Please help. . .

[Timisbananajoe]

I've never written in a forum before, but I need help. . . I'm not even sure if I have anxiety. . I am a 26 year old male and I worry. . . ALL OF THE TIME. . . Everyday when I leave work, I think that I've made mistakes (saying something inappropriate, not turning something off, etc.) When my coworkers don't say "Hi!" with a big smile, I start imagining things: maybe I'm in trouble with the boss? Maybe they're mad at me? Maybe I did something wrong? Maybe I bother them? Maybe I ask too many questions? The thing is. . . I've never said anything wrong, made anyone mad, or anything even close. . . but I start imagining things. . . I make up these weird scenarios in my head where I alter reality. I actually say "Hi! Good morning!" But I imagine that I said "How the hell are you?" When I leave the house in the morning, I think I've left the lights on. . . I think I forgot to lock the doors. . . It is driving me crazy. I am scared all of the time. . . I think I'm in trouble or that I'm going to get fired. I need help. Please.

[V for Victor]

I think you've answered your own question. You DO have anxiety. Everything you've described is classic of anxiety, and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. (That's what I have.)

The good news is that you're most certainly not alone. Millions of people feel the way you do, including me. As hard as it is to imagine at first, this is not a problem with who you are as a person, and it's not a life-sentence. Anxiety is treatable with or without medication, and it can be overcome and controlled.

Do take this test for Obsessive Compulsive Disorder from the University of Hamburg: http://www.mhsanctuary.com/tests/ocdtest.htm

I've linked to this test a lot on here, and the reactions are generally the same. People are shocked at how much the test enlightens them about themselves.

Your particular worries about whether everything is locked and turned off in the house is categorical to OCD as checking obsessions/compulsions.

For instance, you may worry about whether or not you locked the door, despite having checked it before you left. You try to reassure yourself by saying, "Yes I did lock the door, and I checked to make sure. It is locked." But you cannot shake the feeling that the door is unlocked, and what if you really didn't check it, or you didn't check it right. This is where the compulsion kicks in and you may turn around to go back to check the door again and again, over and over, trying to get the right feeling that the door is indeed locked. I know this firsthand, as this is a problem that my mother has always dealt with.

Do you have other worries, such as about contamination? Fears that something has somehow become contaminated, and if you touch it you will become sick, or spread disease? This is something I deal with personally.

Really, anything can become an obsession and compulsions can form around it.

What really matters is not so much the CONTENT of your worries and compulsions, and what they're about, as much as WHERE they're coming from and what you can do about it.

Basically, there is an "automatic gearshift" in the brain that is responsible for filtering thoughts. In a person with OCD, the gearshift is stuck, and not working properly. This is what gets you stuck on worries about whether or not the door was locked, or the stove was off, or the lights were out, and the anxiety begins to build, and you begin to worry that something terrible is going to happen if you don't do a compulsion (such as going back to check everything.)

This disorder is treatable and even curable to an extent. There are many options, such as medication, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT,) CBT with the use of meds (what I'm currently doing), and counseling and so on.

If you find yourself relating to these symptoms and feelings, please do check out the book "BRAINLOCK" by Dr. Gregory M. Schwartz. It will explain in easy-to-understand terms what OCD is, and his proven four-step method for re-wiring the way your brain responds to things and situations that trigger OCD.

Now, should say that I'm not a doctor, so I can't just diagnose you with OCD, but from my own research and personal experience, it does sound like you may have at least a touch of it.

Whatever the case is, it is safe to say that you DO have anxiety, and the best course of action is to start learning about it. When you learn about what it really is, you can get control of it. Maybe you should see a doctor and explain your feelings. Do some reading on anxiety. There are different "types" of anxiety, such as a fear of leaving home and a fear of crowds (agoraphobia,) or just what they call "Generalized Anxiety Disorder" (GAD.) Then, as I said, there is Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD,) and so on. You should also note that depression sort of goes hand in hand with anxiety, so if you've been feeling depressed and lowly, it's likely that it is also tied in with your anxiety.

There is a lot to learn about anxiety/depression, and this community is an excellent place to start. Everybody here has had experience with these problems. Some of them have had the problems for a few weeks, some have had them their entire lives. I've had mine for about six years.

But there is hope, and there are so many options to deal with it. Please do ask as many questions as you want, because that's what this board is all about.

Also, feel free to send me a private message in these forums if you'd like to chat some about these things.

:)