Want a Girlfriend, yet too scared.

[KieranA001]

Hey, for ages I've wanted a gf but even when someone asks me out I kinda turn them down because I don't want anything bad to happen. I don't know, I just feel like something really bad will happen. Especially if you meet them on an online dating site and they say they want to meet up with you.

I mean, I signed up just to see who would be interested and to go out with them to see how they are, and to build on my conversations but now I just feel awkward all the time. :/ Help?

Thank you. :-)

[alankay]

I went through the same. At some point I took a leap of faith. Life is just not about always being safe or never having to be hurt or hurting another romantically. My advise, take it slow and be open. You'll see others have this same feeling but they just don't take it quite as far. We ALL have that concern but yet at the same time it's a real life need(to be with a woman) and desire for all of us. But it comes, like anything with risks. You are likely more robust that you think. Also more often than not the worst case scenario doesn't happen anyway. This may be causing some stress/anxiety in and of itself. The unresolved conflict so to speak. Start slow and easy. Go ahead and have informal dates(walks in parks, bike rides, etc) and go from there. Remember, it's your job to approach and show some interest in gals. This is a part of life you need to take part in to be happy and healthy IMHO.
We all can feel awkward at first. The ice will melt. :) Alankay

[jessed03]

Hey Kieran,

When was the last time you had a Gf?

To touch and be touched affectionately are vital pieces of the puzzle that make up human fulfilment and self esteem. It sounds like you need to overcome one or two barriers to free yourself up a little, in order to make this happen. As we know, nervousness and submissiveness really get in the way of attraction.

First thing you gotta do; and you may already have done it, is find out what the obstacle here is, that's preventing you from fulfilling a natural human desire. Usually, it's rare to see anything other than these 3 causes in young physically healthy males.

1. Low self esteem
2. Social/ regular anxiety
3 Rustiness/ bad habits and logistics due to circumstance or social isolation.

From the way you posted your message, it sounds mostly no.2 with a bit of no.1.

Go take two online tests for social anxiety/ low self esteem, see which ones are really at the heart of the problem. It's almost impossible to know just by judging, as we become used to behavious, or they remain hidden, so we rarely see them for what they are.

We'll be able to help you some more with whatever direction the online tests point towards. :)

[cserpico]

a few drinks does wonders for that artificial confidence you need. just make sure you dont drink so much that you sound foolish, and also, with some men drinking to much can cause their uhh...plumbing not to work, so be careful with that. nothing worse than things going better than expected and then its like trying to push an oyster through a coin slot. if you do hit it off with some chick just tell her about your condition, you would be surprised how understand a lot of women can be if you are just upfront with them, and if they are cool about it you may even feel a lot more at ease around them knowing that she knows and you dont have to pretend to be "normal" all the time.
good luck sir