jsmythe
10-30-2007, 07:35 PM
Hello,
After a year of feeling "not like myself," having seen countless doctors, 9 months of therapy, and basically a ruined professional and personal life, I figure it's time to throw this one out to the ether and see if anyone has any suggestions. Sorry if this is long.
I'm in my late 20s, am in an upper management position at a big, popular company. I'm an overachiever and workaholic, have always had big dreams, and I'm "successful" by most measures and have/had a bright future ahead.
About 18 months ago, I had a period where I was noticing a good number of heart palpitations. I went to the doc, he said it was just a minor anxiety. It went away after he reassured me. Six months later, I started having occasional bouts of lightheadedness -- not a diziness, but more of a floating sensation/detachment from my body. This started happening off and on gradually, and seemed to be worse when I dwelled on it. Doc said anxiety, just relax more.
Things got worse through November and December (it's worth noting that work stress increased during this time), where the floaty feelings seemed to increase, which led me to really begin to freak out about what was going on in my head. Early in January, I had a panic attack as a result of waking up in the middle of the night feeling that something was wrong/impending doom and death/etc. The lightheadedness continued on, I saw my doctor again, he said the anxiety had just progressed to something severe and recommended a therapist. Fine, I saw a therapist and have been seeing him weekly since then. He says this is a mixture of anxiety and depression etc etc.
Fast forward through a few months of therapy, seeing countless doctors (I've had an MRI, every blood test in the book, thyroid, lyme, blood sugar, neurological exam, eye exams, everything came back normal). Here's where we are today:
- The lightheadedness continues for part of every day
- Wondering why I feel bad is on my mind most of the time, and I can't shake it
- I have basically no sex drive, which was healthy 6-9 months ago
- I have perception problems when driving, especially at night -- it feels like I'm drunk and basically it's now too dangerous for me to drive at night
- When I ride my motorcycle, I feel like my arms are numb or like it's too dangerous to ride
- I feel like have no "emotional memory" -- when I visit my parents, I don't remember the feelings I had living with them growing up. When I was having a discussion with my dad, it felt like I had never spoken to him before. When I was hanging out with my dog, I felt like I had never spent any time with him before.
- I have absolutely no interest in my work whatsoever, to the point where I just had to take a month off
- I've developed a paralyzing fear of flying, or rather, being trapped
- Sometimes I feel like I'm going crazy -- my level of introspection/analysis is abnormal and ridiculous at this point, and nothing feels "normal" anymore
- When I exercise vigorously, I feel like I lose touch with my body -- I can't tell if I'm tired, I feel out of my mind, and it takes the whole enjoyment out of exercise
While I feel better than I did 9 months ago, my quality of life is crap. The reason I'm posting here, though, is that I feel like I've been painted into this anxiety/depression diagnosis and doctors aren't willing to look past it, and I'm trying to figure out if there's something that they might be missing. Do I have too much stress at work? Yes. Do I have too weak of a social life? Yes. Do I have some anxiety? Yes, mostly as a result of wondering why I feel bad all the time. Do I have some depression? Maybe, though I've never felt sad or down in the dumps at all. The thing is, what I feel doesn't really correspond to much of what I've read about any of this. (yes, I've seen the long lists of possible symptoms, but those symptoms are also occasionally indicative of other conditions as well.)
Anyway, this post is long enough! I need opinions here. I'm tired of this nonsense and need to get my life back on track.
thanks!
After a year of feeling "not like myself," having seen countless doctors, 9 months of therapy, and basically a ruined professional and personal life, I figure it's time to throw this one out to the ether and see if anyone has any suggestions. Sorry if this is long.
I'm in my late 20s, am in an upper management position at a big, popular company. I'm an overachiever and workaholic, have always had big dreams, and I'm "successful" by most measures and have/had a bright future ahead.
About 18 months ago, I had a period where I was noticing a good number of heart palpitations. I went to the doc, he said it was just a minor anxiety. It went away after he reassured me. Six months later, I started having occasional bouts of lightheadedness -- not a diziness, but more of a floating sensation/detachment from my body. This started happening off and on gradually, and seemed to be worse when I dwelled on it. Doc said anxiety, just relax more.
Things got worse through November and December (it's worth noting that work stress increased during this time), where the floaty feelings seemed to increase, which led me to really begin to freak out about what was going on in my head. Early in January, I had a panic attack as a result of waking up in the middle of the night feeling that something was wrong/impending doom and death/etc. The lightheadedness continued on, I saw my doctor again, he said the anxiety had just progressed to something severe and recommended a therapist. Fine, I saw a therapist and have been seeing him weekly since then. He says this is a mixture of anxiety and depression etc etc.
Fast forward through a few months of therapy, seeing countless doctors (I've had an MRI, every blood test in the book, thyroid, lyme, blood sugar, neurological exam, eye exams, everything came back normal). Here's where we are today:
- The lightheadedness continues for part of every day
- Wondering why I feel bad is on my mind most of the time, and I can't shake it
- I have basically no sex drive, which was healthy 6-9 months ago
- I have perception problems when driving, especially at night -- it feels like I'm drunk and basically it's now too dangerous for me to drive at night
- When I ride my motorcycle, I feel like my arms are numb or like it's too dangerous to ride
- I feel like have no "emotional memory" -- when I visit my parents, I don't remember the feelings I had living with them growing up. When I was having a discussion with my dad, it felt like I had never spoken to him before. When I was hanging out with my dog, I felt like I had never spent any time with him before.
- I have absolutely no interest in my work whatsoever, to the point where I just had to take a month off
- I've developed a paralyzing fear of flying, or rather, being trapped
- Sometimes I feel like I'm going crazy -- my level of introspection/analysis is abnormal and ridiculous at this point, and nothing feels "normal" anymore
- When I exercise vigorously, I feel like I lose touch with my body -- I can't tell if I'm tired, I feel out of my mind, and it takes the whole enjoyment out of exercise
While I feel better than I did 9 months ago, my quality of life is crap. The reason I'm posting here, though, is that I feel like I've been painted into this anxiety/depression diagnosis and doctors aren't willing to look past it, and I'm trying to figure out if there's something that they might be missing. Do I have too much stress at work? Yes. Do I have too weak of a social life? Yes. Do I have some anxiety? Yes, mostly as a result of wondering why I feel bad all the time. Do I have some depression? Maybe, though I've never felt sad or down in the dumps at all. The thing is, what I feel doesn't really correspond to much of what I've read about any of this. (yes, I've seen the long lists of possible symptoms, but those symptoms are also occasionally indicative of other conditions as well.)
Anyway, this post is long enough! I need opinions here. I'm tired of this nonsense and need to get my life back on track.
thanks!