changespell
08-26-2013, 05:48 PM
Hello all,
I have only recently started having anxiety attacks and I'm having a hard time dealing with them as the reason for my anxiety attacks is only made worse by the anxiety attack itself.
I'm an emetophobic (fear of throwing up) and have been all my life. I hadn't thrown up in 10 years until recently after a bout of food poisoning, and the only good thing I can say about it is that it taught me that throwing up won't kill me. ("Yes, it feels horrible, but I can survive it" is how I felt about it.) About a month after food poisoning I went tubing on a river--it was sunny and 101 degrees F, I didn't drink much water, and when I finally ate it was a hotdog from a concession van. I got up at 1 a.m. with a horrible feeling of needing to gag and intestinal cramps, yet I wasn't nauseous. The feeling came in waves, it would get worse, then better, then worse again. I tried staving it off by walking outside, ended up thinking, "what the heck, puking is better than this" and tried to throw up but ended up only dry heaving as my stomach was empty. Sadly it didn't stop the sensation, and I ended up having to wait it out for seven long hours. I was fine after that, and blamed the hotdog, believing (or rather, wanting to believe) that it gave me a bacterial infection known as uvulitis (swelling up of the uvula in the back of the throat--causes a gagging sensation).
However, exactly a week after that, I started with a new hormone and once again was up from 1 a.m. but this time with nausea in my stomach. This, too, came in waves, and every time I felt it getting worse I would start shaking and my teeth would chatter and I'd feel panic-y. I felt sick enough to keep me awake, but I wasn't sick enough to throw up. Since then, I've been dreading night time/darkness. As soon as night falls I think: oh no, I could be up all night feeling sick, plus it being night there's nothing to distract me. It was just me, how horrible I felt and my obsessive thoughts about how horrible I felt. I have been having anxiety attacks on and off since then, I'll have two good days, then two bad days, then good again, etc. I do EFT tapping at the worst moments and deep breathing exercises as well; both really do seem to help but I just wish I could stave off the anxiety before it even starts. The problem is, as soon as I become anxious I start feeling nauseous, my throat tightens up (feels like I have a 'ball' in my throat, but am being gently choked at the same time, and I can't abide any pressure around my throat, even the bedsheet), I get heart palpitations and I get these chills down my tailbone to the backs of my legs, and I start getting intestinal cramps. These sensations are exactly what I fear, and that only ends up making my anxiety worse.
I stopped the hormones after three days which stopped my nausea, but I feel like my anxiety led to IBS which led to a whole host of other symptoms, which in turn led to more anxiety, etc etc. I've been doing better in that I don't get the cramping and nausea so much anymore, but it moved on to heart burn, headaches and the feeling of a band around my stomach, chest and back. Now that has passed, too, but I still get the chills, heart palpitations and the choking sensation. Sadly today the choking sensation increased to make me feel like I had to gag again, and now this sensation comes and goes all day. The first time I felt the need to gag (I haven't had to yet though) I started getting anxious. The problem is, the few people I've spoken to seem to think that this (like the other anxiety symptoms) is mental and that I'm making myself feel this way. I'm going to a doctor tomorrow to talk about how I feel but I'm afraid that they'll just brush it off like everybody else and not understand how I'm feeling, and in the meanwhile I'm terrified I'll be up all night again with the need to gag.
I just don't feel like myself anymore, I don't like eating at night time as I think having an empty stomach will stave off nausea/sickness at night, but it's led me to lose weight that I can't really lose, and I'm starting to have people tell me that I'm going to turn into an anorexic. I know it won't come to that as I love eating in the morning and afternoon, but I just wish I could be back to my old self who didn't mind eating at night, who could have a snack at 10 p.m. without fear. Who could go to bed thinking about good things, not constantly worrying about the sensations in my body. I can even get angry at myself at times, as this is truly an irrational fear, and I know it is, but that doesn't stop the feelings. I feel like two long but stupid nights out of thousands of good nights have ruined my life. I used to be a night person but now I'm afraid of it, and I even get anxious when I'm alone and it's quiet (but at the same time I don't like being 'stuck' in a big group of people, e.g. in a restaurant or cinema).
I hope I didn't mess up my story too much, it's long and drawn-out, but I just really feel the need to talk to people who cope with the same sensations. How do people live with this for years? Thinking about feeling this way for a long time is nearly depressing me, and I just want to get back to my old, 'carefree' self that I was even a month ago.
I have only recently started having anxiety attacks and I'm having a hard time dealing with them as the reason for my anxiety attacks is only made worse by the anxiety attack itself.
I'm an emetophobic (fear of throwing up) and have been all my life. I hadn't thrown up in 10 years until recently after a bout of food poisoning, and the only good thing I can say about it is that it taught me that throwing up won't kill me. ("Yes, it feels horrible, but I can survive it" is how I felt about it.) About a month after food poisoning I went tubing on a river--it was sunny and 101 degrees F, I didn't drink much water, and when I finally ate it was a hotdog from a concession van. I got up at 1 a.m. with a horrible feeling of needing to gag and intestinal cramps, yet I wasn't nauseous. The feeling came in waves, it would get worse, then better, then worse again. I tried staving it off by walking outside, ended up thinking, "what the heck, puking is better than this" and tried to throw up but ended up only dry heaving as my stomach was empty. Sadly it didn't stop the sensation, and I ended up having to wait it out for seven long hours. I was fine after that, and blamed the hotdog, believing (or rather, wanting to believe) that it gave me a bacterial infection known as uvulitis (swelling up of the uvula in the back of the throat--causes a gagging sensation).
However, exactly a week after that, I started with a new hormone and once again was up from 1 a.m. but this time with nausea in my stomach. This, too, came in waves, and every time I felt it getting worse I would start shaking and my teeth would chatter and I'd feel panic-y. I felt sick enough to keep me awake, but I wasn't sick enough to throw up. Since then, I've been dreading night time/darkness. As soon as night falls I think: oh no, I could be up all night feeling sick, plus it being night there's nothing to distract me. It was just me, how horrible I felt and my obsessive thoughts about how horrible I felt. I have been having anxiety attacks on and off since then, I'll have two good days, then two bad days, then good again, etc. I do EFT tapping at the worst moments and deep breathing exercises as well; both really do seem to help but I just wish I could stave off the anxiety before it even starts. The problem is, as soon as I become anxious I start feeling nauseous, my throat tightens up (feels like I have a 'ball' in my throat, but am being gently choked at the same time, and I can't abide any pressure around my throat, even the bedsheet), I get heart palpitations and I get these chills down my tailbone to the backs of my legs, and I start getting intestinal cramps. These sensations are exactly what I fear, and that only ends up making my anxiety worse.
I stopped the hormones after three days which stopped my nausea, but I feel like my anxiety led to IBS which led to a whole host of other symptoms, which in turn led to more anxiety, etc etc. I've been doing better in that I don't get the cramping and nausea so much anymore, but it moved on to heart burn, headaches and the feeling of a band around my stomach, chest and back. Now that has passed, too, but I still get the chills, heart palpitations and the choking sensation. Sadly today the choking sensation increased to make me feel like I had to gag again, and now this sensation comes and goes all day. The first time I felt the need to gag (I haven't had to yet though) I started getting anxious. The problem is, the few people I've spoken to seem to think that this (like the other anxiety symptoms) is mental and that I'm making myself feel this way. I'm going to a doctor tomorrow to talk about how I feel but I'm afraid that they'll just brush it off like everybody else and not understand how I'm feeling, and in the meanwhile I'm terrified I'll be up all night again with the need to gag.
I just don't feel like myself anymore, I don't like eating at night time as I think having an empty stomach will stave off nausea/sickness at night, but it's led me to lose weight that I can't really lose, and I'm starting to have people tell me that I'm going to turn into an anorexic. I know it won't come to that as I love eating in the morning and afternoon, but I just wish I could be back to my old self who didn't mind eating at night, who could have a snack at 10 p.m. without fear. Who could go to bed thinking about good things, not constantly worrying about the sensations in my body. I can even get angry at myself at times, as this is truly an irrational fear, and I know it is, but that doesn't stop the feelings. I feel like two long but stupid nights out of thousands of good nights have ruined my life. I used to be a night person but now I'm afraid of it, and I even get anxious when I'm alone and it's quiet (but at the same time I don't like being 'stuck' in a big group of people, e.g. in a restaurant or cinema).
I hope I didn't mess up my story too much, it's long and drawn-out, but I just really feel the need to talk to people who cope with the same sensations. How do people live with this for years? Thinking about feeling this way for a long time is nearly depressing me, and I just want to get back to my old, 'carefree' self that I was even a month ago.