Feelings from the last couple of days

[JustAnotherAttack]

I want to start off by saying that yesterday was a good day for me. I woke up feeling like I had plenty of sleep (first time in a long time) and I spent the day taking care of some business that I needed to handle.
Wednesday and Thursday my husband was off work (those are his normal days off) and we spent time together...it was nice. :)
I think that I had one minor panic attack while he was off. I usually am panic free when hes home or only slightly bothered by physical symptoms.

Last night I noticed that my gums were bleeding while I was in bed watching a movie. This is common for me...even though I practice good oral hygiene this still happens.
I got up, rinsed with water, brushed, and rinsed with mouth wash. This morning I woke up and there was blood on my pillow and on my mouth. Guess I had drooled, lol!
Anyway thats never happened to me and I already know my gums are in bad shape, but it was annoying. I didn't feel panicky and I even googled some stuff...which some of you know how alarming google can be.
It didn't bother me. :) Anyway...while I was looking at Pinterest I noticed that I was seeing dots on my screen. This sort of caused a little bit of anxiety, but nothing significant.

I feel like often times I'm browsing this website and I see people posting things about their health concerns and they are convinced that they are dying. I've totally been there and sometimes I still visit those thoughts. In fact I did last night. I felt that strange lightness in the back of my head again and felt like the doctor could have missed something.

Its so silly what we put our minds through. Sometimes its possible for our minds to cause these physical symptoms. I heard a story about a lady who wanted to be pregnant so badly that she ended up believing she was and even started developing symptoms of pregnancy even though she wasn't pregnant. Maybe its possible that we are causing some of the symptoms ourselves. I like to keep that in mind because I use it as a calming technique.

I say to myself that I'm the reason why the symptoms keep occuring. My mind is playing tricks on me and my body is normal and is working properly.

Just my thoughts from the last few days. I usually don't post when my husbands off work, so I have some new post reading to do! :)

[tailspin]

I want to start off by saying that yesterday was a good day for me. I woke up feeling like I had plenty of sleep (first time in a long time) and I spent the day taking care of some business that I needed to handle.
Wednesday and Thursday my husband was off work (those are his normal days off) and we spent time together...it was nice. :)
I think that I had one minor panic attack while he was off. I usually am panic free when hes home or only slightly bothered by physical symptoms.

Last night I noticed that my gums were bleeding while I was in bed watching a movie. This is common for me...even though I practice good oral hygiene this still happens.
I got up, rinsed with water, brushed, and rinsed with mouth wash. This morning I woke up and there was blood on my pillow and on my mouth. Guess I had drooled, lol!
Anyway thats never happened to me and I already know my gums are in bad shape, but it was annoying. I didn't feel panicky and I even googled some stuff...which some of you know how alarming google can be.
It didn't bother me. :) Anyway...while I was looking at Pinterest I noticed that I was seeing dots on my screen. This sort of caused a little bit of anxiety, but nothing significant.

I feel like often times I'm browsing this website and I see people posting things about their health concerns and they are convinced that they are dying. I've totally been there and sometimes I still visit those thoughts. In fact I did last night. I felt that strange lightness in the back of my head again and felt like the doctor could have missed something.

Its so silly what we put our minds through. Sometimes its possible for our minds to cause these physical symptoms. I heard a story about a lady who wanted to be pregnant so badly that she ended up believing she was and even started developing symptoms of pregnancy even though she wasn't pregnant. Maybe its possible that we are causing some of the symptoms ourselves. I like to keep that in mind because I use it as a calming technique.

I say to myself that I'm the reason why the symptoms keep occuring. My mind is playing tricks on me and my body is normal and is working properly.

Just my thoughts from the last few days. I usually don't post when my husbands off work, so I have some new post reading to do! :)

Really glad you had a good few days. That's great! I totally agree that we often create the symptoms we are afraid of and also that our minds play tricks on us. With me though I also feel as though my body plays tricks on me too because the physical symptoms are often so severe. So I end up kind of living in fear of my mind and my body because I never know when the next trick is going to be played and sometimes I feel like a ticking time bomb!!!!

The mind is soooooooo powerful! I keep trying to tell myself there has to be a way to turn things around!! So that I start using my mind to positive effect too!

Really hope your good days continue!

[Lin]

Totally agree that our minds can make up physical symptoms. I think it is often because the mind thinks other people will accept physical symptoms better than mental symptoms. I used to always want to fall down the stairs when I started with depression because i used to think people would be sympathetic and help me, whereas when it is mental symptoms people just say stupid things like "pull yourself together" - as if you wouldn't get rid of the depression and anxiety if you could as quickly as possible!!! I hate the fact that when you have a mental illness people start to think you have lost your brains and gone stupid. There is such a stigma still about mental health.

[tailspin]

Totally agree that our minds can make up physical symptoms. I think it is often because the mind thinks other people will accept physical symptoms better than mental symptoms. I used to always want to fall down the stairs when I started with depression because i used to think people would be sympathetic and help me, whereas when it is mental symptoms people just say stupid things like "pull yourself together" - as if you wouldn't get rid of the depression and anxiety if you could as quickly as possible!!! I hate the fact that when you have a mental illness people start to think you have lost your brains and gone stupid. There is such a stigma still about mental health.


Well said, Lin. I completely agree with you about the stigma of mental illness. I find there is even stigma amongst the medical community and many doctors can be dismissive of actual physical concerns once they see in your file that you suffer from an Anxiety Disorder or from Depression.

And definitely, amongst the general community, people are far more likely to understand and be sympathetic if you say you can't leave the house because you broke your ankle than if you say you can't leave the house because depression is forcing you to stay in bed. I'm sure you're right that our brain has long since figured that out and that could well be why we feel physical symptoms when we're emotionally distressed.

[JustAnotherAttack]

Well said to the both of you.
I wish that people understood the symptoms of not only the physical side, but the emotional side as well.

My husband doesn't understand either of those. Some days I feel absolutely shitty and some days I feel just fine. When I do happen to have a panic attack with him there he sees no physical changes and so therefore he doesn't believe that panic attacks are real. He believes in stress, but he doesn't believe in panic disorders. He feels that everyone can and should be able to control anxiety and depression. He was diagnosed with depression at an early age and he "beat it" and so therefore I should be able to do the same thing. It gets to the point where I don't even want to talk to him about the way that I feel because I think that he believes I'm doing it for attention. I'm truthfully not...if I was then I'd mention having panic attacks even when I wasn't.

I feel like something major has to happen for him to finally believe me, but I cannot think of anything major that will happen as a result of my anxiety that would cause him to suddenly believe that I have a problem.
I think that my best bet is getting on medication and letting him see the "before and after" so to speak. Maybe then he will believe what I've been saying all along.

Don't get me wrong...its not like he isn't supportive, but I just already know how he feels and how he doesn't exactly believe in mental disorders as much as I do. I cannot expect anyone to unless they experience them, so I'm not mad.
Its just scary knowing that I have all of these thoughts in my head and I cannot tell anyone but you guys or my mother because you guys are the ones who live it an understand it.
I think I told my husband once that I wished he could experience a panic attack and then I immediately felt like shit after I said it. Nobody should have to experience this just to know what someone else goes through.

I just feel myself getting weaker and weaker as I realize the methods of dealing with this aren't working. I'm getting desperate in my search of things that work, but its looking like medication is something that I might eventually have to be on. I dread that because I hate feeling like I depend on something that will make me feel stable emotionally. I feel that I should be able to do that myself.

[tailspin]

Hi Jessica, I'm sorry your hubby doesn't "get" mental disorders. On the one hand, good for him for beating depression on his own, but on the other hand, it must be really frustrating when he thinks you should be able to do the same. My husband has mental illness in his family. One of his brothers has schizophrenia. It came on suddenly when he (my brother in law) was 17 years old (this is many years ago now, my brother in law is now 50, he still has schizophrenia and he lives in a board and care facility, but his medication manages his symptoms pretty well). At any rate, that forced my husband's family to go on a sharp learning curve as regards mental illness. Also my husband went through some very bad depression of his own and he did take anti-depressants for a while and had therapy for years. But his depression was situational and was the direct result of a very stressful situation in his life. Once that situation was resolved my husband started doing a lot better and no longer takes medication or has therapy. So my hubby is definitely very understanding about mental illness, but I can see that he sort of draws a blank when it comes to anxiety disorders. He is very supportive of me, but, as you say, because he has never experienced crippling anxiety and/or panic attacks himself, he is not really able to understand what it's like to live with them.

I can definitely relate to not wanting to rely on medication. I tried for a really long time (many years) not to take medication and I tried everything I could think of to manage things myself. But things finally got to a point where I just couldn't stand the constant emotional and mental and physical hell I was living in. The irony is that even though I've been on medication for a long time now, I STILL struggle and go through really bad periods of anxiety (though I am definitely better overall than I was without meds because the bad times aren't constant anymore)

Do you think you might be able to give meds a try? I believe you said elsewhere that you've been on medication before and it did help?

[JustAnotherAttack]

Hi Jessica, I'm sorry your hubby doesn't "get" mental disorders. On the one hand, good for him for beating depression on his own, but on the other hand, it must be really frustrating when he thinks you should be able to do the same. My husband has mental illness in his family. One of his brothers has schizophrenia. It came on suddenly when he (my brother in law) was 17 years old (this is many years ago now, my brother in law is now 50, he still has schizophrenia and he lives in a board and care facility, but his medication manages his symptoms pretty well). At any rate, that forced my husband's family to go on a sharp learning curve as regards mental illness. Also my husband went through some very bad depression of his own and he did take anti-depressants for a while and had therapy for years. But his depression was situational and was the direct result of a very stressful situation in his life. Once that situation was resolved my husband started doing a lot better and no longer takes medication or has therapy. So my hubby is definitely very understanding about mental illness, but I can see that he sort of draws a blank when it comes to anxiety disorders. He is very supportive of me, but, as you say, because he has never experienced crippling anxiety and/or panic attacks himself, he is not really able to understand what it's like to live with them.

I can definitely relate to not wanting to rely on medication. I tried for a really long time (many years) not to take medication and I tried everything I could think of to manage things myself. But things finally got to a point where I just couldn't stand the constant emotional and mental and physical hell I was living in. The irony is that even though I've been on medication for a long time now, I STILL struggle and go through really bad periods of anxiety (though I am definitely better overall than I was without meds because the bad times aren't constant anymore)

Do you think you might be able to give meds a try? I believe you said elsewhere that you've been on medication before and it did help?

Thank you for that...Its good to hear that someone can relate. I've been trying to get my husband to believe what I tell him about panic attacks, but he doesn't get it because hes not went through it. Hopefully one day he will understand. I cross my fingers for that to happen. :)

As far as medication...it did work for me, but I was taking it for depression and hadn't developed an anxiety disorder yet. I took xanax xr and it worked wonders on my depression. I also tried celexa and cymbalta and those two seemed to do okay as well. My most recent try was Wellbutrin and I hated it. It actually caused my panic attacks to become more frequent and last longer. I did some research on it and decided to stop taking it because people were having the same effect from that medication.

I really want to try medication again because I get so tired of feeling like this. Its taking a huge toll on me and I cannot keep feeling this way. The only problem is that I am not on insurance right now, so I have no way to afford to go to the doctor at the moment. I'm a student and my husband is the one who works. Insurance is too much for us to afford until I start working too. My problem is that I feel like I wouldn't be able to work right now because of the daily anxiety that I experience. I tried working full time at a preschool (I love kids, so it wasn't the stress that got me) and I was having bad panic attacks there. I hated it. It didnt effect my work, but I was so panicked most of the day that by the time I got home I just wanted to sleep forever. So I'm going to finish my degree (its in Psychology, go figure, lol) and then I'm going to start working so I can make more money and get on insurance.

Thats why I'm so big on self help...because I cannot afford to pay for a doctors visit plus medications.

[tailspin]

That's awesome you are studying psychology! So are you thinking you might become a therapist? I think the best therapists are often people who have gone through some severe mental health issues of their own. Or at least, I find that I connect with them better if I get the sense that they really understand what I'm talking about. At any rate, I think it's very cool you're studying psychology!

It's good to know that you did well on Xanax XR previously, and that Cymbalta and Celexa helped too. I really hope you're able to get back on something before too much longer. And/or, I really hope that things start to improve!

[Dan Medz]

People who have never had panic attacks just won't ever truly understand them I'm afraid. I wake up into panic attacks and bang it's all happening so I know it can just come over you if you are inducing it or not. Some people have eliminated them but I can never seem to stop them. The best I can do is get through them in the best way possible when they happen and know they will pass. Until the next one anyway.. The best of luck with the meds.