Stuck

[jessy]

Hi everyone, my anxiety is back in full force & depression to add into the mix.

I was doing quite well for a while & then out of no where I am back to square 1 yet again . The worst of it is I've been like this all my life (ii'm32 now) & I'm so so fed up of living like this .

I've got very dis-heartened now & I don't want to carry on . I feel so lonely but want to be alone & then I'm scared of being alone . I need company but my husband has to work & kids go to school.
I've no friends due to anxiety
So I'm very isolated & alone with this .

My husband has told me he is getting very inpatient of me & I can understand why . Who wants a anxious depressed emotional wreck as a wife .
I've no one to turn to & I feel trapped . Every morning I jolt awake & cry , I don't think I can do this for the next 40 odd years .
I've run out of options . I've had CBT & CAT , I've had many many diff meds over the years . I tried exercise but got carried away & injured myself (exercise is deff good) I just find I'm to anxious to go to the gym & I've pulled my trapezius (not sure if that's sort correctly) muscle , so I have to be careful .

I feel so lost , hate to look in the mirror , feel spaced out & I'm sick with fear , I want to climb out of my self . I'm having panic attacks on & off all day . I can't believe I'm back here again :-(

I am dreading the school holidays . I am such a mess . I'm going to the doctors today at 5pm . I hate going but I know I've not much choice . He will no doubt change my meds or up the dose . I don't really want that either though . I've found most meds to be of very little help or just make me into a zombi like state . Is that the only option? Be like this or be doped up ??

Lost all hope . I've lost a lot because of this illness & it seems its never going to let me live a normal life .
I don't know what happiness feels like . I feel so upset at the prospect of my life ahead & all I've lost so far . I also feel angry & guilty & incredibly alone
Jessy x

[em1]

Hello there yes I know it can make you feel so low and feel like you cant do this,but you CAN and you will
Get through this,I'm
Also married with two children I'm 38 if you need to talk message me :)

[krayziee]

What helped you most in the past?

[jessy]

em1 hi yes it is always good to talk to someone in the same boat , thank you .
How do you cope if you are having more & more bad days ??

Hi , in the past the only thing that's helped a little is exercise & reading a good book X

[krayziee]

Alright keep doing That, did the cbt not work at all?

[jessy]

CBT didn't help although it was a long time ago & i was very unwell at the time.
I can't exercise at the moment due to injury , but intend to get back to it . I see my g.p today at 5pm very nervous about that :-/

[jessy]

Going to the doctors at 5pm feel sick with anxiety . Hate going to the docs . Hate sitting there like a hopeless lump telling him how crap I feel , don't see the point really