Low mood bringing on anxiety again

[Peak]

I'm going through something at the moment which is a bit stressful but it's more that it's both disappointing, unnecessary and irritating and that is making me feel down. The trouble is the lower I feel the more my anxiety comes into play. I'm trying to be positive, trying not to dwell on things but I'm also feeling very isolated as the people that would normally be able to help me with this situation I'm in aren't around at the moment. I know anxiety and depression can almost go hand in hand and I certainly wouldn't say that I suffer from real depression, just that there are times when I think "not again" and "why me?", "I can't deal with this again" etc

In the past I've had strong feelings and desires to just chuck everything in. Sell the house, give up work, pack a single bag and go off with my wife and start again somewhere else. I know that this is just running away from my problems instead of facing up to them. I kinda feel like that again in regards to this situation, I feel like giving up, chucking it all in and turning my back on it all but I also know that I shouldn't do this as others would suffer and ultimately it's not what I want. Trouble is that then makes me feel trapped and that makes me feel down and then the anxiety starts.

I'm doing okay at the moment but I also know that I could so easily fall. It's almost as if I'm standing on the edge of a cliff and if I just shuffle forward a couple of steps I'll fall off the edge. I keep trying to take a step back but there's this great force pushing me so it takes all my effort just to stand perfectly still, not getting ay closer to the cliffs edge but not getting further from it too and the longer it goes on the less energy I have to fight back.

[Peak]

Feeling absolutely crushed right now as someone i thought I could rely on, trust and who i thought was a friend has just turned on me. Feeling utterly alone, vulnerable and anxiety levels racing :(

[futurebound]

Peak, anxiety can be a cruel and callous monster! Although I know a fair bit about mental health, and how to deal with issues of anxiety and ruminating thoughts, I still get days like you describe. Today has been a very hard day for me too, which was precipitated by taking 2mg Lorazepam last night which triggered off the most intense levels of anxiety, ruminating thoughts and physiological symptoms. When in the vicious cycle of anxiety it can be very hard to break out from it, but YOU CAN DO IT!

Seeing beyond anxiety and negative thoughts can be very very hard indeed, and at the time it feels as if you are never going to recover or be 'normal'. But I want to say this; you are a strong person for being able to deal with your anxiety and its horrible effects! Even if you think you are not in control and that your life is in danger, well guess what, it isn't and you are the controller, not the anxiety.

Talking to those who go through the same issue helps me so much, and I hope it helps you too. Sometimes our support network lets us down which makes it even more harder, and that is something that anxiety will deffo feed on to in an attempt to make you feel worse.

[Peak]

Thank you so much for your reply futurebound. Your kind and true words mean a lot and have lifted me this morning after what seemed like a particularly dark night.

I know that the next few weeks are going to be very testing and difficult and that is going to be difficult enough to deal with but it's also the fear of how that difficulty will make me feel in terms of my anxiety that makes it all seem so much worse. Essentially the fear of anxiety is making me anxious!

I know I have to get through this. I think I actually do know I can but I so, so, so don't want to have to.

[futurebound]

Thank you so much for your reply futurebound. Your kind and true words mean a lot and have lifted me this morning after what seemed like a particularly dark night.

I know that the next few weeks are going to be very testing and difficult and that is going to be difficult enough to deal with but it's also the fear of how that difficulty will make me feel in terms of my anxiety that makes it all seem so much worse. Essentially the fear of anxiety is making me anxious!

I know I have to get through this. I think I actually do know I can but I so, so, so don't want to have to.

I'm so glad :) I had a bad night too, finally went to sleep at 4, but guess what? I won't let it beat me, and it wont beat you, because u are going to destroy the hell out of it! Despite my lack of sleep, anxiety and thoughts I have still gone to work, although very difficult. You are not alone.

I've been given a script for escitalopram but I'm trying to hold off, so my anxiety is epic ATM! It's like u say, the fear of anxiety makes it so much more worse and unbearable, but u have coped up until now, and I'm fairly certain u will continue to cope. Remember, anxiety is a state of the mind and ultimately we control it; even though we feel it controls us!

Positive reinforcement is an amazing thing, and just remember, anxiety is no different to any other physical/mental condition. Do not be ashamed of yourself, be proud of the battle that u have so bravely been fighting :) Just keep in your mind that this battle WILL be won by YOU!

[Peak]

You should be a motivational speaker! Your words have really lifted me and for that I thank you. I like what you say about anxiety being a state of mind that we control, that's a very good thing to remember as often it really does feel like it controls me/us.

I really do hope you too are able to fight your anxiety and win that fight. I would say, based on what you have said, that you most definitely have the strength and self belief to do so and I wish you every success. I understand why you are trying to hold off taking escitalopram. I haven't been prescribed any such medication yet thankfully. My GP did discuss the possibility of me going on something similar but I said that I preferred not to as I felt as though if I couldn't beat it without meds than I'd never actually beat it. That said there are times when I wish I hadn't been so stubborn :D

Thanks again for your kind words and good luck with your battle. I hope one day I can offer you similar encouragement but also hope there is never the need to do so.

[futurebound]

Kind words :) Today was a very bad as I barely had any sleep, and If I'm to be honest, I had a mini-meltdown at work; but i am not ashamed of it, and i accept it for what it is. This is just a challenge that life is throwing at us, possibly because life deems us to be the most fittest hence giving us the 'anxiety test' ;) good way to think of it eh!

That is a good mind set to have in trying to utilise alternative methods to meds, and I would definitely hold on to it. But it's worth remembering that anxiety/depression is essentially a chemical imbalance which is usually precipitated by social circumstances/life changes/crisis. Depending on the person and their anxiety, one can find SSRI + CBT to be incredibly effective, and I was actually on escitalopram last year for 6 weeks and, against doctors advice, I gradually reduced it whilst using CBT and neuro linguistic programming (have a google), but also one has to remember that they need to address the issues in their past and present life.

Ultimately, medication is like a band-aid that restores our motivation and reduces our levels of anxiety, but it's important to understand the concept of our bio-psychosocial status, and how this affects the way in which we think, feel and behave.

All the best :)