I feel like suicide everyday

[Supressed Guy]

Hello (I'm new here)

I've had depression for 5 years now (since I was 16 - I'm now 21). I stayed inside playing video games and had 0 friends. I'm starting University this month and I just know that with my face I won't make any friends, people will think I'm weird and I'll be alone all over again. I just know that I will leave university because of my depression/anxiety and live lonely life where I end up doing suicide. I think about suicide everyday. I want to end my suffering because I see everyone achieve around me and I'm stuck being lonely. I wish I could have a normal life and friends, make people happy. I'm depressed because of the way I look. If I could look like a normal person, with normal face then I wouldn't have any of the problems I do now. I feel cheated and envy those who have a happy life. I will never have a wife, have children and live a normal life because of my face. I go out and people stare at me, like I don't belong. I try to be strong but when you know that you are ugly how do you mitigate this? I was on anti depressants for 1 year and took an overdose which failed. I have been to a councilor but that didn't help at all. I have watched my face change and become even uglier because I frown and have no energy like I used to.

There is so much more to tell you but I am happy to have found this forum and be with people who are somewhat like me. Of course I do not expect any replies to this thread because you will look at my pictures and think 'Wow, he sure is ugly. I can seee what he is saying' - He doesn't have any hope. You know that is very true.

486

487

Thank you.

[Supressed Guy]

Never give up on treatment . Often it takes many goes to find the right people and what works .

Your depression sounds pretty bad and i think you need to find someone that can help you with a plan of action on getting out from it .

The way we see ourselves plays more into us than what others see us as .

You look like a normal person to me, a bit like my nephew i must say , bearing in mind that normal is only a cycle on the washing machine . We are all different and its what makes us us .

I feel it is impossible to escape my depression because it is now apart of me. It has corrupted me and twisted my thoughts and only in moments of clarity I realize this. I am in a haze all of the time and make clouded judgement. I sit here now and I am so active and stimulated that I tense my hands and squirm almost, like I received good news. Tomorrow I will wake up and regret this post and the actions I did the night before and feel very embarrassed. I must see photo of your nephew but you say I look like a child? I am 21. If you see me as your nephew - I must see resemblance for myself. This could help my self-perception immeasurably.

[nf1234]

I'm not sure I understand? If those are pictures of you that you posted than you look like a totally normal dude to me.

[sitemastercalifornia]

Hello (I'm new here)

I've had depression for 5 years now (since I was 16 - I'm now 21). I stayed inside playing video games and had 0 friends. I'm starting University this month and I just know that with my face I won't make any friends, people will think I'm weird and I'll be alone all over again. I just know that I will leave university because of my depression/anxiety and live lonely life where I end up doing suicide. I think about suicide everyday. I want to end my suffering because I see everyone achieve around me and I'm stuck being lonely. I wish I could have a normal life and friends, make people happy. I'm depressed because of the way I look. If I could look like a normal person, with normal face then I wouldn't have any of the problems I do now. I feel cheated and envy those who have a happy life. I will never have a wife, have children and live a normal life because of my face. I go out and people stare at me, like I don't belong. I try to be strong but when you know that you are ugly how do you mitigate this? I was on anti depressants for 1 year and took an overdose which failed. I have been to a councilor but that didn't help at all. I have watched my face change and become even uglier because I frown and have no energy like I used to.

There is so much more to tell you but I am happy to have found this forum and be with people who are somewhat like me. Of course I do not expect any replies to this thread because you will look at my pictures and think 'Wow, he sure is ugly. I can seee what he is saying' - He doesn't have any hope. You know that is very true.

486

487

Thank you.

Hey Supressed Guy, I know what you are going through, I too am lacking friends these days but you cant let that get you down. What kind of games do you play? Ever play some Counter Strike? Do you mess with computers too?

Oh the wife thing. Dude let me tell you, I am a big geek, a HUGE one and I have a really good looking wife. It's all about confidence man, once your meds start kicking in and you start talking to people you'll be fine. I actually met my wife on Myspace of all things, but you've got facebook now hehe. Have you tried sending some girls some friend requests? Not everyone will accept because some girls just dont add stranges but lets say you add 15 girls, out of those 5 talk to you. You have 5 people you can learn from on how to communicate with and gain experience with the females :D

If you got Skype or something you should hit me up dude or IRC.

[JustAnotherAttack]

You look like a normal person to me.
Usually when you feel weird you put out a different vibe than someone who is laid back.
People these days arent afraid to be themselves though...people these days try to be as different from everyone else as they can, so if you feel different just embrace it.
Find something you like about yourself and focus on it. Then you will slowly begin to see more things that you like about yourself.

I'm fat. I say fat, but my husband doesn't think so and not many other people do. I've got things about myself that I despise, but others find appealing. Not everyone is going to like everything about you, but if they don't then why should they matter?
They dont. People who judge people based on appearance are not worth being around...trust me. When I was in high school I was considered one of the popular people. I was unny, nice, and fun to be around. But my appearance isn't what made me that way truthfully. Your personality makes you attractive. People gravitate towards people who make them happy.

In all honesty...people who have hangups about themselves are truely my favorite people because they arent trying to act like they are above anyone else.

Flaws are normal.

[nf1234]

You should be excited about going to college! This is a chance for a fresh start! Honestly I think your a good looking good, no homo. I have seen some of the prettiest college girls dating some of the goofiest guys. You just need a confidence boost. It sounds like the depression has really brought down your confidence. As far as the video game are concerned...rock on! I am an avid gamer myself, Call Of Duty is my game of choice. I think the depression has you feeling so bad about yourself. If you got rid of the depression I think your life would greatly change. Please don't even think about suicide as an option. I promise you there are cures and a better life ahead. I have seen so many people recover from deep depressions. Maybe you should try seeing a new doctor. A psychiatrist would probably help a lot. Many people go through what you are going through. I have been trough some deep depressions in my life but things have gotten better. Its time for you to start a new life. Look up a local psychiatrist and make an appointment. Use this site as a place for information and support. We all have your back here! Please PM me if you want to talk anytime. But step 1 is to make that appointment and get you on the right track to feeling better!

I am very much into natural alternatives and they have helped me greatly. So if meds don't end up helping you then there is a plan b, the natural approach. Depression is not a life long thing. You just have to want to get better enough to take action and get the help you need. Suicide is not the option I promise you. God has a plan for your life and killing yourself isn't a part of it. Please let us all support and help you through this rough time.