Relationship problems crying uncontrollably

[brookie93]

So I trust my fiancé very much but after what I just saw I'm having a bad panic attack. We share an iPhone that is currently not in use for Internet and I was looking up my daughters drs number but went to take care of her so it locked and when I went back to unloc k it it went straight to his Facebook and to his messages because his friend had messaged him.. I wasn't snooping until I saw he had been messaging a girl who flirts with him all of the time and wasn't supposed to be speaking too.. So I looked and it turns out he's been cheating on me. If I didn't look I would have never known there were no signs of it and now I feel like I don't even want to live.. What should I do?..

[JLBnole68]

First, he doesn't define your value as a human being nor should he define your reason for wanting to live. I'm sorry your hurting so much. It's a terrible thing when someone completely violates your trust. However, consider yourself fortunate that you discovered his true nature BEFORE you walked down the aisle. Trust me. People like this don't usually change. Fact is, you'll probably never trust him again. But DON'T let this drag you down to the point of such despair that you don't want to live. Indeed, you do. Why? Because their ARE good people in the world who can love you and be faithful. Be grateful and count your blessings you found out about this one sooner rather than later. I'm truly sorry to hear this. I've been down this path myself. Don't let this define you, your self-esteem or your sense of dignity and self-worth.

[brookie93]

First, he doesn't define your value as a human being nor should he define your reason for wanting to live. I'm sorry your hurting so much. It's a terrible thing when someone completely violates your trust. However, consider yourself fortunate that you discovered his true nature BEFORE you walked down the aisle. Trust me. People like this don't usually change. Fact is, you'll probably never trust him again. But DON'T let this drag you down to the point of such despair that you don't want to live. Indeed, you do. Why? Because their ARE good people in the world who can love you and be faithful. Be grateful and count your blessings you found out about this one sooner rather than later. I'm truly sorry to hear this. I've been down this path myself. Don't let this define you, your self-esteem or your sense of dignity and self-worth.

Thank you , it just sucks because we have almost been together for two years and we have a daughter together. He's done something like this once and then cried and promised to never do it again.. It's been awhile since then and it was going great till I saw this, I am not going to kill myself but it just makes me feel like shit.. He tells me he loves me everyday and how beautiful I am all the time.. I don't understand why he would do this to me especially since we have a child together and he knows how bad my depression and anxiety has been

[JLBnole68]

Wow. Well I'm not trying to coax you into making any decisions you aren't ready to make, but just as an objective observer, nobody deserves to live in mental abuse. That's exactly what this is, and to me, it's every bit as bad as physical abuse. I understand that the decision is even tougher now that you have a daughter, but I personally wouldn't let that factor into my decision to find happiness with someone who can love you and be faithful. I know you feel like shit right now. I've been there and I really sympathize. I know what it feels like. But have you considered that even though you worked things out once, he might be a big source of your anxiety? Honestly, when trust is breeched, even once, it's hard to not worry that it'll never happen again. That underlying worry, no matter how much you feel it might have been put behind you, can rear its ugly head in the form of anxiety and depression. It sounds like you need to heal. It's hard to imagine that you will now that a pattern of unfaithfulness has been uncovered. Is that really a way to find peace, love and stability in your life? I doubt it. As hard as it was, I had to eliminate a relationship that lasted nearly 6 years for just this very thing. I came to realize that the problem wasn't me. I lived up to my commitment. It was the other person. And I didn't need to live with carrying around that low self-esteem, the constant worry and the mistrust for the rest of my life. Yes, you want to believe that everything will be put back together after that first crying and begging forgiveness session, but the reality is that it's not. And I think a second offense pretty much seals the deal. As I said, it's just as bad as physical abuse. That's how abusers work. They do their shitty thing, then cry and beg for forgiveness and yet the cycle continues. I hope you find strength to move on and heal your mind.

[brookie93]

Wow. Well I'm not trying to coax you into making any decisions you aren't ready to make, but just as an objective observer, nobody deserves to live in mental abuse. That's exactly what this is, and to me, it's every bit as bad as physical abuse. I understand that the decision is even tougher now that you have a daughter, but I personally wouldn't let that factor into my decision to find happiness with someone who can love you and be faithful. I know you feel like shit right now. I've been there and I really sympathize. I know what it feels like. But have you considered that even though you worked things out once, he might be a big source of your anxiety? Honestly, when trust is breeched, even once, it's hard to not worry that it'll never happen again. That underlying worry, no matter how much you feel it might have been put behind you, can rear its ugly head in the form of anxiety and depression. It sounds like you need to heal. It's hard to imagine that you will now that a pattern of unfaithfulness has been uncovered. Is that really a way to find peace, love and stability in your life? I doubt it. As hard as it was, I had to eliminate a relationship that lasted nearly 6 years for just this very thing. I came to realize that the problem wasn't me. I lived up to my commitment. It was the other person. And I didn't need to live with carrying around that low self-esteem, the constant worry and the mistrust for the rest of my life. Yes, you want to believe that everything will be put back together after that first crying and begging forgiveness session, but the reality is that it's not. And I think a second offense pretty much seals the deal. As I said, it's just as bad as physical abuse. That's how abusers work. They do their shitty thing, then cry and beg for forgiveness and yet the cycle continues. I hope you find strength to move on and heal your mind.

Thank u so much it means a lot to me

[JLBnole68]

You're welcome. I'm sending you an e-hug. Here it is. ((((((( ))))))). Be strong and find happiness. You can do it.

[frankzito]

Shoot, ill give you a hug! (((((Brookie)))))), sorry about what has happened

[brookie93]

Thank you guys!

[octopus]

He sucks. Terrible evil thing to do. I don't get how someone can even do that. I feel you. Anxiety is the worse thing to have during any sort of relationship trouble.

[brookie93]

He sucks. Terrible evil thing to do. I don't get how someone can even do that. I feel you. Anxiety is the worse thing to have during any sort of relationship trouble.

Yeah :/ I have been so good to him, letting him stay with me feeding him taking him where he needs to be and stuff while he's looking for a job

[HealingTime]

Don't be a doormat. It's a bad dynamic to create.

[octopus]

I agree. Get him out of there