Feeling of getting nowhere any help would be a great help....

[Jane2013]

Hi there,

This is my first post and it's more about my boyfriend than me. For the past five years my boyfriend has experienced severe dizziness / feelings of unreal / Feelings in the throat and ears & head which then brings on anxiety. These feelings just came on one day one was fine the next day and 5 years on the feelings have been everyday sometimes days worse than others. He explains it as a really bad trip.

After so many visits to the doctors & hospital for test or been given various tablets nothing has yet worked.

He says on a daily basis he wakes up disoriented and nothing feels real and everyday is a struggle from doing basic everyday things like making a drink all becomes a horrible chore for him. When the attacks come on he feels laying down in a dark room helps or going to sleep for 5 minutes.

To me I have no understanding of what could cause these first feelings but it seems like when these feelings come on intensely it then brings on severe anxiety. I sometimes wonder if the whole thing could just be anxiety as in the past I used to have panic attacks and some of the feelings he describes are like how I felt.

He used to be so bubbly and the life and soul of a party now a shy shy person that can hardly speak to anyone. None of the tablets ever given have helped.

I have managed to get him on a cognitive behavioral therapy and he's had about 4 sessions which have been going okish. This weekend we went away and the feelings etc came on worse Im guessing because we we're in different surroundings. I have bought him vitamins 5-HTP & B-50.

Feel like we are just never getting anywhere :( it's taking it's toll on me as it happens a lot when we are doing thing obviously it's not his fault but still doesn't stop it been hard for me. But for him its just getting like it's never ever ever going to get better and has just been stuck like this for 5 years.

Has anybody been in a similar situation to this with sensations and dizziness and feeling of unreal? Any help or advice would be greatly greatly appreciated.

Thanks x

[lalouba_jane]

Hi Jane,

So sorry to hear about your boyfriend. I think a lot of us tend to forget what an effect our own anxiety has on those closest to us. Sadly anxiety, for the most part, is quite a self absorbed illness. We worry so much about ourselves that all we want to do is sit quietly and pretend that nothing else is going on.

I definitely get the symptoms you describe. Not so much that unreal feeling (although it happens occasionally) but I certainly know people who deal with that on a daily basis. It's our brains way of trying to separate us from our stress to recoup a little. It doesnt work! Haha.

I get a lot of dizziness and headaches and have numerous problems with my ears, especially the right one. I get quite bad tinnitus and throbbing sensations along with random sharp pains that follow the line of the eustatian tube in that side.

What he is experiencing are all normal side effects of prolonged stress or anxiety. It's his body's way of telling him it needs rest.

I had my biggest panic attack ever on Saturday and sitting in a dark room with my partners arms around me and falling asleep was the only way I got through it. Thankfully he is incredibly understanding and it sounds like you are, too... but I can totally understand your frustration.

My ex was bipolar and was incredibly hard work as he would often take his frustration out on me, so I know roughly what you're dealing with. It's horrible when someone you care so much about is in constant turmoil because you feel helpless, like you can't do anything to make them better no matter how hard you try.

I would suggest two things.

One, do as much research as you possibly can into anxiety disorder - speaking to those of us dealing with it on here is a great place to start. Look into what you may be able to do to help. Basically, learn as much as you can about it so that you're better equipped to understand how he is feeling.

Secondly I think you should sit down with him and have a serious talk. Ask *him* what you can do to help. Find out if he has any triggers and do your best to make sure they don't happen or, if they're unavoidable, that they happen less frequently. He is the best person to explain to you what the best way you can help might be, as we all experience the illness in different ways. I, for example, find it helpful if my boyfriend sits quietly with me and helps me focus on my breathing, whereas I have anxious friends who can't stand to be around people in the throes of an attack and don't want to be spoken to, touched, looked at, etc. If you want to make your relationship work you both have to work together.

Sorry for the essay but I hope I've been able to offer a little help. :)

[Jane2013]

Hi there,

Thanks for that so nice to hear from other people and there experiences.

I'm glad you mentioned you get a lot of the feelings I mentioned as it still leads me to think that the whole thing might be anxiety related. Whereas my boyfriend is adamant its not.

I tried to explain that anxiety can work in weird ways and he just dismisses its this and goes if it if is why would I get noises in my ears and throat etc. so I'm glad that you mentioned the noises and ears. My boyfriend also has tinnitus for around 12 years I wonder if this adds to anxiety?

So sorry that you have to go through this as I've seen how my boyfriend is and its horrendous. It's got the the point where I feel my boyfriend gives up and thinks that's he's tried everything. I keep saying we have to beat it and try new things to try alter it.

He goes abroad for the first time in September and I'm so scared of what might happen and also don't want the holiday to be spent indoors because of it. We went to London on the weekend and that was hard enough never mind getting on a flight for the first time.

I will do lots of research see what I find.

Thanks so much for your reply and i hope that one day you are better and happier :) as nobody deserves to feel like how you do.

If anyone else has any other help please do reply to the thread.

Jane x

[lalouba_jane]

No problem at all, love. What he's experiencing is almost certainly anxiety. I'd be gobsmacked if it wasn't. It took me a long time to accept that it was anxiety rather than a physical problem, and some people never do.

Maybe he needs to look into it himself and he might start to see some links.

Wish you both the best of luck :) x

[Jane2013]

I know just wish he would think that. I've told him to come on here and start chatting to people. He just doesn't think its anxiety.

He's always like why do I just wake up with it if its anxiety why as soon as I sit up am I dizzy? I always say it can work in horrible ways.

Maybe if I chat to him more about people's experiences and what they say on here he may start to maybe understand that it is that. I told him anxiety doesn't always have to start with a antic attack and that it can do things to the mind.

So sad you all have to feel like this I can remember when I had panic attacks I thought I was going die I just hope you get better soon xxxx