09-22-2007, 11:50 AM
hiya all. well, joining here for me has been somewhat of a long time in the making. after visiting a couple of psychologists, psychiatrists and a neurologist i've been advised i may have add, adhd, nothing wrong with me and ill grow out of it or flat out they just don't know. seemingly it is some kind of anxiety disorder but haven't read of anything similar in any of the sites i've looked at or anything ive read of social anxiety disorder or generalised anxiety disorder. i just have no idea where im at and am hesistant to medicate when i dont really know what is wrong with me.
ok. how to describe this. two problems. the first; i feel an awareness anxiety when talking to multiple people at once, i am able to talk to one person at a time, but if multiple people are there if im looking at the one person im talking to i become aware of the other person/persons and they then enter my visual plane. i become aware of them and they in turn become aware of me being aware of them and feel uncomfortable and often shift body positions etc. this in turn has made me deal with this by not looking at people for prolonged periods or constantly moving and looking around at other points as this jolts my focus to what im doing or what im looking at. this 'awareness anxiety' as i have dubbed it extends to sitting next to someone watching a movie. i lose focus of the movie and become aware of the person next to me, if i sit there and try and ride it out this in turn makes them aware, anxious paranoid feeling for me throughout, problem repeats itself. if i move when i start feeling or thinking this it is ok as am able to refocus but find myself moving every minute or so which is obviously not a comfortable relaxing experience. similarly if i move around and look around etc im able to talk to multiple people without the anxious feeling but the awareness of individuals again becomes inevitable. that is the gist of my first problem. obviously this precludes me from any kind of lasting social interaction and have hence hermitted it up the last couple of years since this has started.
second problem is more severe of late and thats when i often am relaxed or seemingly and day dream off and start thinking of something when the thoughts change to something else, or when the thought pattern changes direction other people become aware of this and cough, move or adjust themselves which in turn gives me an anxious paranoid type feeling and prevents me from just thinking outside whatever it is im thinking. this happens sometimes as thoughts often meander and this in turns creates this awareness from the other person. just sitting in a bus staring out the window the other day thinking about whatever and the bus driver kept quickly nervously moving his head around. this sends paranoid waves into me and made the entire trip horrible for both involved. strangely the person doesnt even need to be near me. i recently was overseas and when sitting in my room by myself ppl training in an outdoor gym would cough constantly when i had these 'thought jolts'. what the hell is that about. it isnt paranoia as the psychologist who i first saw thought who suggested it was something ild grow out of. it has been tried and tested multiple times a day with multiple people thousands and thousands of times over the previous few years. i wish it were paranoia. i sit next to someone at work, not anymore as im quitting, who coughs constantly because of this problem. it is a nightmare spectacle. the only time i have any let up from either of these problems is when i get drunk (not just pissed but drunk) or when im on certain amphetamines (they relax me), although ive only had amphetamines maybe 10 times and i dont like to drink. and neither is clearly a viable solution. this is why the adhd psychiatrist i saw thought i have adhd. adhd patients often feel relaxed when they have speed. i do seem to fit all the symptoms of adhd but i have massive anxiety paranoid acid feeling throughout my body when all this social activity occurs. so maybe it is a form of social anxiety disorder. but the thought jolts that i have isnt social at all. i can be sitting in my room bymyself and someone will cough when i have these jolts or changes of thought. is horrible, painful and close to unbearable as i cannot socialise, have a girlfriend, work, or really do anything. im going to post this on a few boards and try and get some direction on what kind of problem this really is and whether i should just get straight on the meds or what. ild prefer not as i need to know what the hell is going on. no one else seems to have this problem. any advise or direction or anything would be appreciated. cheers
heraclitus
ok. how to describe this. two problems. the first; i feel an awareness anxiety when talking to multiple people at once, i am able to talk to one person at a time, but if multiple people are there if im looking at the one person im talking to i become aware of the other person/persons and they then enter my visual plane. i become aware of them and they in turn become aware of me being aware of them and feel uncomfortable and often shift body positions etc. this in turn has made me deal with this by not looking at people for prolonged periods or constantly moving and looking around at other points as this jolts my focus to what im doing or what im looking at. this 'awareness anxiety' as i have dubbed it extends to sitting next to someone watching a movie. i lose focus of the movie and become aware of the person next to me, if i sit there and try and ride it out this in turn makes them aware, anxious paranoid feeling for me throughout, problem repeats itself. if i move when i start feeling or thinking this it is ok as am able to refocus but find myself moving every minute or so which is obviously not a comfortable relaxing experience. similarly if i move around and look around etc im able to talk to multiple people without the anxious feeling but the awareness of individuals again becomes inevitable. that is the gist of my first problem. obviously this precludes me from any kind of lasting social interaction and have hence hermitted it up the last couple of years since this has started.
second problem is more severe of late and thats when i often am relaxed or seemingly and day dream off and start thinking of something when the thoughts change to something else, or when the thought pattern changes direction other people become aware of this and cough, move or adjust themselves which in turn gives me an anxious paranoid type feeling and prevents me from just thinking outside whatever it is im thinking. this happens sometimes as thoughts often meander and this in turns creates this awareness from the other person. just sitting in a bus staring out the window the other day thinking about whatever and the bus driver kept quickly nervously moving his head around. this sends paranoid waves into me and made the entire trip horrible for both involved. strangely the person doesnt even need to be near me. i recently was overseas and when sitting in my room by myself ppl training in an outdoor gym would cough constantly when i had these 'thought jolts'. what the hell is that about. it isnt paranoia as the psychologist who i first saw thought who suggested it was something ild grow out of. it has been tried and tested multiple times a day with multiple people thousands and thousands of times over the previous few years. i wish it were paranoia. i sit next to someone at work, not anymore as im quitting, who coughs constantly because of this problem. it is a nightmare spectacle. the only time i have any let up from either of these problems is when i get drunk (not just pissed but drunk) or when im on certain amphetamines (they relax me), although ive only had amphetamines maybe 10 times and i dont like to drink. and neither is clearly a viable solution. this is why the adhd psychiatrist i saw thought i have adhd. adhd patients often feel relaxed when they have speed. i do seem to fit all the symptoms of adhd but i have massive anxiety paranoid acid feeling throughout my body when all this social activity occurs. so maybe it is a form of social anxiety disorder. but the thought jolts that i have isnt social at all. i can be sitting in my room bymyself and someone will cough when i have these jolts or changes of thought. is horrible, painful and close to unbearable as i cannot socialise, have a girlfriend, work, or really do anything. im going to post this on a few boards and try and get some direction on what kind of problem this really is and whether i should just get straight on the meds or what. ild prefer not as i need to know what the hell is going on. no one else seems to have this problem. any advise or direction or anything would be appreciated. cheers
heraclitus