Negative Self Talk

[LittleBit]

I wish I could stop beating myself down. I swear I am my own worst enemy and biggest obstacle of getting out of this funk. My self-talk is just awful. Thinking I must be some kind of horrible person to have all this crap happening to me. Any tips would be appreciated.

[DodgingRain]

So what's going on that's horrible?

[LittleBit]

So what's going on that's horrible?

Boyfriend of 2 years comes home 2 weeks ago with the news that he "just doesn't want to be with me anymore". I don't handle that well...any way, so rather that stay out in the town he's in I went and found an apartment in a different town and moved all my shit within 2 weeks. During those 2 weeks he stayed across the street with his buddy, hanging in the driveway and being a general pain in the ass. So..stressfull move, worried about being able to stay afloat financially now that I am alone. On top of the my ex-husband is trying to take me to court for money, which I don't have. And I am utterly alone. Or so it feels like. Being alone is bad for me cuz all I do is think about how wrotten things are.

[LittleBit]

I am taking everything personally. Like I must be a very sucky individual

[Sockpuppet]

I totally understand the negative self talk, it's so very hard to take when you are your own worst enemy. Sorry to hear about your situation, sounds like your ex is one nasty dude. I am so super sensitive that I internalise everything and constantly beat myself up, it's so exhausting. PM if you feel like a chat x

[Lin]

Negative self talk is horrible and learning to stop it is hard.
I have been trying to learn Acceptance Commitment Theory where you have a thought, acknowledge it, say thank you to it and then let it go. It is different to CBT because you don't change the thought you just accept it. The Happiness Trapp by Russ Harris is a really good book and teaches it to you really slowly so it helps if finding it difficult to concentrate.
I have also had one session of hypnotherapy this week to stop the thoughts. I was amazed that she got through to my head but she did and I have a CD each time personalised to me and my problems to practise every day. Expensive because not on NHS at my doctors, but pleased with first session and practise CD.
Worth trying anything to get some peace from this exploding head!!!

[LittleBit]

Thanks Lin! I am a huge reader so I think I will track down that book. I read anything that helps- not the fluffy stuff. I will also look up the Acceptance Commitment Theory, never heard of it. Willing to try anything that helps. My therapist says this all comes from childhood (of course), and I keep replaying circumstances that recreate these feelings (particularly with men- my picker is broke). Now, just focusing on myself. I am reading a really good book called The Wisdom to Know the Difference by Eileen Flanagan. It's not a technical book, but it is full of great insight on when to make a change and when to let go. Helping me to get peace from my EXPLODING HEAD!LOL

[emilyfrances]

Just because bad stuff happens to you does not mean you're a bad person! And I'm sorry you have to go through this! :(

[LittleBit]

Thanks Emily! Just hearing an empathetic comment like that makes me feel a little bit better!

[emilyfrances]

You're welcome! And if you ever need to talk inbox me ok. :)

[vic]

If you go on YouTube and type in Louise hay ;) such an inspirational woman who has sold many books and teaches people positive affirmations it's very interesting. I'm trying this at the moment and it's helping I also suffer depression and anxiety too had anxiety 18 yrs but control it but the depression I've only ad once which was very very mild compared to the one I have at the min. It is hard at times but the more we think about it the big it becomes.

[Hannah_28]

This is like me I've come to the conclusion that people are awful and it would be better if I was gone things aren't going to change people aren't suddenly going to be nice I won't change I can't see any other way out.

[iwouldicould]

learn to let go and get yourself busy. there are more productive things you can get busy with and grow...
the only problem is when you stay on there... i wish you every best wishes.

[Ponder]

This is like me I've come to the conclusion that people are awful and it would be better if I was gone things aren't going to change people aren't suddenly going to be nice I won't change I can't see any other way out.

Hi Hannah. Take heart in that others are feeling the same way. I so understand what your saying here. I popped into this thread because I acknowledged the need to think positively from time to time. I will often make posts about the reality of life and sometimes that can be a real drag. I do note though, that I think its good to be real about what's going on around us, but at the same time, I need to be aware of how repetitive I go about focusing on things that make me sad. Life's tough and it seems more and more of us are falling victim to giving up hope. If anything ... I should start putting a good spin on the end of my little reality stories, so that I don't have to give up telling my reality stories, but I can do so with an ending that does leave me or others feeling like there is no way out ... because there is ... we got to let go (as iwouldicoud says)

Again ... I've made a few post about the reality of things and I've also found myself slipping back into the rut of depression again ...

I found having a Blog that focuses on positive posts helpful. Sometimes I will do a few reality check posts to keep myself honest, but the whole blog is meant to point towards something positive and or hopeful. Try to forget about other people, but do so without labeling them (that's key I find) ... Fact is, whilst we may find ourselves drawn to others from time to time, it's OK to be on the sidelines.

srry for rant ... When I'm down, I find the constant positive reinforcement of others tends to blind me ... however I know they mean well and I could actually do with a little bit of light in me life ... so again, we should aim not to box people and instead be thankful for those who are doing well enough to help others ... especially given the reality I so often paint from time to time. I like the idea of moving forward ... to keep our minds focused, but that not need be so draining ... but it does need to take place.

Again ... we need to let go after we have made whatever assessment and realize it when we are allowing ourselves to be dragged down weather by what's going on around us or many times by our own minds. I get bored easily after concentrating so much on one thing and move to another ... find something that keeps you distracted, but also something that makes you feel less loathing and more hopeful ...

That's why I popped in here ... figured it was a good Title and I myself could do with looking more in a positive direction. Just don't go joining any Glee Clubs ... LOL ... just kidding ... whatever works. ;)

[Hannah_28]

Hey I guess this is what I have been doing. I saw a picture of myself as a child and how innocent and carefree I was its lead to me trying to get back to that. I can't change what's happened to me but I can choose to not dwell on it, I think we could all take something from listening to the younger versions of ourselves. You can't change people but u can change yourself, and hopefully showing others that they won't get u down anymore. It's what I'm trying at the moment anyway :) it's working a little...

[Ponder]

That's awesome Hannah ... I need to hear it like that ... Today I felt a little weird sitting in the park with my new sketch pad and pencils. I did my best to try and draw the trees in front of me. The result is like a kids drawing, but I actually felt good about that ... the last time I ever really drew like that was like when I was 11 and the connection I made felt good. I was also pleased with myself that I was able to go to the park and sit down and actually draw. Thanks for your response, because it really hit on how I tried to keep positive today. I hope you do well in your apraoch as well. :)
-Dave.

[Hannah_28]

I plan on continuing with this approach for a while it's a constant battle but i feel like I might get sumwhere, this time last week was a different story so hey something must be happening. I'm glad u can see what I mean too it sounds like u did really well today. Keep trying Dave we'll get there :)