Peak
08-09-2013, 09:17 AM
I'm really struggling to keep a grip on things at the moment and my health anxiety is going into hyperdrive mode. Today has been just about the worse day ever.
I'm overweight anyway and this has always been the main cause of my health anxiety but then the other day I noticed a pain 'down there' and now concerned about testicular cancer or other things.
Went to the doc today who did an examination and said that she couldn't detect anything to cause her any concern which was a relief and I do believe her. However as a precaution she's organising for me to have a scan. Whilst I'm sure it won't reveal anything, the fact that it has kept the question open is playing on my mind.
Whilst at the docs I got the results of blood test I had last week which reveals I have high cholesterol which then feeds into my health anxiety and I worry about heart disease.
Then because of trying to get a doctors appointment I forgot to take my medication this morning which reduces the heart palpitations I get and racing heart caused by anxiety. As a result my heart is racing and its palpation city at the moment. This then makes me more anxious about my health and having a heart attack.
Then today I find that someone is threatening to sue me for something I haven't done. Normally I wouldn't be too concerned because I truly know I haven't done what I'm being accused of but the person accusing me is seriously crazy and has a daughter who is a barrister and so he can afford to take anyone and everyone to court (he's done it to several other people I know). This is causing me massive amounts of stress as I can't afford to defend myself and yet if I don't he will sue me for God knows what and I could loose everything. So either I have to find a few thousand to defend myself and prove I'm totally innocent or loose a few thousand or a lot more (he's previously tried to sue someone for their house) by not defending myself. Everytime I think about this my heart feels like it's going to burst through my chest and I feel giddy and vision blurs which in turn then feeds into my health anxiety again.
I could so easily have a full on panic attack or even a breakdown at the moment. There is almost a part of me that wants to in the sense of I don't want to have to try and keep it all together anymore. I'm tired of being strong, I'm tired of fighting it, I just want to relax, give in and collapse but I know I must not do this.
I'm overweight anyway and this has always been the main cause of my health anxiety but then the other day I noticed a pain 'down there' and now concerned about testicular cancer or other things.
Went to the doc today who did an examination and said that she couldn't detect anything to cause her any concern which was a relief and I do believe her. However as a precaution she's organising for me to have a scan. Whilst I'm sure it won't reveal anything, the fact that it has kept the question open is playing on my mind.
Whilst at the docs I got the results of blood test I had last week which reveals I have high cholesterol which then feeds into my health anxiety and I worry about heart disease.
Then because of trying to get a doctors appointment I forgot to take my medication this morning which reduces the heart palpitations I get and racing heart caused by anxiety. As a result my heart is racing and its palpation city at the moment. This then makes me more anxious about my health and having a heart attack.
Then today I find that someone is threatening to sue me for something I haven't done. Normally I wouldn't be too concerned because I truly know I haven't done what I'm being accused of but the person accusing me is seriously crazy and has a daughter who is a barrister and so he can afford to take anyone and everyone to court (he's done it to several other people I know). This is causing me massive amounts of stress as I can't afford to defend myself and yet if I don't he will sue me for God knows what and I could loose everything. So either I have to find a few thousand to defend myself and prove I'm totally innocent or loose a few thousand or a lot more (he's previously tried to sue someone for their house) by not defending myself. Everytime I think about this my heart feels like it's going to burst through my chest and I feel giddy and vision blurs which in turn then feeds into my health anxiety again.
I could so easily have a full on panic attack or even a breakdown at the moment. There is almost a part of me that wants to in the sense of I don't want to have to try and keep it all together anymore. I'm tired of being strong, I'm tired of fighting it, I just want to relax, give in and collapse but I know I must not do this.