I believe it's enough

[MsWho]

It's been two years and a couple of months since the last time I stepped beyond my garden. I haven't gone out since the day I finished high school, and every time someone passes in front of my house I hide so there is no possible way I can be seen from outside.
I'm all but happy about this. This isn't who I am. I've always had some anxiety inside me, sure, but nothing like this. I used to be known by everyone and they wanted me involved in their conversations, but now my neighbors think I left the country or something of the kind. ''And how is MsWho?'' they ask my mother. ''Ah! She's fine, doing great. Thanks for asking''. It can't be good having such a loser for a daughter. I don't answer the phone nor I go see who the heck is ringing the bell. The bathroom becomes my hiding cave when someone comes visit, and I usually take a book or a jigsaw puzzle with me because I know I'll be there for an hour or two.
Living in a third world country where there are no good professional psychiatrists and everybody speaks really (REALLY) bad spanish reducing the possibility for me to be properly understood when trying to explain each one of my demons, does not help much.
I've had Dengue, a sprained ankle, serious asthma attacks and food poisoning, and none of those would make me go out, not even to see a doctor. I'm surprised i'm still alive (and stupid, apparently).

Here's the thing:

I'm tired.
I'm barely 19 and I can't work from home forever. That would drive me nuts (even more nuts), I don't wanna work as a translator for the rest of my life. Being inactive for so long makes me feel sick. My body's craving sun and lots of exercise. I want to go out. I want to study and learn more languages. I want to write and I want to meet the person that'll teach me how to do it properly. Back in high school I had so many plans for my life. I was going to be great if not mighty. Back then I wanted to become the best version of myself there was to be, but now I'm housebound and earning money with the bit of english I know.

Leaving this problem behind me is something I MUST do. I don't recognise the girl I see in the mirror. All I wish to do is slap her the hardest I can. The hatred I feel precludes me from sleeping. I wasn't able to have a peaceful childhood and it's clear I'm not the most sane teenager. My adulthood can't be this f**ked up too.

NO MEDS, NO BABY STEPS. I'm doing this at once and I need advice from people who overcame their problems by building up confidence. I want to learn how to shake off panic when it holds tight to my mind.

Please, anyone?

[Dcoito]

Well this takes time, but its a way of beating anxiety, and agoraphobia. First off you need to learn some breathing techniques to relax, and to effectively feed your brain ! Oxygen! That's very important. Also learn how to relax your body, and clear your mind of negative thoughts! Also important! Takes time like I said, but done everyday you will start to see a difference! You can find guided meditation on YouTube , also how to build confidents , and guided muscle relaxation! All will help you daily, as often as you can! After that is learned. You need to expose yourself! Small steps at first! You could start out by answering the phone. Make sure you breath! That keeps your rational thinking going. Try sitting in the kitchen when company comes! Just refuse to go in the bathroom! Next time try sitting closer. Till finally you don't need to go anywhere! Use your mom as support!
I mean who cares if someone sees you taking deep breathes in order to cope at first? I just want to mention tho, that by you running into the bathroom, your not running from the propel that come over at all! Your running from your own fear, and thoughts! And by doing so you are programming your mind in a negative way! That causes you body to go into fight, or flight defense witch is normal if the mind thinks its in danger. Your creating your own danger! You must retrain your mind in order for it to except that there is no danger!
Next you will want to go outside and wait for the anxiety to start! You want to welcome it! I know it sucks! Trust me IV been there! But just know that NO ONE HAS EVER DIED FROM ANXIETY! And you won't either, it just feels like hell, but you already been there so you know it can only go so far! So you need to sit outside until it comes, and completely goes away! Ten you can smile and go back inside, and you will also feel a great sensation of confidents! During a panic attack, or anxiety. Make sure you breath! Tell yourself it's only sensations my body is feeling, and its not harmful! Tell yourself I'm ok.... I'm ok! Work your way up to a walk around the block! Go with a friend, or your mom. With all this put together you will get stronger, and stronger! Also stay very hydrated! And have a healthy diet! No soda, coffee, and low sugar! Add nuts to your diet as well. Sesame seed, and pumpkin seed are very good for brain function!
I know it seems like a lot, but then again it took a long time of your current thoughts to get you here, and will take some work getting back! Your young, and smart. I believe in you!

[alankay]

The concept is simple but hard to do(depending on the severity of your anxiety and your tolerance to anxiety).
If you remain in any situation that makes you anxious and never leave in time your anxiety will diminish. You'll see all the things you fear happening due to anxiety doesn't and finally you believe and actually see and experience you can and will be OK. You may never be "free" from anxiety(it is after all a normal human emotion, when the amount and timing is appropriate) but it will be much less and you'll know it your heart you can handle it so will fear it less and the less you fear and worry about it.... the less anxiety you'll have. This can take some time so don't expect to have it happen on the first day.
Learn things to help you cope like proper breathing and relaxation, distracting yourself, education on anxiety and avoiding stimulants(caffeine), a good diet and healthy lifestyle to help set yourself up for success. To me pure, utter Will is the most important thing, I have never been able to "outlast" anxiety attacks but know that if I had the pure Willpower to push myself further than I do because I have coped well otherwise(meds, experience, counseling), I could do it. If you have the Will to outlast the lie anxiety is, you'll win. You can't go nuts, lose control or die. It just feels that way and if you stand up to the bully/demon anxiety is, you've called it's bluff. You will win after some time goes by. You'll get to the other side where you feel less anxiety because you've seen it's worst and none of the stuff you fear happens. The problem for most all of us is that is it indeed very, very, very, uncomfortable and unpleasant. So much so we flee and phobic avoidance develops and grows from there.
Anyway you can do it and other have if you educate yourself and have the Will and courage to remain in those anxiety provoking situations. Alankay

[MsWho]

I know it seems like a lot, but then again it took a long time of your current thoughts to get you here, and will take some work getting back! Your young, and smart. I believe in you!

Thank you. I'll try changing my diet. Exercise makes me feel less anxious too. Sometimes when I'm in panic, saying the right combination of words to myself makes it all disappear at once like it never happened, but every time it's hard to figure out what is it that I need to hear to keep calm. Even doing that, I still can't go out, that's why I'm here asking for help because I have the feeling like I'm missing something, so I want to know what others do to see If I can find out what it is I'm not doing or doing wrong that works for eveyone else.

The grocery store it's two corners from here, maybe I can start going there several times this week and prepare myself with a rehearsed answer like ''Huh? Oh no, I've been busy studying, that's all'', and then visiting the mall during the weekend and face a crowd (not necessarily speaking to anyone).

Thank you for the breathing tips, I'll try that out.

[MsWho]

To me pure, utter Will is the most important thing, I have never been able to "outlast" anxiety attacks but know that if I had the pure Willpower to push myself further than I do because I have coped well otherwise(meds, experience, counseling), I could do it. If you have the Will to outlast the lie anxiety is, you'll win. You can't go nuts, lose control or die. It just feels that way and if you stand up to the bully/demon anxiety is, you've called it's bluff. You will win after some time goes by. You'll get to the other side where you feel less anxiety because you've seen it's worst and none of the stuff you fear happens. The problem for most all of us is that is it indeed very, very, very, uncomfortable and unpleasant. So much so we flee and phobic avoidance develops and grows from there.
Anyway you can do it and other have if you educate yourself and have the Will and courage to remain in those anxiety provoking situations. Alankay


Can you tell me a bit more about that? How do YOU do it? I mean... what do you think about or what things you say to yourself when you start feeling anxious?

Is it something like ''Ah!, it's just a ride to the market, nothing to worry about'' or more like self-scolding for having silly thoughts on turning the car around and going home?

[Dcoito]

Tell yourself it's only sensations, they are not harmful! I'm in no danger! Then try to think of positive things, say I feel great! It's beautiful outside. The air smells soooo nice! Calming thoughts. When your breath deep it helps to calm your mind, as your thoughts start to race, slow them down. The amygdala is a small nut size part of the brain responsible for singling your fight, or flight response. When it dose that it takes all the oxygen from the rest of the brain in order to do so! Leaving your rational thinking deprived, as the rest of the body takes over! Some feel dizzy, confused, shaky, head pressure, weakness in limbs, and so on... Educate yourself as much as you can! Look up the function of the amygdala. Quite fascinating. I found that using that Sanrio in my thought process is also helpful for me. I think about how amazing our brains are! How powerful it is to fill our bodies with such sensations in order to protect us from danger.
Just know that every time anxiety wins, the stronger it becomes! Every time you take flight. Anxiety wins!