Hi Everyone

[Snelly]

Hello everyone. Im no stranger to forums, being an active staff member on another massive unrelated forum... im also no stranger to anxiety, panic attacks and depression.

It may or may not suprise some of you to learn of my occupation, a rather high stress one that I actually enjoy and have battled against my anxiety to enable me to carry on doing it. In fact, suffering with panic anxiety has helped me gain "inside knowledge" into what can a be a scary and debilitating illness. Im a Paramedic...

My panic/anxiety started in 1999 when my wife and I had a stillborn baby. Since then I have had numerous counselling sessions, tried many drugs (non of which worked, some actually made me worst), i've considered suicide, i've found God, i've lost God, i've found him again... lol I've done online CBT, attended a psychologist for two years and had numerous bad spots which result in me feeling like im going mad and saying things like "why can't I be normal like everyone else". I've had full blown panic attacks, hyperventilation, pins and needles, chest pain, neck pain, sleepless nights, relationship problems, anger problems, stomach upsets, headaches, migraines.... So to sum up.... I've got a fair bit of experience!

[richick]

Just want to offer you a compliment, not only because you deserve it, but because positive reinforcement is a very rewarding tool. You perform a service that most people lack the emotional strength to provide. You possess a very special gift; the ability to aid people in various (sometimes heart-wrenching, sometimes gruesome) conditions. You save lives. You are an amazingly strong, caring, unselfish human being and caregiver. Thank you so much for sharing your gift, and for enjoying it.

Do you realize that I actually (get this..........)RUN AWAY from the same situations you run to. For whatever reason, I (and most people) panic (that ugly word again) when faced with traumatic situations. I honestly ran out the door screaming once when my daughter was choking. I hate myself for it, but that was the way I reacted. (She is fine now) I also can't even "look" when one of my children is bleeding. When my daughter wandered off at the beach and I couldn't find her, I literally stood there frozen, unable to even seek help, let alone find her myself.
I wish I had half the strength and courage you have.

You are greatly admired.

[Snelly]

Richick thank you for your kind words.

I just wanted people to know that even people who seem "hard" emotionally, are only human and do suffer with the same hang ups as anyone else. Im not super-human, I just do the job im trained to do. Behind that is the anxiety, but I try not to let it get a grip on me. When it does, I take time out until i've built myself up again.

I know some of you may be religious and some not, but my faith also plays a big part.

[richick]

Not sure if it is fact or not, but it appears as though "caring" people, seem to harbor the most anxiety. Is it because we are naturally more "sensitive" to our surroundings. Our thoughts/feelings/actions seem to be more heightened
than other people. I kind of wish I didn't give a crap about anything!

By the way, I am very sorry about your baby. I hope your strong belief in God has helped you through that ordeal. Someday we will all understand why we had to undergo some of life's struggles and heartache. Although loss and tragedy is painful, we must trust that there is a reason for it.

Also curious to know if, in your job, you ever encountered a situation that made you "panic", even just a little. I find it fascinating that there are people that can handle those situations with ease. I guess we all have our talents...
(That is certainly not one of mine!)

[Snelly]

In answer to your question, just last night got info through on way to job that 1 year old was fitting... had a mini panic going on! Luckily baby was ok, just feverish. You can't do my job without getting butterflies...