AyeJay
08-14-2013, 12:04 AM
Hey, I'm a 15 year old male sophomore at high school and I'd like to give you guys a bit of a background about me.
Early on/Sports
Growing up, I wasn't very confident in public speakings and just things that would take courage but it wasn't anything that most kids my age didn't suffer. In 5th grade I got into basketball, and I was a pretty good player while playing with my friends, always one of the best so I joined a team my 6th grade year, and when I actually got in my first game in front of the crowd, I lost any confidence I had, I didn't score most games and some games I scored like 2-4 points. I spent 6/7/8 grade beating myself up because of this. I have countless memories of basketball games where I let my dad down, going to basketball tournaments while being so scared. Middle school ended, and I decided I'm done with basketball. I still watch NBA and play basketball but most of the memories I have are of failure on the court. At school, everything was normal, I wasn't confident but I had my friends and I wasn't bullied or anything, I was just an average kid.
Starting High school
Before I started high school, in 8th grade, I got braces and severe acne. Which as you can tell isn't a good combination. To start the year, at lunch due to a crazy schedule, I had 1 person to talk too and during my first week I lost so much self esteem and I just felt like shit. Later on as schedules got changed and I met new people, I made friends at lunch and I seemed like an average kid but I hated myself. I use to walk into high school, just hating the fact that I have acne and hating who I am. I use to dread speaking and during certain breakouts, I tried to not go to school. I wasn't very confident, and I wanted the school year to end. I used to come home from school and go to sleep so summer would come sooner. I finally made it out of freshman year.
Summer/present
When summer came, I started going to the gym, I got accutane (Acne medicine) and luckily my braces came off. At this point, I'm starting to feel good about myself at times, and I even picked up some compliments of girls calling me cute at this function I attended. However, nothing really changed on the inside, I still feel embarrassed. I hate going out in public unless I feel great about myself that day. I'm embarrassed of who I am, I'm embarrassed of my parents (and this makes me feel like shit because I really love my parents). I went to go hang out with my cousins friends the other day and I said nothing but hi and bye, I felt so embarrassed, I just didn't have confidence to just talk and bring up conversations. This whole summer, I've had this one fear that on the first day of school at lunch, I'm not going to find anyone and I'll be alone (which in reality is actually something that might happen because our school has 4000 people) and every time I feel good about myself that thought comes up. Since the orientation times have been announced, I've been dreading it and thinking about how I'll not see anyone and be all alone. I feel depressed at times, just waking up and having a negative mindset.
I have symptoms of Social Anxiety and General Anxiety but neither are severe. I'm not sure if I'm just overreacting and I'm just overly concerned and shy or if I actually suffer from anxiety. Thanks for any replies.
Early on/Sports
Growing up, I wasn't very confident in public speakings and just things that would take courage but it wasn't anything that most kids my age didn't suffer. In 5th grade I got into basketball, and I was a pretty good player while playing with my friends, always one of the best so I joined a team my 6th grade year, and when I actually got in my first game in front of the crowd, I lost any confidence I had, I didn't score most games and some games I scored like 2-4 points. I spent 6/7/8 grade beating myself up because of this. I have countless memories of basketball games where I let my dad down, going to basketball tournaments while being so scared. Middle school ended, and I decided I'm done with basketball. I still watch NBA and play basketball but most of the memories I have are of failure on the court. At school, everything was normal, I wasn't confident but I had my friends and I wasn't bullied or anything, I was just an average kid.
Starting High school
Before I started high school, in 8th grade, I got braces and severe acne. Which as you can tell isn't a good combination. To start the year, at lunch due to a crazy schedule, I had 1 person to talk too and during my first week I lost so much self esteem and I just felt like shit. Later on as schedules got changed and I met new people, I made friends at lunch and I seemed like an average kid but I hated myself. I use to walk into high school, just hating the fact that I have acne and hating who I am. I use to dread speaking and during certain breakouts, I tried to not go to school. I wasn't very confident, and I wanted the school year to end. I used to come home from school and go to sleep so summer would come sooner. I finally made it out of freshman year.
Summer/present
When summer came, I started going to the gym, I got accutane (Acne medicine) and luckily my braces came off. At this point, I'm starting to feel good about myself at times, and I even picked up some compliments of girls calling me cute at this function I attended. However, nothing really changed on the inside, I still feel embarrassed. I hate going out in public unless I feel great about myself that day. I'm embarrassed of who I am, I'm embarrassed of my parents (and this makes me feel like shit because I really love my parents). I went to go hang out with my cousins friends the other day and I said nothing but hi and bye, I felt so embarrassed, I just didn't have confidence to just talk and bring up conversations. This whole summer, I've had this one fear that on the first day of school at lunch, I'm not going to find anyone and I'll be alone (which in reality is actually something that might happen because our school has 4000 people) and every time I feel good about myself that thought comes up. Since the orientation times have been announced, I've been dreading it and thinking about how I'll not see anyone and be all alone. I feel depressed at times, just waking up and having a negative mindset.
I have symptoms of Social Anxiety and General Anxiety but neither are severe. I'm not sure if I'm just overreacting and I'm just overly concerned and shy or if I actually suffer from anxiety. Thanks for any replies.