Hoping All of You Smart People Can Help Me Out!! (:

[vividambiguity]

Hello! So I'm new to this site, I literally just joined 5 minutes ago. haha. So forgive me if I'm doing something wrong in terms of where I'm posting what. But I was hoping that someone here could maybe help me out or at least relate a little to what I'm experiencing.

So about a year and a half ago, I started having these mysterious, debilitating health problems. I became incredibly anxious over them after not getting answers and convinced myself that I had something terribly wrong with me and was going to die. So in order to cope, I started trying to make myself okay with death - really seeing it as a good thing. But it didn't really help my anxious thoughts at all and ended up just messing with my thinking, throwing me into this existential mindset (that I still feel like I'm in and I can't control it). I started having panic attacks around this time, or what I assumed were panic attacks, ie. getting really scared out of nowhere, lightheaded, tense, more frequent and worse while driving. And my anxiety became generalized to where I couldn't even leave my room. I thought that I was going crazy and was so afraid of losing control of myself. This kind of came out of nowhere after I started worrying about my health so much, doing so much research and thinking so much about life and death. I think I just really overwhelmed myself. But ever since, it's been this constant feeling of crazy. I'm coherent, I can function normally, but I feel like my mind is just so messed up and things don't feel real, I always question everything -- when someone tries to explain the meaning of life, I cannot comprehend it and end up repetitively thinking things like "what does the word 'life' even mean?" and it goes on and on. It's like my mind is stuck in this setting and I can't fix it. I often feel like I'm just going crazy. But I've been over this in therapy, and of course if I WERE crazy, I wouldn't be aware of it. I'm just afraid of GOING crazy. And I'm afraid that I'll never be fixed and I'll never figure out an answer to this. I haven't left my room all summer. It's like... depression mixed with anxiety mixed with this "crazy" feeling which may or may not include derealization. I don't even know. I'm so scared, though. (I'm 21 and a female, by the way. if that matters.)

[alankay]

Let's keep it simple. You are anxious. All else is caused by that but what causes the anxiety? If no "cause" can be found(past abuse/psychological conflict) you may just have an anxious personality like many.
If so my advise would be to visit a pdoc or Family Doc and start treatment if psychotherapy hasn't helped.
Also work to educate yourself on anxiety and how it effects people and you'll learn how much of what you feel is just anxiety and that's it. No your not going mad, losing your mind, losing control, dying, you're just anxious.
Once you get on a med and get some education on anxiety you'll start to improve to a better place where you then understand all this even better and you be more "on top" of it all. PM me any time,. Alankay

[vividambiguity]

Let's keep it simple. You are anxious. All else is caused by that but what causes the anxiety? If no "cause" can be found(past abuse/psychological conflict) you may just have an anxious personality like many.
If so my advise would be to visit a pdoc or Family Doc and start treatment if psychotherapy hasn't helped.
Also work to educate yourself on anxiety and how it effects people and you'll learn how much of what you feel is just anxiety and that's it. No your not going mad, losing your mind, losing control, dying, you're just anxious.
Once you get on a med and get some education on anxiety you'll start to improve to a better place where you then understand all this even better and you be more "on top" of it all. PM me any time,. Alankay

It just feels like more than anxiety. I feel like a lot of different things play into it. I'm actually a psychology major in school, so I know quite a bit about mental disorders, and considering I have a few, I've done my research, believe me. haha. I'm just so worried that how I feel is permanent. I've been on around 10 anti depressants , a few benzos, and now my psych. wants to try stimulants. I've become so hopeless. I can understand how panic attacks can make you feel crazy, but I just feel all around crazy. Like I'm stuck in a mode of thinking that I can't get out of. It just.. happened one day, and hasn't gone away for a year and a half. Thank you for the reply.

[alankay]

Did the benzos help at all? If so which ones and how much of a dose?
Have you had a complete metabolic profile blood test, thyroid test and a complete physical? You just seem very lucid for it to be much else IMHO. Just seems like distress is the issue and that's anxiety. Alankay

[vividambiguity]

Did the benzos help at all? If so which ones and how much of a dose?
Have you had a complete metabolic profile blood test, thyroid test and a complete physical? You just seem very lucid for it to be much else IMHO. Just seems like distress is the issue and that's anxiety. Alankay

Nope :/ Nothing has helped. It's not like I have a problem with frequent panic attacks, just anxiety. It feels like I'm in a constant panic attack... but also like life isn't real. I'm just scared that like my constant thinking about life and death a year and a half-ish ago just screwed up my mode of thinking and it's unfixable. But they say that it's all fixable to an extent... with neuroplasticity and such. I'm just afraid of going insane, because I often feel like I am, and like no one can understand this. Maybe it's a combination of a lot of things... like anxiety, depression, my current lifestyle, etc. I don't know.
Yes, I've had a lot of blood work done. Like I said, I've had serious health issues that have yet to be diagnosed, so.. many times. haha.

[alankay]

What were the doses and name of the benzos? If the doses were low they may not have helped at that dose. The reason I ask is that you seem to be describing long term distress, which is anxiety. Maybe GAD but also suffering from extended symptoms due the prolonged nature of all the various thoughts and negative scenarios that result from that. Think about it. The more one worries the more "mature" and developed ones fears gets until you are fixated on several fears that are just an end result. Then you wind up looking at those as symptoms but they are just the longer term result of you anxiety/anxieties.
If you have health scares and issues, factor in a scenario similar to a bit PTSD type distress as well.
If the doses were high enough(benzos and AD's) then they might be looking for a paradoxical reaction to stimulants but I've never seen that in anxiety for adults but I'm no doctor. Alankay

[bioman987]

Hello, my name is Don. I have had anxiety and a social phobia from about age 10. I had reached the point where it really scared me to even leave my house. I scared to drive, go to work. Scared of people, and was a real mess..
I now live in Thailand and have very little problems with anxiety today. I would not say I am anxiety free, because I think no one is ever anxiety free. I can say it, is at a manageable level and I am very happy and can do almost anything I want. I flew to Thailand 3 times in the last 2 years and there was a time in my life when I could not even walk into a store or go to the mall without freaking out. The flight to Thailand form America is about 14 hours.
I have seen a dozen doctors and just as many psychologists. I have taken about as many different medications. Today I am medication free and feeling great.
I now want to give back some of the things that I have learned along the way and maybe help someone.

[Lin]

I am now on diazepam, olanzepine, and agnomelatine and not sure any of them help except perhaps I would be more anxious if I was not on them. I am also taking gynae meds which cause me bad pmt tempers and really low moods.
My husband thinks I should stop taking all tablets and see what happens, but worried to do that, and believe in my psychiatrist. He has now referred me to a mood specialist at Bristol, so hoping he is going to really help me.
Also the new gynae meds are taking away my hormones so pushing me into the menopause which I keep going in and out of, so there is hope there too although more meds.
My GP and psychiatrist have suggested ECT, but me and my husband are not keen because of the possible problem with memory loss after - worried I might not be able to do my job again.
So know what you mean about giving up tablets, but also hope that they will help me. So keeping going with them for the moment.
I did manage on herbal remedies for a few years at the start of the menopause but since the depression got a lot worse they stopped working for me. Although I still take a multi vitamin, iron and B3 every day.