gillart
09-10-2013, 11:04 PM
Hi. I am a 40 year old single male professional. I have been doing presentations and travelling for meetings for 15 years. 10 years ago, I had an attack of sorts as I was starting a meeting. I had a flash of doubt that manifested itself in my entire body getting very hot, heart racing, and not being able to speak. Scared to death, I whispered (all I could do) to the others at the meeting that I had to excuse myself. It was very scary, and over the following weeks, I spiraled into a major depression, as I thought my career was over and that I would never again be able to participate in meetings. I was eating only about 1 day a week, and that was usually a milkshake. I was sleeping from approximately 9pm-3am every night for months and waking up in fear of what might happen at work and how I would look if I got another attack.
Eventually I reached out to my EAP through my company and the healing started. My depression has been under control via therapy and meds ever since. It's 10 years later now and I have been able to keep my job and even move up in the company.
My depression is under control but I still deal with extremely frustrating and irrational attacks at certain points when I have to speak. And I don't mean big presentations in front of large groups. My worst attacks come from having to introduce myself - even in small informal groups of 3 or 4 people. As the introductions get closer to me, I imagine what I am going to say, and I spiral very quickly into a full-out attack of racing heart, inability to speak, thoughts of being embarrassed by all this, etc etc. As I said, this is not a big presentation, this is me trying to say "I'm Tom, and I'm in marketing." That's all I have to say. Yet I let my mind race into thoughts of not being able to blurt that out.
It is extremely frustrating and completely irrational. That said, it always happens, and I have no control over it. Has anyone had completely irrational attacks like this? My attacks have never been random, they have never been in social situations - they have never, ever been on a weekend - they are always at work, when I have to introduce myself or give a short report out on a topic that I 100% am familiar with and confident in. Is there a name for this condition? Is there a certain type of therapy I need? How do I stop my mind from treating a simple introduction as if I am being chased by a tiger? Thank you so much.
Eventually I reached out to my EAP through my company and the healing started. My depression has been under control via therapy and meds ever since. It's 10 years later now and I have been able to keep my job and even move up in the company.
My depression is under control but I still deal with extremely frustrating and irrational attacks at certain points when I have to speak. And I don't mean big presentations in front of large groups. My worst attacks come from having to introduce myself - even in small informal groups of 3 or 4 people. As the introductions get closer to me, I imagine what I am going to say, and I spiral very quickly into a full-out attack of racing heart, inability to speak, thoughts of being embarrassed by all this, etc etc. As I said, this is not a big presentation, this is me trying to say "I'm Tom, and I'm in marketing." That's all I have to say. Yet I let my mind race into thoughts of not being able to blurt that out.
It is extremely frustrating and completely irrational. That said, it always happens, and I have no control over it. Has anyone had completely irrational attacks like this? My attacks have never been random, they have never been in social situations - they have never, ever been on a weekend - they are always at work, when I have to introduce myself or give a short report out on a topic that I 100% am familiar with and confident in. Is there a name for this condition? Is there a certain type of therapy I need? How do I stop my mind from treating a simple introduction as if I am being chased by a tiger? Thank you so much.