Trying to be more supportive on anxiety

[porphyry]

Hi

First things first - could you make the log in area a little more obvious - maybe I'm being silly here but had to log in in a very round the houses-type-of-way.

Anyway, hi, I am really here to look for ideas to help my wife. She started having anxiety attacks about 3 years ago and developed agraphobia, this steadily got worse, but she wouldn't see anyone - she refused to let a nurse in that I had asked to come round. It has now got to the stage where she hasn't been outside the house for 18 months.

Of course now we have some decent sunshine (uk based - so never see any) it is starting to grate on her that she can't get out of the house - not even to the garden.

So looking for some advice on what I can do to help.

[mrredwood]

Hi

I am uk based so I know what you mean about this weather we are having...I have suffered also from anxiety with agoraphobia so I know what your wife is going through..with agoraphobia you have this overwhelming fear that you can't go outside and if you do something bad will happen..I know I did...but THERE IS NOTHING out in the garden that can hurt her..people used to say to me it's in your head and I used to get angry but they were right it is in your head..it's your irrational thinking telling you that if you venture out something bad will happen..why should she not be able to lead a normal life because of some irrational thoughts stopping her..my wife who I love to bits doesn't understand one bit about my anxiety and I found that hard to deal with at first as I thought I had to fight it on my own but then I realised how could she understand something she has never suffered and something she couldn't see..it is truly a debilitating condition that has no right to take control of someone life..recovery is all about small steps,positive thinking and praise on your behalf...obviously your wife cannot be expected to go shopping on her own at the moment but her first task is be comfortable in her own garden..I was exactly the same as your wife..we're have I been all morning..in my garden relaxing and enjoying the sun..so if I can do it your wife can do it..at the moment your wife will be having so many negative thoughts so we have to turn that round and all it takes is a pencil and a notepad..it truly is that simple...starting tomorrow morning every time she has a negative thought she has to immediately write it down in her notebook then straight away underneath she has to change that negative thought into a positive statement the is truly believable...I'll give an example.. "I don't feel like getting out of bed because I know my anxiety will play up today"...now underneath I would change it to "I may not want to get up because of my anxiety but I'm going to make the effort go downstairs and look out of the window at the lovely weather,I may feel some anxiety symptoms but I'll be fine because that's all it is anxiety"...another would be "I want to go out in the garden but its impossible because I'll have a panic attack"...change it to "I know at the moment I don't feel like I can make it to the bottom of the garden nuts that's fine,I will try and stand with the back door open,I may feel dizzy or lightheaded but that's a perfectly normal symptom of anxiety that's all"...if your wife does this on a regular basis then she will get into the habit of constantly changing her negative thoughts into positive thoughts all the time..suddenly that thought she has of I can't will change to ummm maybe I can...honestly if she commits to this it will definitely work..why should she be a prisoner in her own home and whatever you do don't get angry with her...I know it's really frustrating for yourself but work as a team to get through this and before you know it you will start to see an improvement...good luck