Just Jane
09-09-2013, 03:30 AM
Hi everyone, I'm new here and this is my first post. I could have posted this in the introductions but felt I might get more help here instead.
I've had anxiety attacks on and off since I was 8 years old when I was sick in a shopping centre and my mum panicked and made me feel really bad about it. I thought I was over it until my 17 birthday, 8 years ago and had a panic attack again and became depressed and lost a lot of weight.
I met my other half a year later and we moved in together and a year later I had another bad attack in London which has left me with agoraphobia ever since. In 2011, after moving again I was improving and getting the bus to places a few miles from where I live. Then I tried to commit suicide later that year which led me having counselling for the next year and a half. I improved, got myself a local voluntary job which I really enjoyed and left counseling a few months back, I even had a job interview for a paid job but didn't get it. A month later I had a major panic attack when I took my first trip to London for a long time, this was on a train and have since struggled to come to terms with this. Everyone says that I achieved great things by doing this but I feel like I failed because I couldn't cope with it. Since then my anxiety has been getting worse. I tried to go back to see my counselor but couldn't sit through the session as I had a panic attack there too.
I now can't walk very far and rely heavily on my bike as a means of escape or to travel a bit further. I can't go in the car either for fear it will break down and I will be stuck. I've had to quit my job too as I wasn't showing up for work. I've lost a lot of weight because I've lost my appetite too.
My other half finds what I am going through very hard, he has depression and we find that this is straining our relationship. He wants to finish renovating our house, but I don't want workmen in the house as the last time one came a few months back I had a major panic attack.
I feel at a dead end. I've lost my job, my freedom and my other half doesn't want to spend anytime with me anymore. I've tried really hard to overcome this and it keeps winning and I don't know what other route to take. I tried medication back in 2011 and it made me feel really dead, didn't eat for 2 days and was vomiting a lot the last time I took them.
Is there another way I could try to rid this once and for all? I'm trying to do exercise everyday which is helping me feel happier. But I still find it really hard to walk further than my local shops and still get anxious even at home.
I've had anxiety attacks on and off since I was 8 years old when I was sick in a shopping centre and my mum panicked and made me feel really bad about it. I thought I was over it until my 17 birthday, 8 years ago and had a panic attack again and became depressed and lost a lot of weight.
I met my other half a year later and we moved in together and a year later I had another bad attack in London which has left me with agoraphobia ever since. In 2011, after moving again I was improving and getting the bus to places a few miles from where I live. Then I tried to commit suicide later that year which led me having counselling for the next year and a half. I improved, got myself a local voluntary job which I really enjoyed and left counseling a few months back, I even had a job interview for a paid job but didn't get it. A month later I had a major panic attack when I took my first trip to London for a long time, this was on a train and have since struggled to come to terms with this. Everyone says that I achieved great things by doing this but I feel like I failed because I couldn't cope with it. Since then my anxiety has been getting worse. I tried to go back to see my counselor but couldn't sit through the session as I had a panic attack there too.
I now can't walk very far and rely heavily on my bike as a means of escape or to travel a bit further. I can't go in the car either for fear it will break down and I will be stuck. I've had to quit my job too as I wasn't showing up for work. I've lost a lot of weight because I've lost my appetite too.
My other half finds what I am going through very hard, he has depression and we find that this is straining our relationship. He wants to finish renovating our house, but I don't want workmen in the house as the last time one came a few months back I had a major panic attack.
I feel at a dead end. I've lost my job, my freedom and my other half doesn't want to spend anytime with me anymore. I've tried really hard to overcome this and it keeps winning and I don't know what other route to take. I tried medication back in 2011 and it made me feel really dead, didn't eat for 2 days and was vomiting a lot the last time I took them.
Is there another way I could try to rid this once and for all? I'm trying to do exercise everyday which is helping me feel happier. But I still find it really hard to walk further than my local shops and still get anxious even at home.