The negative people

[Jeordie]

I don't think social anxiety would even exists without the existence of negative people.

I wonder why there are periods of time in which we meet just that kind of person. The positive people are good to be around. You feel good around them, they make you feel attractive, fine, gentle, talented, and generally nice. You are keen to feel the same things for them, and life is good. Negative peole, instead, make you feel like crap. For some reason they want to prove you are unattractive and a complete idiot, with their pervasive pattern of continuous criticism nobody asked for. It really is their hobby, to make others feel like shit.

Ok, why does this happen. I end up meeting either the first or second category of people in cycles of months. I'm sure I attract either kind with my mood and disposition. When I'm gloomy the gloomy arrives and makes me feel gloomier. And I regularly talk to him and give him way too much attention, which I do because I'm a kind individual who wants everybody to feel good.

It always gets me a great amount of strength and determination to ERASE all the negative people I collected during those bad months and start over. I didn't find another way. Until I don't just delete them off, the sun won't shine. They have some sort of energy maybe.

The negative people are definitely unsatisfied and insecure themselves, but why, why do they have to break others' balls, especially when they see a gentle and pure heart. I don't get that. Like you are the reason why their life is bad, they become your ENEMY not having the balls to declare war. They really are pieces of shit, let's be honest. Poor guys.

I wish I could be open to ANYBODY. Truth is I feel the need to protect myself from the negative people, and when I spot one, avoid him or her. I wish I could hug them and make them smile and shut up.

Maybe there isn't really a question in this post, rather a raccommendation for all those with social anxiety: negative people are morons sucking the life out of you, don't believe in anything they say, just trust yourself and compliments that are genuine and delete them from your list of contacts. Don't give them any comfort or space in your life, they don't deserve it. Embrace positive people instead, and your life will be completely different. Do it for yourself, this is the wise thing.

[Robbed]

There is another factor that complicates this even further. Let's face it. Most of us would REALLY like to walk around with 'flowers in our hair' and be all 'peace and love'. But it is distrust of others that doesn't allow us to. And it is this distrust of others that can turn a completely positive person into a VERY negative one. In other words, you might perceive someone as negative who should be positive simply because that person's negative expectations of you are getting the better of them. They somehow see YOU as a threat. And this derails an encounter which should have been VERY enjoyable for the both of you.

[Jeordie]

Distrust comes because of ripetitive negative experience, though.
One should go out with zero expectation and no psychological weight. Free.

I feel good when I do that. What makes recovery harder is the evident proof of people made that way. Arrogant. Today I was walking on the sidewalk and a rural girl acting urban passed by. She didn't give me enough room to both pass comfortably through a strict passage, convinced I was going to move. I did my part but she didn't, therefore I hit her with my shoulder. I made some room for her, but she didn't move a centimeter, so by both passing through the strict gap, my shoulder hit hers. Hard. This happens way too often to me, and by the rule I've been educated to respect, in a situation like this both parts should move in order to both pass, or one of them should express he's so kind to make the other pass first, which I'm usually very keen to do whenever I see a nice lady. In this case, there was enough room for both to pass by, so it wasn't the case to humble myself - and by her body language and wear, she was just another vainglorious unpolished idiot, and not what I call a nice lady.

I'm much taller and have larger shoulders than her so she's the one who got hurt - but what can I say, it's her problem if she thinks I should move just because I'm on her way. That's plain arrogance. Isn't it? Why did she think I had to move, because she thought I was less relevant, I have no idea. Is mine arrogance to? I'm just stating: I have the same right to pass she has. If she doesn't give it to me, I go get it myself. Arrogance is when you want to get OVER others. That's never been my desire, especially in this town of fishermen. I just want my rights respected. I think I have no other choice to survive here. If somebody knows a better trick, please do tell me.

Consider I'm in Sicily, THE land of mafia and arrogance. It's damn hard to live here if you are not mafioso!!!!! Respect is not even a word here. The worst people are those who succeed socially - being good looking, having an interesting personality, and talent, unfortunately doesn't help much. See what I mean by "negative people"? They don't even want to see the qualities people have. I'm telling you it's hell for a person who believes in beauty and things nicely done. Hell. For somebody as individualistic as me, for artists, intellectuals and narcissists, who can well survive in a big city, even worse.

Ps: guys respect me more than girls here. Funny but true, must be their specific mindset that doesn't go along with mine, they want men to be complete losers they can command. I'm bisexual anyway, so they can honestly go command another's fuck. And by the way, they're so damn ugly. Fuck off my way, sicilian girls. And arrogant people who've never accomplished a thing generally.

[bluey]

oh god your speaking to me .. i can soooo relate!!!

i met a friend for the first time in years.. i think i will post the story another time cause its a little long but well worthy of a read!!

Anyway i came thru alot of social phobic and anxiety barriers to getto this person to meet and be friend,..

only to be told that i was nervous- looked like i had a mental illness and told i lacked social skills big time..

and in detail.. about my voice expression, eye contact, a laugh that has to go,

this friend thought he waa helping me out by being overly critical.. and got frustrated that i was upset over things .. i was like everyone with socila phobia to him dubbed ' selfish'..

i was ignored frustrated at and angered to because i just wouldnt/couldnt let loose around this guy.. he tried to help me by gicing me 'tasks' like going into a store and asking something..

he had no understanding that social phobia anxiety is a highly self concious fear of tohers judgements..

i was able to be comfortable around others but around him..

i felt unnaccepted because i had to change.. to be accepted ..

were still friends tho i have learnt to be assertive and told him off basically.

[Jeordie]

Maybe that isn't a good company, Bluey. You should consider if it's making any good. Sometimes we get attached to people who really are the opposite of what we need, and we even start depending upon them, especially when we're so sensitive and dependant from criticism. You know yourself and that person and you should know, I can't tell you for sure.

This is a thread I've started a long while ago, and re-reading it, I see many mindset mistakes I was doing.

Being assertive does help but to a limited extent. It is helpful to get out from some specific situation but in the long run, it even makes things more complicated.

When "threatened" by criticism or somebody distrusting us and not giving us faith, we could be assertive and just say "no, this isn't true". But we really should train ourselves not to even care about this criticism. And just KNOW deep within ourselves that we are good no matter what others say. I think that's different from assertiveness. It's real security, which is the long therm solution to social insecurity. And anger, too...we just cease making that fire bigger and bigger. We estinguish it.

Of course, easier said than done. That's why Is aid we should "train" ourselves to do so. And congratulate for any small improvements, any single brick to our self-made security wall.

There is no way to happiness, happiness is the way...

[bluey]

Yes i ve find my faulty thinking - well it hurt so much that i got hurt and thru anxiety and deppression, heartbreak i hurt back but i have basically destroyed a friendship i valued more than anything in my life.

Insecurity makes us so sensitive and like a magnet to critical judgement - my friend was only helping me because he wantedthe best and saw me asa potential partner if only i was stable.. but not liking myself and thinking i was all faulty and not love at forst site kind of thing .. i got hurt from it.

And i hurt back by writing on the net and councilours who assumed the worst because of my anxiety disorder - i was horrible in emails - i became two faced and be horrible about past thing i didnt like that were said .. like an eagle..

Ive hurt my best friend so badly that it is damaged too much now and it really hurts that i hurt .. its a reflection.

i dont know what to to to make it up..

well i know a few things but it will take time- lots of time .. i feel inlove with this person.. and this person hada heart for me..

I learnt a big lesson about insecurity and i have to show trust and be focused on my goals and not let negativity in.

Our friendships area mirror to ourselves....

im so sad tho.

[Spot]

Some people go in for the kill now, especially since the 'cool way' of poop-culture is to laugh and humiliate others at their short comings or hot topics such as bullying...and in the current political debates - mud slinging - sometimes with such infantile playground tactics now being encouraged and accepted, I ask myself, "I'm the one seeing a doctor???" :shock:
There are those whose mission in life is to pull others down who they don't agree with or moreso, repress. That's how they feel better about themselves, when they feel they've controlled or evoked your response. But also keep in mind that most of the time it's just a test to measure your reaction. I think they refer to it as the game.
I also know some cultures where the thinking is "If my cow dies, I want my neighbor's cow to die too". Life can be a bitter pill at times.

I like the like-minded people here best. :)

[Babimay]

There are three people at work that stand out when thinking about emotionally draining negative people.

When I work with one or all of these co-workers they really raise my anxiety level and they seem to determine the outcome of a good or bad shift for me. My job is not in any way stressful unless I work with these three individuals. A brief history, one of the co-workers have worked for my employer for seven years and the other two co-workers for over twenty years. These individuals are all over fifty years of age. It is obvious that these people need a change of employment in order to regain happiness or quality. I often wonder if these people are aware of how their negativity affect the people around them. Everything and anything seems to set them off. The day is an endless cycle of listening to their complaints and judgement of other co-workers. In their eyes, they are the only ones who ever get anything right. They seem to think that without them, the work place would simply fall apart and their fellow co-workers are idiots. These three individuals have very strong personalities and they often cause conflict at work by saying what's on their mind regardless of how inappropriate or down right rude.

This lovely girl at work is clearly having problems outside of work and she is possibly depressed, stressed out or suffers from anxiety like myself. I have never talked to her or asked her if something was wrong and how I could help. From my own experience this could distress the poor girl more if she has anxiety. Along with already having issues she will become even more distressed wondering what gave her away or how many other people are aware she is dealing with something

These three difficult and negative individuals at work have greatly contributed to this poor girls problems with their behaviors and actions towards this girl. What I'm not understanding is how three people can dislike such a nice person. This girl is very intelligent but does not in any way come off as being a "know it all" which is what she has now been labelled because of these three people. With that said, I have witnessed this girl lash out a few times but never with no good reason. I think some times she reads what people say or do the wrong way which is clearly because she is tired of being kicked while already down. In many ways this girl reminds me of myself and I can see that when frustrated she tends to take it out on the wrong people. Weaker people, iinstead of confronting the people causing her great stress. It's sad to watch really.

I'm not sure if these people make me anxious because of there negativity or if it's because they remind me of myself at times. Perhaps I fear becoming them in the future. Perhaps I fear life will create a negative, ignorant old coon out of me. Often I feel helpless dealing with these negative people at work. I know someone should be doing something about their negativity as its effecting so many peoples lives at and outside of work. From what I here at work the Head Honchos who city in big offices off site in the city are fully aware of the impact these people are having on new staff and aware that they have created many rifts or forced many staff members to resign do to the constant negativity.

My question is how does one with anxiety fix this problem?

It's far too often in my various employments that I watch this happen to good people and even myself. It's simply not fair. Perhaps these people have their own issues and being around like minded people with weaker personalities creates in a sense a "Fight or Flight" reaction fearing the reality that they suffer from the same personality or mental illness. Anyone have any solutions or methods of dealing with these people that actually worked in the past or present?

[danstelter]

Yes, I agree that negative people can really make life a drag. What they are trying to do is to make themselves feel better by lowering the self-esteem of others. If you are brave enough, you can give them a chance and try to show them how their negativity is harming their own life and the lives of others. However, ultimately you cannot change another person and "make" them think, act, or feel a certain way. Simply avoid the person and don't make him or her a part of your life, and do be aware that lots of negative people are all over the place. It is not uncommon to work at an organization composed of almost entirely negative people.