My story

[anxietygirl]

Hi Everyone,

I'm in my mid 20's. From age 11 to the present, I've always suffered from anxiety......in the younger years, I had no idea why I felt the way I felt. But I remember times when it was really bad & as I got older I realized how to help myself with self help books, talking to friends, family about it or talk myself into rational thinking. I can think very irrational...isn't that what a lot of anxiety stems from?

I still have my bad days and than I have my anxiety free rational days.
It is a fact of life that we all worry about some things....to the regular person..its a good worry for example...watching what you eat.....street smarts...etc.

Than there's the out of control worry which has really gotten out of line for me lately. Lots of my worry is about health. I try my best to think the WORST.....and keep on thinking it on purpose.....almost like I do that so it will prevent bad news from happening....If I worry it won't happen. How many of you do that? How do you stop that thought process?

Just recently I was at work unloading boxes. I was using a scissor to cut a box open, the scissor slices my finger. Than my co-worker says to me....hey that happened to me too with that stupid scissor you better get tested haha! (like 5 minutes ago or so)

I begin to panic.....the heart starts racing ......I'm running around to try to find a darn bandaid and alcohol...10 minutes pass still panicing......and feeling as if the world is going to end because now what if that person had something ...aids, hepatitis ? if he cut his hand on it 5 minutes ago.....what if there was blood on the object and it got into my cut...what is that chance of that? what if the blood dried up already? So its been about 6 months since this happened I'm still WORRIED and upset about it. I have convinced myself that I'm going to get sick and I'm worried sick. Now a normal rational person would think"hey that stinks....let me get a bandaid and go back to work"

Can someone tell me to calm down? :(

[ImatypeA]

Glad you joined. I can understand your concern over your co-worker's thoughtless remark. If he said it (even as a joke) you have every right to ask him if he was serious about it or truly just joking. If you know him to be a truthful person, then let his answer guide your next step. In the meantime, until you can ask him about his remark, relax - don't prepare for the worst - I tell my sister (and myself) that this type of thinking is like preparing for a physical battle everyday - it takes such a physical and mental toll.

I am not great at it, but I always try to think of the next fun thing I am going to do whenever I start to do negative what if worrying. But it sure is hard sometimes!!! Planning is good - fretting disguised as planning is just draining and actually makes us less able to cope with life.

So ask him what he meant, tell him you didn't think it was funny in this day and age, and then take a deep breath and think about the next fun thing you're going to do!

[anxietygirl]

Thank you for replying to my post :)

Thing is I really feel silly asking him about this incident that happened about 4-5 months ago. He's going to think I'm nuts! :(

It was definelty a thoughtless remark and a stupid thing to say isn't it?
Honestly, I don't think I can trust him.....he's in his 40's has a wife...3 little kids....successful job etc. etc.....and if I go up to him and ask him about the remark I can tell you one thing he will probaly laugh at me :(

Do you think I should just let this go.....my mom said your being silly your not going to get sick! But I just can't let it go!! I really can't no one understands me.....I have a serious phobia. Does this sound like more of a serious problem on a deeper level...or would a normal thinking person think they could get infected with a disease by getting a papercut like cut from a scissor than the coworker says I got cut by that thing too....5-10 mintues before it happened to me. What is the chance...should I ask a doctor what the chance of becoming infecting with something deadly is... I'm loosing sleep over this :(

[RSherman86]

the best way to deal with anxiety is knowledge, you have to know what your up against in order to deal with it properly. You should most definately goto the doctors and have some blood work done, to ease your nerves. Your fear of getting something in my opinion is a legitamite idea. But like you said your self, it is a little irrational, 2 years ago i would have felt the same way and had the same reaction. now i would hope for the best and goto the doctors.

Ross

[ImatypeA]

I think the chance of you getting anything is extremely small. But it is worrying you to pieces. I agree that if it has been 4 to 5 months of worry and you can't stop thinking about it, explain how crazy this had made you feel inside to your mom (not just that you concernedand go to the doctor.

I think the level of your worry is more what needs to be addressed by the doctor. Lay it all out for him or her and let the doctor help you.

Worrying about disease and dying is a VERY common anxiety symptom - and btw, anxiety isn't always about stress. It can be just brain chemistry - we are all made a little bit differently.

It took me 15 years of worrying about having some fatal disease to tell my mother - I thought she would think I was just silly. I felt like an idiot going to the doctor (and scared to death). I took my best friend - not my mother - and she helped me through the doctor's visit. He told me I wasn't dying and said I needed to be evaluated by a psychiatrist for anxiety disorder. Since then, I have had a better perspective on my irrational thoughts and fears.

I hope you can do this (get to a doctor) and not spend as many years as I did with needless worry - it really was a drag.

[anxietygirl]

Some days I'm fine other days I'm a mess!! I hide it well.
Last night I couldn't sleep at all, than my stomach was turning, and heart racing....this is a normal occurance.

I even called up a nurse to ask...she said highly unlikely. I still am not convinced that I'm okay.....I have convinced myself that I'm doomed bascially....where did this thinking come from? I'm a very happy person but sometimes the anxiety just gets a hold of me and doesn't let go!

Websites are the absoluetly worse thing for me I can spend hours & hours researching things that I'm phobic about and I'm just wasting time, wasting my life away on WORRY......I'm no longer reaching any goals.........what if's.....oh no what if that happens.....what if what if what if......

Do you think I'm okay I wont get anything from the scissor cut ? (why do I sound nutso now!) I really sound like a irrational freak :(

I made a appointment with a therapist.... I hope she can help! I really need someone to guide me through this.

[RSherman86]

honestly, therapy was the best thing that ever happened to me. i used to have a lot of irrational fears. this probably sounds stupid but i always worried about ingesting a chemical or something accidentally so i would was my hands constantly after everytime i used anything or touched anything.

Now for this other person that cut themselves with the scissors, do you really think they might have something? Did you see any blood on the scissors before you used them?

[ImatypeA]

Great job getting an appointment with a therapist - that is a very brave start. Really small chance you got anything from the scissors!

My first episode with anxiety happened when I was 26 - I was ABSOLUTELY convinced I had MS and was dying. I went to my regular doctor who told me I was fine and sent me home. It never occurred to me that I was having an anxiety attack and that my fears were irrational - I am a very logical person in the work place so it didn't compute if you know what I mean. It took 6 months for me to conquer that first episode - some days were good, most days were just horrific. And I hid it very well from everyone.

After three more intense attacks during a 10 year span (each lasting 3 to 6 months), my doc finally sent me to a psychiatrist.

Now the internet - that is a hypochondriac's worst nightmare! I avoid looking medical things up because before you know it, I could probably convince myself I had symptoms of that flesh eating disease :D BUT, I am really grateful to have a site like this and if I had it 15 years ago, I would have found so many people like me - and would have gone to the doc sooner and got those years back...

Keep going - you will be fine....

[anxietygirl]

I heard stories about Lyme disease and how it could cause some really bad things. I remember crying to my mom for WEEKS telling her I don't want to to go camp because I didn't want to die of Lyme disease! And that was over a decade ago!! How ridiculous is that!?!

About the scissor incident.....I didn't get a chance to see if there was blood on it.....I have no idea. But just the thought...of IF there was something on it....is scaring the living daylights out of me. I just want to go to a doctor and them tell me I'm okay...I'm really really upset even right now as I type about this stupid incident. I know people are saying....you are okay...there's little chance of getting something but you know..what if there was something on it and I didn't know?? What if down the road? Honestly If the guy didn't mention he got hurt by this scissor I wouldn't of thought twice about it...and when he joked about it, it made the situation 100 times worse!!! :( I still can't relax.

I called the Center for disease control, the person couldn't give me her opinion just the facts about it. Planned parenthood helped they told me highly unlikely but if you feel uneasy do something about it. I mean I really feel like I'm going to far with this worry but I can't help it anymore..it's constant...and not stopping! :(

Yes the internet is by far the WORST source for a person with a worry like this.......

[ImatypeA]

I am so sorry you are having so much angst! I know it doesn't help to be told how small any risk would be, once the fear has blown up to such a size. It becomes all you can think about.

I hope your therapist appointment is soon. Try to keep telling yourself how minimal the risk is, that your fear is irrational, out of proportion and remind yourself how smart and strong you are in many aspects of your life, and how you are able to take care of yourself perfectly well under many circumstances. You can handle this no matter what.

[woofytalk]

ahhh. i know exactly where you're coming from as many of us here do.
We've all been to that place.
For someone with anxiety, things that actually DO deserve anxiety can be a nightmare. I remember once I had unprotected sex with someone in college. This can cause nervousness in anyone - even someone who isn't uptight. So for me, it was a nightmare. Let me run down some of the thoughts that slipped through my head:

Sleeping with someone without protection and thinking:

What if i have AIDS (immediately it went to the absolute worst case scenario)

Then... What if I'm pregnant?

Then... What if i've got herpes and it just hasn't shown up yet?

Is that a red spot? Why do i have a red spot?

The list goes on for miles and these first three were just seedlings of all the torturous ideas that were planted throughout my head.

THE BOTTOM LINE:

You're okay, and chances are you're going to be okay. Chances are you'll live a long life. Chances are you'll never encounter a disease ever because you're not going out of your way to get one.

I know that's probably not good enough for many of you. Afterall, if we were convinced so comfortably with statistics and rational, most of us wouldn't need this forum.

What i used to do is think about the most carefree risktaker that i know and say to myself, "hey, that schmuck is really pushing his luck. i'm way more careful than him."

The fact is, the scissors don't have some flesheating bacteria on them. The elevator isn't going to fall 100 stories to your doom and you're not going to get cancer in your mid 20s.

That doesn't mean you should close your eyes to it all. Be grateful for the good health you have and don't take it for granted by waiting for the shoe to drop. You're lucky. You're meant for a long wonderful life. Enjoy every minute of it.

-Rachel

[anxietygirl]

Hi Rachel,

I can say that situation must of caused you HIGH anxiety!! If that happened to me I would of thought the same thing as you. It's a scary situation and thank goodness you were okay.

I went to my local school and the counselor said I was fine.....they did tests and everything came out okay. Thing is...::kicking myself again:: here's my next anxiety ridden thought (DOES it ever end with these stupid thoughts! its annoying!!!) The girl came in with gloves but the test package was open.....and she handed it me...I would of felt more comfortable if I spoke up and said...hey I have alot of anxiety when it comes to this stuff can you open the package in front of me....well I didnt say that and now I"m home and worrying...omg what if there was something on it and I didn't know...what if what if what if what if.....!!

So what was suppose to calm my worry kinda made it worse because I didn't see her open it in front of me.....okay lets think....its okay all I did was swab my mouth and they test me NO BIG Deal!! Why am I worrying again?!! holy moses!! It's like never ending....I swear I'm going to get high blood pressure from all this crap and I feel like it's my fault...its just compulsive behavior of worrying...what if's...analyzing its so damaging to me.

I want to live my life..im wasting myself by worrying....I've been living with this for years...will it ever end?