Maggie123
09-24-2007, 06:17 PM
Emotions are blessing. They help us feel and enjoy.
Extensive emotions are a curse. They rob our lives, intruding brutally in a very fragile world. And the worst thing of all - we are the burglars ourselves. And the policemen, who make an arrest because of a false alarm. And the judges. Judges who are always giving the strongest sentence.
It`s once again a little after midnight, I am sitting on my desk fighting with the insominia, trying to push aside the army of pills beside me. I am googling all kinds of potential diseases I might have - from brain tumours to meningitis and asthma. The fact is I have GAD.
Why is this happening to me?", "When is it going to end?". I am already 26 , soon 27. In 3 years 30. And I have missed all my life, while watching the rest of the world enjoying their youth, making choices and having fun. Why? Why me?
The truth is all of us - the sufferers- are hypersensitive. We are ambitious, perfectionists. We are seeing the world in a "black-and-white" manner - all or nothing. We have certain moral values - what we did was wrong, so we should punish ourselves. We are analysing nonstop. We can`t get rid of the past, we often have "flashbacks". We have a low self esteem- that`s why other`s opinion matters so much. But most of all - we are trying to control the circumsances. And that`s impossible...
So, what can we do? Think positively? Try to impose some "healthy thinking" on our deranged brain? Concentrate on the good things in our lives? Take our medicines? Go on a therapy?...Well, I don`t wanna do this all my life...
Instead I am just spending hours infront of the mirror. Looking at myself. Deep in my mind it`s a hell. Deep in my heart, i am crying for help...Then I look once again. In a different way - the way actually many people see me - a nice young woman, with a lovely bf, living in a wonderful city, with all the future infront of her. I am trying to get "ouside of myself". And to understand all the fears are unreal. There is absolutely nothing real. Just a trigger that brings the worries on the surface. But the trigger is not the gun. Nor the bullet. And we can control it. We are the ones firing at ourselves. Why?
So, infront of this mirror. Working on your self esteem is like combing your hair. Trying to leave the past aside is like putting on your lipstick. The worries and fears are like the reflection in the mirror - it`s there, but it`s not YOU! Dress the worries in a clown`s gown, put the fears on high heels, so they can stumble and fall. Make a fun of them. Laugh at them. Mock at them. The way they are laughing and mocking at you. You would be relieved. Or at least you will have tried to fly out of tyhe cuckoo`s nest...You are not your past. You are your future. Make it brilliant.
Extensive emotions are a curse. They rob our lives, intruding brutally in a very fragile world. And the worst thing of all - we are the burglars ourselves. And the policemen, who make an arrest because of a false alarm. And the judges. Judges who are always giving the strongest sentence.
It`s once again a little after midnight, I am sitting on my desk fighting with the insominia, trying to push aside the army of pills beside me. I am googling all kinds of potential diseases I might have - from brain tumours to meningitis and asthma. The fact is I have GAD.
Why is this happening to me?", "When is it going to end?". I am already 26 , soon 27. In 3 years 30. And I have missed all my life, while watching the rest of the world enjoying their youth, making choices and having fun. Why? Why me?
The truth is all of us - the sufferers- are hypersensitive. We are ambitious, perfectionists. We are seeing the world in a "black-and-white" manner - all or nothing. We have certain moral values - what we did was wrong, so we should punish ourselves. We are analysing nonstop. We can`t get rid of the past, we often have "flashbacks". We have a low self esteem- that`s why other`s opinion matters so much. But most of all - we are trying to control the circumsances. And that`s impossible...
So, what can we do? Think positively? Try to impose some "healthy thinking" on our deranged brain? Concentrate on the good things in our lives? Take our medicines? Go on a therapy?...Well, I don`t wanna do this all my life...
Instead I am just spending hours infront of the mirror. Looking at myself. Deep in my mind it`s a hell. Deep in my heart, i am crying for help...Then I look once again. In a different way - the way actually many people see me - a nice young woman, with a lovely bf, living in a wonderful city, with all the future infront of her. I am trying to get "ouside of myself". And to understand all the fears are unreal. There is absolutely nothing real. Just a trigger that brings the worries on the surface. But the trigger is not the gun. Nor the bullet. And we can control it. We are the ones firing at ourselves. Why?
So, infront of this mirror. Working on your self esteem is like combing your hair. Trying to leave the past aside is like putting on your lipstick. The worries and fears are like the reflection in the mirror - it`s there, but it`s not YOU! Dress the worries in a clown`s gown, put the fears on high heels, so they can stumble and fall. Make a fun of them. Laugh at them. Mock at them. The way they are laughing and mocking at you. You would be relieved. Or at least you will have tried to fly out of tyhe cuckoo`s nest...You are not your past. You are your future. Make it brilliant.