Does anyone feel the same way I do?

[md1999]

Hi,

I just signed into this forum looking for anyone who may feel the same way I do. I have never been diagnosed with any type of anxiety or panic disorder. But, I think I might have one or both. So heres my story,

It all really sparked and got to become a huge problem for me month ago when I had a dreadful panic attack.. I just starting going back to school. I had been out of college for 5 years and was so excited to go back! When I starting taking my classes I starting thinking thoughts like, " Im too old for this." "I don't feel right" "All these young people and intelligent professors make me very nervous" and I didn't know why I had those thoughts. I knew they were ridiculous. What is strange is I KNEW that I should not feel that way? So why did I? I starting drifting off in class during lectures... and starting feeling very paranoid and out of place. Extremely uncomfortable and nervous around people. I had to leave class to go to the bathroom and take DEEP breaths. I just kept going and confronting my fears, telling myself, "Its just nerves, your just afraid you may fail again, your not used to being around so many people, your intimidated by everyone, you need to be strong."

So, I woke up one morning and was feeling completely fine and confident about myself. I convinced myself that I was going to be fine. I was getting ready for a class critique. I was so proud of my project and felt good and I took off for class. When I got to class I was fine even mingling with a few others. Then we took our projects put them up on the board for critique. Everyone talked about there project, the teacher, (who for some unknown reason intimidated me greatly, she was so smart and witty and beautiful) she was giving feed back. I starting feeling very very nervous. I was uncontrollably shaky and sweating. It was like this fear and anxiety took over me, It was a very strange feeling, I was telling myself rational thoughts like, "why are you doing this, there is nothing wrong here, you are fine, no one will judge you, we are all laughing and having a good time." Then I felt like I couldn't breath, my mouth went dry, I wanted to throw up, I got dizzy, a few girls were giving me strange looks, so in the middle of it all I BOLTED out to the restroom. Where I stayed for about 20 mins. I was so scared, I have had panic attacks only 2 other times in my life. This one was the worse one. It was embarrassing. I just felt so trapped in that classroom full of 30 people with no windows, Since it was a classroom setting with rules and a type of structure that would have been strange for me to leave I felt extremely trapped and scared. I don't know what I felt this way! I don't understand how I can control myself and make my self a normal person in situations like that!

Its been a month now. I quit my job in fear that It may happen at work, which it has but not nearly as extreme. Im falling into a deep depression. My fiance is not understanding me (we have been together for 6 years). and I don't know how to pay my bills next month because I am running out of money. People are telling me I need to get "over it" Its hard because I am acting outside of myself right now. I have always been a strong and smart woman who usually has her head on straight and keeps focus. But I fell apart. And I am afraid Im losing everything. I am nervous to go out of my home without someone. I am afraid of people. I don't want to communicate with anyone since I cant get anywhere with anyone. I am digging myself a huge hole. I know that this problem is outside of my hands... I just have to admit I cant control it anymore. I just need someone to give me some advice. I don't have money to get help, so... I don't know what to do at this moment in time. I want to get better but I just don't know how.

[col73]

Hi md1999

Damm how I can relate to what your saying and how you are feeling, I only found this site today 24/11/07 and Im happy to be talking to ppl who know what Im talking about and what im feeling.

[SheilaMay]

that really sux dear.. and as for your fiance not understanding right now it is exaclty what you need.. if the panic attacks or anxiety is stoping you from living (job, school, personal and social life) you need to go see a doctor.. beacause your right, this is somthing you cannot control.. infact
anxiety comes about in people that fear losing control, failing , being judged .. it is normal to feel that way. and the more you try and control the feelings that are coming over you the more the symtoms that come.
and the way it sounds.. your anxiety is building on itself, you got more to worry and stress about and your anxiety levels are gonna rise which is gonna make it harder to bouce back. your health is number one right now
and you may have to be put on anti depressents /anti anxiety medication.

For now .. i know "get over it" may sound easy but as you know its not.
so forget what those people tell you cause they have no way to grasp what you feel inside.
but when you do panic try to focus on somthing
i willl tell you now.. when your havin a panic remeber this
* YOU will NOT DIE*
* What you feel is NORmal.. and YOUR not ALONE at all*
*IT will Pass*

before you sleep try and breath.. properly
in threw your nose and out threw your mouth and count
put one hand on your cheast and one on your stomach
make sure its your stomach thats rising and falling not your cheast
..
if your out and panic sit down .,with your b ack straight and feet flat to the floor.. push your hands down on your knees untill its puttin pressure on your feet touchin the floor (its spoosed to make you feel more grounded)

BUt you do need to see somone.. i know money may b e tight but in the long run .. this is a must .. explain to your spouse whats happening and that you need some help before you can get better.. print off some info on it what you think you have.. tell what you need... thats all i can say
sorry if im not a help
but just know that your not alone...

[[Miffy]]

hello!
firstly i get where your comin from, mine came on really suddenly, i had a really bad cough and i got off the bus walkin to work, started coughin and i kept heavin afterwards and i could not stop, it was so frightening and people were all around me walkin past etc, i was walkin really fast to work to go hide in the loos to get my breath, i knew it was odd but yet it still happened..this went on for a week and i was sinkin into depression and dreaded goin to work cos it affected me gettin the bus, even to not being able to go outside cos every time i did or thought of doing so id heave like i was going to be sick.
my mum took me to the docs and they gave me some medicine for a nervous stomach? in a way it helped somewhat but this was3 yrs b4 i got put on medication for depression...
the panic attacks went on for a year...BUT gradually i got them under control and when i did i felt lie id been reborn it was so wonderful.

The way i managed to get over them was:

..to NOT force your self to do or go anywhere, slowly do it, very slowley, every little bit helps i promise...

..everytime i thought i was going to be sick etc i never ever was, i even tried to be at one point just to prove to myself that it really was a 'mind/panic' thing...if that makes sense..

..when i felt myself gettin panicky id concenterate on anythin like the back of my hand just absolutly anything, and to carry a small bottle of water where ever i went cos that also helped...u know, just to drink when i felt my throat get tight...etc..


..i really hope this may help somewhat, i hope it dosnt sound patronising :0)

xxxxxx

[cda33]

Hi, I guess school is not a good thing after all - haha - just joking. I just started the second semester of being a full time student. I'm in the medical field, we started our semester with a 2 day clinic session - I barely ate and drank anything. I was exteremely nervous and last night I had an attack. During a winter break I was fine, almost forgot that I suffer from anxiety. I could not fall asleep, my heart was pounding, I felt dizzy, I tried breathing and I started to listen to my relaxation cd's. I'm sure it was caused by the stress but the fact that I did not eat did not help at all. I have classes today, I feel a little better but still tense and almost on the edge. I hope it will pass. My therapist told me that I just should accept the fact that I have anxiety, it's part of me but at the same time learn how to deal with it and how to fight it. Take care