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View Full Version : Bad experiences with everyone I come across?



theaqua
08-05-2013, 05:29 PM
I'll try to make this story short:

I'm 21 years old and haven't found a job and am still supported by my mother so far. I feel like a leech. But I'm still job searching.

This summer, I was supposed to do an art internship with some people that my mom knew via her friend and I'm currently living in the same housing unit as them. At first I came off as nice and shy, but then the landlord really started to get to me because every time I had a problem or needed something fixed, he never responded to my calls but he's always come to the aid of the other girl.

This particular roommate has been complaining about the bathroom being dirty and that's where the tensions started. She started yelling at me and even told me to "grow up" and "clean up". She's also a graphic designer who was supposed to give me some insight on being a graphic designer but that hasn't happened this whole summer.

I told my mom about the problem after two months of holding my tongue in and she sided with me and told me to go look on Craigslist for another place to stay. The landlord has also made promises to do certain things and wearing my patience thin. I finally got frustrated and told him through a text message that perhaps "someone" shouldn't be a landlord.

It's easier for me to communicate my anger through a text message then directly in person because people seem intimidating Sometimes I have the courage to stand up for myself, and when I do, I come across as rude and not giving a **** about what I say to people.

And then this morning my mom is mad at me because I told him about his wrongdoings in a "condescending" way but she agreed the night before that he wasn't a good landlord.

She was going to pay him the rent money and he didn't respond the other day so I asked him nicely if he'd gotten my mom's message for the money and he said he would call her right away. And that never happened.

The landlord also accused me of slamming the doors and banging on the walls.

Even if I said that I didn't do that, no one would believe me because no one is ever on my side.

Do u feel like no one ever takes your side?

I've have bad interactions with almost every roommate or person I've lived with during my college years. I feel like they prey on me because I'm a quiet person and they want to see my buttons pushed.

I'm tired of being dependent on my mother and tired of having bad social interactions with people. I would like to make friends and get a job and be independent, but due to my past interactions, it feels like a never ending cycle. I feel like committing suicide because of this. Is it me being passive aggressive or is it them??


Due to past experiences, for some weird reason, I expect people to be submissive the same way I've been in the past.

Lin
08-05-2013, 08:17 PM
I am finding at the moment that my self esteem and depression is so bad that I feel that i get it wrong with people all the time. I feel like I say or do the wrong thing all the time. I replay conversations over and over in my head to try and work out what I have done wrong. At home I lose my temper really easy when I feel that someone is not understanding or answering a question I need answered, at work I can't lose my temper so conversations just go round and round and the worry gets worse and worse.
It is so easy to feel that noone understands, and that you are all alone, and that you are hitting your head against a wall because noone is listening or caring.
Depression and anxiety are horrible and make our lives unbearable to live with and it makes suicide seem to be the only way out of the viscious circle of ruminating on bad thoughts.
Psychologist told me we have to learn to be in the present, even if only for a few minutes a day, and gradually the rumination on bad thoughts and stories about things which have happened or been said will get less, but even 5 minutes trying to sit and listen to your breath and be in the present is difficult when your head is really bad. But mindfulness and being in the present is the answer - just not easy to do when your head is really bad.