource and I hope it helps you to spend some time here. Regarding your anxiety and physical symptoms, I'm wondering if you've talked to your doctor or a psychiatrist about this? Anti-depressants help some people get some of this under control so that they are then in a better position to use other skills: CBT and/or relaxation techniques.

[alankay]

Perhaps the back surgeries have left you in a bit of a "hypersensitive" state.
The nervous system and and intestines are connected(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Enteric_nervous_system).
So I might ask the doc about a med like gabapentin(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gabapentin) just as a trial to get all this calmed down some. Pregabalin(Lyrica) is another option. Just an off the hip suggestion.
A beta blocker(propranolol 20-40mgs) might help as well if tremor/racing heart is an issue. This one might help just for the interviews. The applicant should be more nervous, not you. Just "evaluate the guy for the company". That's how I'd look at it and write down what you like to cover during the interview to give it some structure to follow. It might help allot by taking pressure off you and onto the content of the info you wrote down. Alankay

[alankay]

Forgot to mention that if you did lose 10 lbs in 4 days this is medically important to get addressed. Not a true emergency if you are 30 and healthy but this needs to be addressed with your doc IMHO. Alankay

[rea]

Thank you both for commenting. I'm still in a somewhat bad state. I don't have a therapist, and it's been a long time since I've been to a doctor. I've tried Lyrica before, but it makes me fall asleep on things like my keyboard, or while driving. I use gabapentin as an external pain med, in a gel form currently.

Tomorrow is Friday, which means I'm one day closer to the interview and review. I'm such a mess. Still haven't eaten much, terrible stomach ache that I can't shake. I feel like I'm losing my mind. This seems to be getting worse as I get older. I've also made plans for a second date with someone, and that has me also super nervous. Gosh, I wish I could stop this. It feels kinda hopeless though.

[tailspin]

I really hope the interview and the review go well. And that afterwards you are able to relax a bit and feel better. Good luck!

PS: I also want to add that having a performance review at work is stressful! So don't give yourself a hard time for feeling nervous about that. I think anyone would! And online dating is stressful too!