Ugh... Again.

[HealingTime]

I'm so nervous for my company to leave tomorrow. My husband says he plans on moving to the spare room once they leave. The past few days have seemed good but today he's gone and disappeared again and so as I got more anxious about that I took a Xanax just now. I am sick of this. He's creating the anxiety in me by acting this way. How can I keep cool and work on changing when he's like this? How can I keep from letting his actions elevate my anxiety?

[str8trippin]

This might sound cold (not towards you, just in general), but I finally had that I just don't care about anyone else right now. Not that that is actually true because it isn't, obviously...but what I mean by it is just simply that I realized I HAVE to take care of myself and not be worrying about everyone else all the time. I have a situation at my job right now where my coworker is also going through a rough time because of a work injury, and it's turned into a bit of a competition almost with both of us struggling, and one where our boss is siding with her because of the fact that her struggle is visible whereas mine is not so much. Well, not that I'm unsympathetic to her situation, but I am just as important and I finally had to make a conscious decision to just say, I'm sorry, I don't care right now because I have to take care of myself...you worry about you and I'll worry about me. Being in the position myself right now, it's probably the same attitude I'd have in your situation...I'd be saying look, it's not that I don't care about you, but do whatever you want and I'm going to take care of myself because I can't keep letting your choices or behavior affect me to the point of being completely debilitated by it.

[HealingTime]

You're right. But I can't seem to care about anything right now. Him. Me. Nothing. My son has cleaning duty this summer (no job) and even though he's not doing the best job, I really don't care. At least I don't have to do it, you know? My company has been a good distraction and my dad very insightful. They leave tomorrow and I'm sure I'll fall a bit more into depression before I can pull my way out for myself. Hubby is being an ass but really I am just numb to it all.

[MrsJ88]

You're right. But I can't seem to care about anything right now. Him. Me. Nothing. My son has cleaning duty this summer (no job) and even though he's not doing the best job, I really don't care. At least I don't have to do it, you know? My company has been a good distraction and my dad very insightful. They leave tomorrow and I'm sure I'll fall a bit more into depression before I can pull my way out for myself. Hubby is being an ass but really I am just numb to it all.

Why's he moving rooms?? He's acting like a child. He needs to get over it. You have anxiety. Big deal. Man up and take care of your wife. Sorry if that sounded harsh.

[HealingTime]

Well it's more than that, but ultimately I agree with you. He said basically he's tired of dealing with me and my lying. I lie when I feel I'm going to disappoint him. I get that now and am working with my therapist in this. But he seems out of chances for me.

I too wish he'd just suck it up and support me. But he's exhausted too. This has been going on for over 12 years. Why is he to believe this time my promise is different.

[MrsJ88]

Well it's more than that, but ultimately I agree with you. He said basically he's tired of dealing with me and my lying. I lie when I feel I'm going to disappoint him. I get that now and am working with my therapist in this. But he seems out of chances for me.

I too wish he'd just suck it up and support me. But he's exhausted too. This has been going on for over 12 years. Why is he to believe this time my promise is different.

Yeah I understand... Would it be possible for him to go to your therapist with you for a session, so he/she could better explain what you're going through from a professional standpoint?

[HealingTime]

He said he would last week.... but today he seems to be talking all about how we are going to split our assets. ;(

[defmunel]

Quite honestly thus seems like something you shouldn't be going through alone. It sounds like its to a point where you need support, and those who love you to stand by you. Do your patents know of your marital troubles?

[str8trippin]

I agree that you need some support in dealing with all of this. Also, I know that he's probably tired and frustrated after years of dealing with a situation, but at the same time, his unwillingness to be part of the process of working through a hard time troubles me. A relationship is a two-way street, and contrary to popular saying, it isn't 50/50, it's 100/100. When you marry someone, you say "for better or for worse"...not "until I decide I don't feel like dealing with it anymore and then I'm just going to pout and act out a middle school drama." There seems to be a complete disregard on his part for what you are going through, and the fact that what you need is support. His attitude about the whole situation seems so passive aggressive to me and counterproductive on top of it. And if he is really unequipped to handle it and is done with the relationship, he should be straightforward about it, willing to act like an adult, and not giving you the run around and make you feel like you don't know what is going on. Confusion is the LAST thing any of us dealing with anxiety needs, considering it can already be difficult enough to make decisions and that sort of thing. When I got married, a very good friend told me a quote, "True love consists not of gazing in each others eyes, but looking outward in the same direction." That person should be willing to stand beside you while you make your way forward!

[meshalaw]

I agree with str8trippin ur husband should stand by u my husband is always there for me the last time I dealt with anxiety and this time. I do get scared when I'm going through it that he will get fed up and decide he doesn't wanna deal with this anymore but I know he will never abandon me. I also get concerned about the effect what I am going through is having on him because he hates to see me hurting but I try hard to overcome for myself, him, and my family everyday

[HealingTime]

I don't know how to bring him back to me. He's currently washing all the linens for the spare room. He says we are in 2 different places in our lives. I disagree but my hands are tied. I'm at home... he's not here yet. But I'm desperately sad and I'm dreading seeing him. I miss him so much.

[HealingTime]

Quite honestly thus seems like something you shouldn't be going through alone. It sounds like its to a point where you need support, and those who love you to stand by you. Do your patents know of your marital troubles?

My parents do know. They left town today though. They were great support while they were here. I have a work friend that has helped me through the rougher times like last night. Without her I don't know that I would have made it through the night.