tuffnstuff
10-12-2005, 04:50 PM
My gas tank was empty in my car. My boyfriend of 6 1/2 yrs is usually the one who fills it up for me. He knows I wont go get get gas. But this day, I needed gas, I go pick my kids up from school everyday. I did try to ask him to do it that morning but he didnt have any time. Anyway, So I get in my car and I lock my doors. I get to the gas station and I figured I would use my bank card, that way I could just be in and out and no one would see me. I could stay invisible. Well it didnt happen. I couldnt get the gas pump to work nor my bank card. I saw a lady ahead of me doing the same thing. She was closer than going going in for help, and to leave was not possible, I was stuck, one car a head of me and one close in back of me. So I went over and asked her. I was shaking and sweating, wanted to leave so bad. I wanted to throw up. Truly she was nice. She came over and was helping me, when the pump made a noise and said, to go in and get help from the manager. GREAT I was thinking. This was suppose to be an easy in and out situation to the gas station. I went in and told the guy, by now I was really hot. I was planning to never, ever come back. I was very emabarrased. He nicely came out and helped me though, filled up my tank, I thanked him and I was off. While the whole thing was going on and even after I was having a panic attack, wondering if any one could see, I thought I was going to pass out. My anxiety was so high. I was trying to be brave and go to the gas station... and then that had to happen. Why couldnt it have just gone smooth? It seems for me not alot of things do. I dont EVER go through drive throughs, the times I decide to, they never hear me, the order is not right, and I panic, panic, panic, the entire time. I wish I could feel more normal around people. I realize inside they could be feeling the same way and that they are just people to, but the other part of me usually gets a good hold and takes over. :( . I have to be careful the way I do things when I am out of the house, normally just to pick up my kids is the only place I go. There and home. Sometimes my sisters, but not often. I think I a m having a bad day with it today, because I am seeing it how it is. I usually try and ignore it. Anyway enough for now. My point to all this was, I did make it through the gas station. No body was really laughing at me, or staring, or even after me as I feel in alot of situations. I am proud of myself for going, but it maybe awhile before I do it again.