Hollywood-1987
07-28-2013, 10:14 PM
Hello, so I am a 26 year old male suffering from Severe Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Panic Disorder, Agoraphobia, Emetophobia, OCD, etc. I have had this most of my life. I didn't know what was wrong with me until a couple years ago...Just knew that I would get very nervous, sometimes for no reason at all. About 2 years ago I spoke with my doctor and he said that is sounds like I have very bad anxiety and referred me to a psychologist...Who diagnosed me with the disorders I listed above. I have tried nearly every SSRI with no help (and some made me worse). Last year I was sent to the ER 3 times, and on the 3rd time I was transferred to a larger hospital and admitted to the Impatient Psychiatric Unit for about a week. Since then my psych doc has had me on many different medications (too many to list!!!). My current medication is 4MG Klonopin daily and 1MG Lorazepam as needed. I have spent hundreds of hours researching ways to help calm my anxiety and tried them all...Meditation, Diet, Breathing Techniques, Therapy, etc but NOTHING works. My medication has nearly no affect anymore. I have panic attacks everyday, sometimes more than one a day. I don't work and spend much of the day trying to relax as much as possible and keep my mind occupied, but the anxiety is overpowering me.
I lived on my own from age 18 until 23...But had to move back to my parents home due to my anxiety getting worse and losing my job. Now, my parents are separating and I need to find a place to live again. I am on disability and can afford to live on my own...But my anxiety is so bad, just getting out of bed is extremely hard...And now I need to move...And out of state, away from my family. The reason I need to move away is because where I live now my disability benefits won't even cover the cost of a cheap apartment, let alone utilities, groceries, and other bills...But the new state is MUCH cheaper and affordable even for me.
I am also about 5'9" and doing my very best just to keep my weight above 100 lbs. I try to eat healthy and also get some high calories to increase my weight as I know it is dangerously low...But the harder I try, the more I lose.
Honestly, I just feel like giving up. In my mind, I have tried EVERY possible thing to become better over the last couple years...And in doing so, I am worse than I was. When you hit rock bottom and know you can't climb out of the hole you are in...Sometimes I feel like there is only one sure way to end this misery :(
I can't change doctors as the 2 that I have are the only ones that take my insurance.
I have thought long and hard about ways to fix this...And unfortunately there is only 1 way that keeps coming to mind.............
Anybody out there dealing with anything similar? I honestly hope nobody is going through this...But if there is, would love to hear some feedback on how you cope :/
I lived on my own from age 18 until 23...But had to move back to my parents home due to my anxiety getting worse and losing my job. Now, my parents are separating and I need to find a place to live again. I am on disability and can afford to live on my own...But my anxiety is so bad, just getting out of bed is extremely hard...And now I need to move...And out of state, away from my family. The reason I need to move away is because where I live now my disability benefits won't even cover the cost of a cheap apartment, let alone utilities, groceries, and other bills...But the new state is MUCH cheaper and affordable even for me.
I am also about 5'9" and doing my very best just to keep my weight above 100 lbs. I try to eat healthy and also get some high calories to increase my weight as I know it is dangerously low...But the harder I try, the more I lose.
Honestly, I just feel like giving up. In my mind, I have tried EVERY possible thing to become better over the last couple years...And in doing so, I am worse than I was. When you hit rock bottom and know you can't climb out of the hole you are in...Sometimes I feel like there is only one sure way to end this misery :(
I can't change doctors as the 2 that I have are the only ones that take my insurance.
I have thought long and hard about ways to fix this...And unfortunately there is only 1 way that keeps coming to mind.............
Anybody out there dealing with anything similar? I honestly hope nobody is going through this...But if there is, would love to hear some feedback on how you cope :/