Weird thoughts and feelings

[JoeyLowtown]

Hey ppl, Ive been feeling ok for a week or so, since I last posted. I'd allowed myself two weeks off work as a healing process, I was due to go back today but my car broke. So had to delay until tomorrow. Also I've moved house over the weekend. I've felt very anxious yesterday and today and barely slept last night. Ive been having really strange thoughts.

Basically if I read anything in the news such as somebody dying horrifically or about a murder/suicide. I always wonder how that person felt and fear im going to end up the same. Like if a person commits suicide I wonder that if they once felt like I do and just couldnt overcome it. Thing is I kno these thoughts are irrational because I wanna be alive and I'm a very gentle friendly person. But I fear that Im just gonna flip out with pressure one day? I kno there's no reason why I will. The other thing I fear is psychotic disorders and fear I'd rather kill myself than risk hurting anything or anyone else.

Im taking 0.25 of dothiepin once a day and trying to deal with anxiety by not fighting it. I was ok for a week or two but no it seems to be building back up and I think like maybe my body just aint acceptin the meds and if my dose increased I'd be ok for a week or two more then itd just happen again and so on until there's no hope. All i tend to see is the negatives and i fear dying etc when really I just crave to be a normal person with a famil, steady job etc HAPPY

Do any of you feel jealous of your friends etc who do not suffer? Like kinda think why me?

[Mark05]

Hey ppl, Ive been feeling ok for a week or so, since I last posted. I'd allowed myself two weeks off work as a healing process, I was due to go back today but my car broke. So had to delay until tomorrow. Also I've moved house over the weekend. I've felt very anxious yesterday and today and barely slept last night. Ive been having really strange thoughts.

Basically if I read anything in the news such as somebody dying horrifically or about a murder/suicide. I always wonder how that person felt and fear im going to end up the same. Like if a person commits suicide I wonder that if they once felt like I do and just couldnt overcome it. Thing is I kno these thoughts are irrational because I wanna be alive and I'm a very gentle friendly person. But I fear that Im just gonna flip out with pressure one day? I kno there's no reason why I will. The other thing I fear is psychotic disorders and fear I'd rather kill myself than risk hurting anything or anyone else.

Im taking 0.25 of dothiepin once a day and trying to deal with anxiety by not fighting it. I was ok for a week or two but no it seems to be building back up and I think like maybe my body just aint acceptin the meds and if my dose increased I'd be ok for a week or two more then itd just happen again and so on until there's no hope. All i tend to see is the negatives and i fear dying etc when really I just crave to be a normal person with a famil, steady job etc HAPPY

Do any of you feel jealous of your friends etc who do not suffer? Like kinda think why me?

Gday,

I just replied to your other post too. Hang in there. This is normal thinking when your in this state. I read the paper sometimes and start feeaking out about all sorts of stuff aswell. Go back to basic and take it easy. Try and see the positives rather than the negatives. I know its really hard but try and see them. Think of the fun time you have with mates etc.

I too have thought my mates are lucky and dont have any issues. Believe me my friend thats so untrue. Youd be suprised what some ppl can hide. Dont compare yourself to others. This is you going through these problems and not your friends.

Keep your head up!

[fearnesska]

I've never posted on here before but I felt I should respond because the fears and thought patterns you have describe are very similar to my own. And I know its comforting to realise your not the only person having these irrational thoughts especially when everyone around you seems so "normal". Ok so this is my story in a nut shell...

I'm pretty sure i've always been an excessive worrier, even as a young child I used to fret if my mum was late to pick me up from school I was sure that something bad must have happened to her, like she was in a fatal car accident or she had been murdered by a serial killer.

In my late teens I started taking ectasy quite frequently, one night I was at a nightclub with my friends and I just flipped out. My heart wouldnt stop racing, my eyesight was blurry and I couldnt sit still (In hindsight I realise this was the start of my panic and GAD disorder). At the time I was convinced I'd had a stroke or a tumour was growing inside my head or that the drug had somehow caused a neurological disorder.

Only after months and months of going to different doctors and getting nowhere I demanded to have an MRI scan. Of course everything was normal and this somehow put my worries at ease. Emotionally things went back to normal. I started my university degree, moved in with my boyfriend etc.....life was good.

And then everything came crashing down one horrible day in 2005. I was working in administration at a "Mood disorder clinic" (I know - a stupid place for someone as sensitive as myself to be anywhere near but at the time I didnt realise I actually had a problem). Anyway while I was working there a lady who I'd sort of come to know committed suicide. She had some mental health issues, im not exactly sure of the nature of her problem as I wasnt involved in the clinical side of things but I became fixated on trying to understand what could possibly have brought this person to end their life.

Anyway needless to say it freaked me out completely! I had to leave the job because the thought of going there would send me into a panic. This spiralled into thoughts of "what if I end up like her". I was so agitated by this that I couldnt sleep, eat or carry on with any part of my daily life. I felt somehow I was going to die spontaneously from this feeling or if I was left alone something would make me kill myself.... what that "something" was I was never really sure of but I was so so anxious that anything and everything was a possibility.

My mum and my boyfriend had to take time off from work to look after me. After a week or so of the situation not improving, mum had the local mental health crisis team come out to see me. Their solution was Zoloft and stillnox (sleeping tablets) and CBT.


Eventaully the symtoms and the bad thoughts subsided and my mind gradually returned to thinking about normal everyday things but since then I've had several other episodes similar to this. These episodes have usually been triggered by hearing that a friend of a friend has committed suicide or maybe a story on the news such as a horrific murder and once again the anxiety feelings resurface.

Recently I was convinced that I had Schizophrenia mainly because I found out someone I vaguely know has it. I've not actually had any delusions or hallucinations, it was just that I thought it could possibly account for my excessive worry and irrational thinking at times. I was also worried that if I became psychotic I might harm someone close to me, which is the most frightening feeling i've had to date.

These episodes which I liken to a virus usually only last about 2 wks and eventually I can talk myself out of the cycle. However, im not yet at the point where im confident they will never return but I live in hope that my overactive imagination will eventually start focusing on lifes brighter side and enjoying what brief time we have here on this earth.

x

[JoeyLowtown]

Hey thanks for the reply. I've been doing some research and apparantely these thoughts are pretty common. Reading your story about the ecstasy is very similar to mine. I've been convinced of neurological damage. I haven't had an MRI, but ive thought of one, but like you I know it would come back fine.
I really think I need CBT however my GP hasnt even mentioned it to me. Im on meds only a very light dosage. I feel that the health system here in UK is a bit of a farce where anxiety is concerned. I went to the doctors a month ago and was referred to see a counsellor or psychologis I dont even know what and still haven't seen one yet. It disgusts me really!
The thoughts are very scary. I can relate to the fact that Ive been nervous all my life also. I used to cry if I was out my parents site as a kid, like going to school for the first few years. When we holidayed Id think my parents would leave me there, I feared being abducted etc. Its only now im realising Ive always been nervous and a worrier. However I wouldnt say Ive always been depressed! I really dont want to die so suicidal thoughts are so irrational!

[Robbed]

Wierd, scary thoughts are actually a normal part of anxiety disorders. You have to understand what is going on here. Under normal circumstances, we actually CAN have some pretty weird thoughts. Thoughts of alein abductions, losing it and hurting a friend, or being sliced up with a knife come to mind from time to time. But during normal circumstances, our brain handles such thoughts MUCH differently. For instance, thoughts of alien abductions might bring to mind an interesting sci-fi story or make you think about how you might actually try to escape if something like this should happen to you (ie making up a sci-fi scenario on your own). And thoughts of hurting a friend or being cut up are normally just dismissed as nonsense and allowed to pass without distress. You then go about your normal life. And such thoughts return only quite rarely.

But things are different when an anxiety disorder comes into the picture. Anxiety makes many things MUCH more fearful. As a result, the thought of, say, being abducted by aliens starts to feel like a VERY scary and (possibly) VERY real possibility. Thoughts of hurting someone or mutilation become similarly scary. Thoughts such as hurting a friend can seem especially scary since you might feel that you are quite capable of doing it because you are 'mentally ill'. When thoughts start to seem REALLY scary, the brain takes note. It takes note of this because it perceives these thoughts as REAL threats. And when this happens, the thoughts tend to 'stick' and return often. It's kind of like the way that you might constantly think about the threat of a hard exam. This tendency for thoughts to scare and return often can make them seem even MORE scary, since you may become more afraid of the thoughts as being a sign of having a severe mental illness than you are of the actual content of the thought (ie you know you won't hurt your friend, but the fact that the thought keeps recurring makes you scared of what is wrong with you). This is what can cause obsessions of this type to occur with anxiety problems (obsessions involving scary, intrusive thoughts seem to be more common with general anxiety than cleaning or checking obsessions).

So what to do about it? As with most anxiety symptoms, the best way to deal with it is to accept the fact that you are having these thoughts, try not to react to them with fear as best as you can, and let them pass on their own (rather than trying to force them away). Also, don't try to replace them with more positive thoughts, as this does not work well with obsessive type thoughts (this is but one way that traditional CBT is just SO unsuited for the treatment of anxiety). Just let them pass on their own. When you lose the fear of these thoughts, they have no reason to return (except maybe rarely). Just keep in mind, though, that like dealing with anxiety in general, you will not be able to deal with this overnight. It will take some time (and we are probably talking about weeks to months here). Just be patient and stick with it. Also realize that things will get worse on occasions, and possibly for days or weeks at a time. This is just the way things seem to work with recovery from anxiety and depression.

As for the health care system being a farce when it comes to anxiety, welcome to the club. Things are no better here in the states. Our health care system seems to revolve around SSRIs when it comes to anxiety. GPs and psychiatrists try to shove them down your throat. And even psychologists (who can't prescribe) tend to twist your arm to try to get you on the stuff. I should also mentin that psychologists are fighting tooth and nail here for the right to prescribe. That's how obsessed our health care system is with antidepressants. And CBT is VERY misused here. Here in the states CBT seems to mean traditional CBT (ie replacing negative thoughts). And traditional CBT does VERY little to help with anxiety (which tends to be mostly 'free-floating' rather than thought-provoked). Te whole idea of acceptance (which is probably the BEST way to deal with anxiety) is almot completely foreign here.

As for feeling envious of people who don't have anxiety, this is VERY common. I have felt it myself. But as I recover, I feel it less and less. It's still there from time to time. And it probably will be to some degree until this whole thing blows over completely.

[Mark05]

Wierd, scary thoughts are actually a normal part of anxiety disorders. You have to understand what is going on here. Under normal circumstances, we actually CAN have some pretty weird thoughts. Thoughts of alein abductions, losing it and hurting a friend, or being sliced up with a knife come to mind from time to time. But during normal circumstances, our brain handles such thoughts MUCH differently. For instance, thoughts of alien abductions might bring to mind an interesting sci-fi story or make you think about how you might actually try to escape if something like this should happen to you (ie making up a sci-fi scenario on your own). And thoughts of hurting a friend or being cut up are normally just dismissed as nonsense and allowed to pass without distress. You then go about your normal life. And such thoughts return only quite rarely.

But things are different when an anxiety disorder comes into the picture. Anxiety makes many things MUCH more fearful. As a result, the thought of, say, being abducted by aliens starts to feel like a VERY scary and (possibly) VERY real possibility. Thoughts of hurting someone or mutilation become similarly scary. Thoughts such as hurting a friend can seem especially scary since you might feel that you are quite capable of doing it because you are 'mentally ill'. When thoughts start to seem REALLY scary, the brain takes note. It takes note of this because it perceives these thoughts as REAL threats. And when this happens, the thoughts tend to 'stick' and return often. It's kind of like the way that you might constantly think about the threat of a hard exam. This tendency for thoughts to scare and return often can make them seem even MORE scary, since you may become more afraid of the thoughts as being a sign of having a severe mental illness than you are of the actual content of the thought (ie you know you won't hurt your friend, but the fact that the thought keeps recurring makes you scared of what is wrong with you). This is what can cause obsessions of this type to occur with anxiety problems (obsessions involving scary, intrusive thoughts seem to be more common with general anxiety than cleaning or checking obsessions).

So what to do about it? As with most anxiety symptoms, the best way to deal with it is to accept the fact that you are having these thoughts, try not to react to them with fear as best as you can, and let them pass on their own (rather than trying to force them away). Also, don't try to replace them with more positive thoughts, as this does not work well with obsessive type thoughts (this is but one way that traditional CBT is just SO unsuited for the treatment of anxiety). Just let them pass on their own. When you lose the fear of these thoughts, they have no reason to return (except maybe rarely). Just keep in mind, though, that like dealing with anxiety in general, you will not be able to deal with this overnight. It will take some time (and we are probably talking about weeks to months here). Just be patient and stick with it. Also realize that things will get worse on occasions, and possibly for days or weeks at a time. This is just the way things seem to work with recovery from anxiety and depression.

As for the health care system being a farce when it comes to anxiety, welcome to the club. Things are no better here in the states. Our health care system seems to revolve around SSRIs when it comes to anxiety. GPs and psychiatrists try to shove them down your throat. And even psychologists (who can't prescribe) tend to twist your arm to try to get you on the stuff. I should also mentin that psychologists are fighting tooth and nail here for the right to prescribe. That's how obsessed our health care system is with antidepressants. And CBT is VERY misused here. Here in the states CBT seems to mean traditional CBT (ie replacing negative thoughts). And traditional CBT does VERY little to help with anxiety (which tends to be mostly 'free-floating' rather than thought-provoked). Te whole idea of acceptance (which is probably the BEST way to deal with anxiety) is almot completely foreign here.

As for feeling envious of people who don't have anxiety, this is VERY common. I have felt it myself. But as I recover, I feel it less and less. It's still there from time to time. And it probably will be to some degree until this whole thing blows over completely.

Hey Robbed,

Thats an interesting view. Your so true in the whole thought process you speak about. I tend to get my self in a tangle by becoming attached to those thoughouts and giving them significants. This is wrong but im learing very hard to try to let them pass or just watch them without panicing or getting anxious about them.

Cheers
Mark

[Richard77]

I take it that SSRI's do help though as a support to get through.

I think the main problem with me is my diet I've been looking at it over the last year and its not good at all. Been eating alot of junk food containing hardly any nutrients really.

I just can't wait for the day when I can just relax again and think about normal stuff again and not silly thoughts about been on a planet in the middle of a massive galaxy.

I wondered if get interested in what Im thinking would help ie get a telescope or join a club.

Rich

[Robbed]

I take it that SSRI's do help though as a support to get through.

The BIGGEST problem with SSRIs is their 'hit and miss' nature. They actually can greatly help some. But for others, they are pure misery. Side effects can be quite bothersome and debilitating for many, and can actually INCREASE depression and anxiety. The WORST thing about this is that the response of MANY doctors in these situations is to INCREASE the dosage. Also, withdrawal can be REALLY bad for around 33% of all people who take SSRIs. It is for these reasons that I am not a big fan of SSRIs. I've just seen TOO many bad experiences among people I know. I believe that they should NEVER be considered as a first-line treatment.