I have decided....

[HealingTime]

Today I have decided I will find a way to end it. I cannot live with myself having my husband think I cheated on him. He's convinced himself and I can't convince him otherwise. I don't know when yet or entirely how.... but it's over for me. I can't live life any more. I can't care how it will affect my family. I can only find a way to end this pain I'm feeling.

[ADD]

Today I have decided I will find a way to end it. I cannot live with myself having my husband think I cheated on him. He's convinced himself and I can't convince him otherwise. I don't know when yet or entirely how.... but it's over for me. I can't live life any more. I can't care how it will affect my family. I can only find a way to end this pain I'm feeling.

Hey I'm sorry you are going through a very hard unimaginable time but " this too shall pass " and " verily with every difficulty comes ease " I can promise you. I don't know what to say in situations such as this one but I can tell you that no matter what your family does love you. Today is not the day to end anything today is the day for you to start living, start living for yourself, be selfish ( it's ok to be selfish sometimes ) :).
I don't even know you and I care for you because you are my sister in "Humanity". Again with " Every difficulty comes ease".

[str8trippin]

You are going through a very hard time, and it feels hopeless, and sometimes impossible to even understand. Stop trying to understand it because sometimes it doesn't make sense. I agree with ADD that you should look at it the opposite way, or maybe just change your perspective a little. Instead of saying you are done living and it's over, just be done living the way you are...end the pain by saying today I'm going to start living MY life! Tell your anxiety you are done letting it control you, tell your husband you are done letting him manipulate the situation...take a stand against them. I know you love your husband...but we have very little control over other people's actions, behaviors, attitudes, words, anything. We do have control of our own. This might be really corny but I've had this song by Whitesnake stuck in my head all morning and it feels really relevant:

No, I don't know where I'm going
But, I sure know where I've been
Hanging on the promises
In songs of yesterday
An' I've made up my mind,
I ain't wasting no more time
Here I go again
Here I go again

Tho' I keep searching for an answer,
I never seem to find what I'm looking for
Oh Lord, I pray
You give me strength to carry on,
'Cos I know what it means
To walk along the lonely street of dreams

An' here I go again on my own
Goin' down the only road I've ever known,
Like a drifter I was born to walk alone
An' I've made up my mind
I ain't wasting no more time

I'm just another heart in need of rescue,
Waiting on love's sweet charity
An' I'm gonna hold on
For the rest of my days,
'Cos I know what it means
To walk along the lonely street of dreams

An' here I go again on my own
Goin' down the only road I've ever known,
Like a drifter I was born to walk alone
An' I've made up my mind
I ain't wasting no more time

[HealingTime]

I'm still here but I just don't know for how long. I called a lifeline (my father). He put me back on track and promised to do whatever I need to support my decision.

My husband says he has to decide if he wants to live with the fact that "you slept with your ex and still have feelings for him" which is UNTRUE! But he's convinced himself it's true. Now what?

[str8trippin]

If it's not true, it's not true and that's that. If he's unwilling to waiver in his belief, what are you honestly going to do about it? So let him think it and it still remains to be that if it isn't true, it isn't true. All you can do is let him know that it's not and it's in his hands what he does with the information from there.

[HealingTime]

I freaking offered to take a lie detector test and he said they weren't foolproof and it was a waste of money. I offered to pay and he changed the subject. What's ThAT about?

[str8trippin]

The way I see it, that would be because he knows it's not true and is just using that as an excuse to be pissed. Obviously, if you took one and weren't lying about anything, he wouldn't have any ground to stand on with that so why would he want you to take one? It seems like he's just looking for reasons to continue being upset at you.

[HealingTime]

That's my take on it too. Wish he's grow up and get past this. Today I have a killer tension headache and wish to just sleep.

[str8trippin]

Tension headaches are absolutely the worst. I was getting them daily, but the last couple of days have been pretty good in comparison. They bother me more than almost anything else because they distract me so much and make me feel like I can't focus, concentrate, make decisions, anything. I hope you are able to find some relief from that!

[HealingTime]

I took two fiorinals and a cold compress. Got the husband to feed the animals and son to deliver meds and compress. It's a couch night for me.

[laurentellez]

Where are tension headaches?? I get headaches in back of head one sided

[HealingTime]

Where are tension headaches?? I get headaches in back of head one sided

My tension headaches are all across my forehead and my eyes. It was bad last night. The 2 pills helped a bit and I was able to sleep so-so but I suspect I'll be having more of these. As I go to bed at night I find myself tensing up and clenching my jaw. I'm very tense these days.... ugh....

[str8trippin]

Where are tension headaches?? I get headaches in back of head one sided

Mine move...sometimes they are in the back, sometimes one side only, sometimes they move to the front....but they don't feel like a traditional headache for me, they mostly just feel like pressure inside my head that is very uncomfortable and disconcerting. They are also accompanied with a lot of other tension in my neck, and sometimes my jaw because I tend to clench my teeth.