New Member! here is my story!

[Brian Kersey]

I APOLOGIZE FOR THE LENGTH OF MY STORY. I DIDN'T REALIZE I PUT IN SO MANY DETAILS!


hello all,

i first want to say thank god i found this site. just by reading other people's stories i feel better. i am 22 years old and have been suffering from anxiety since i was an early teen. the first few years i suffered from panic disorder i only had maybe 1 or 2 attacks per year. nothing crazy. when i turned 19 i finally had a severe panic attack. i was going through a stressful time which probably helped to bring it out. my entire father's side of my family suffers from panic disorder. i was prescribed lorazpam to take as needed when attacks would come. after my first major one i had an attack everyday for about 2-3 months. i also became agoraphobic. i eventually after a few months did not need medication and was able to continue on with life.


since then over the past 4 years i have had attacks but i was able to deal with them without the use of medication. the symptoms of one of ym panic attacks vary greatly- rapid heartbeat, feel faint, feel like i cant breathe, stomach pains, vision blurry, sound is distorted, yawning consistently to help with breathing, tingling feeling in hand and feet. the usual symptoms a lot of people have. anyways i had a few bad ones but nothing to stop me doing anything in life. i was able to travel and do lots of things. well about 2 months AGO i came into some very stressful situations. i began to have panic attacks again that were very difficult to deal with on my own or i needed meds. i began taking citalopram about a week since i have had very bad attacks the past 3 weeks and have become agoraphobic again. i actually love driving and sometimes would hop in my car to clear my mind and just drive around. for the past 2 weeks i have barely left my house and only got in my car once to drive about a mile down the road to pick up my brother.


this has been very debilitating for me. i commute about 45 mins. to school and about 30 mins. to work. i have not been able to do either because of the fear of driving. i should also mention that about 7 months ago i began weight lifting. i fell in love with it. it actually made me feel a lot better. i would work out consistently 3 days a week/ 1 hour per session. over the past month i started cutting my workout shorter because i felt like i was gonna pass out or have a heart attack. for 6 months before this i never had one single problem. eventually it got the point where i would workout for about 10 mins. and would get so nervous about my heart that i would quit working out. now i'm afraid to hit the weights again in fear of having a bad attack. i should also mention i used to take a few bodybuilding supplements (shock therapy, storm - nitric oxide energy booster and creatine). i took them for about 4 months and also never had a problem up until a few weeks ago when i started having really bad attacks. i also do smoke cigarettes but have been trying to quit.

i finally had enough with all the worry and panic so i went to my doctor's last week who said i showed signs or arrhythmia and sent me to the ER for tests. my GP also gave me the prescription for citalopram. i was at the ER for about 6 hours. they did 2 ekg's and ran some blood tests. the first ekg showed possible problems with my heartbeat but the second one said no. the also said my t waves were inverted but that most athletes have inverted t waves. they sent me home and told me to follow up with a cardiologist. i have an appointment next week. they said not to worry because it was probably caused by the anxiety.

as of right now the citalopram hasn't really shown any real difference so far. i take 10 mg once a day. i feel a little calmer but its only been a week. i actually felt really drowsy the first few days. i have only driven once in the past week to pick up my brother from work. little baby steps i guess. i have gone on a few walks around my neighborhood. i completely stopped taking bodybuilding supplements and working out. i have also cut way back on smoking. only 3-4 a day since last week. i know smoking is bad an i should quit but it is very hard to right now.

here are my questions:

-does anyone else have a similiar story?

-has anxiety affected working out for you?

-if you have taken/take citalopram how did it work out for you?

-any suggestions to help me out.


THANK YOU FOR READING MY POST. I KNOW IT WAS EXTREMELY LONG.

[ptncud]

Hey Brian, although ive never had a severe panic attack i do have GAD where i just have constant anxiety about practically anything i can think of. I want to emphasize practically anything b/c if i give something enough thought it will inevitably translate into anxiety for me. Once you start reinforcing these thoughts you believe them and they become the truth to you. This is what i think happens to everyone with anxiety/panic and for you it is translating to fear of working out/driving. I too work out but have never worried about that specifically. Working out in general is highly reccomended for people with anxiety as it releases endorphines that relax the body.
Please check out the cbt course ill be offering as i know it would help you.
john

[Brian Kersey]

yeah i understand how you feel. if i start thinking about something for too long it turns into anxiety for me. i am going to try working out later day again for the first time in a week or two. hopefully everything goes well. not to sound like a newbie but what is CBT? i'm guessing its a type of therapy. i have never tried any kind of therapy. do you find it beneficial?

[ptncud]

Hey Brian heres a brief summary of it that i posted in my cbt thread. I include both my summary and the creater of the course Pats summary.

CBT is based on the thought that your mind is full of neural pathways that are created by our thought processes and can inturn be changed/reprogrammed by our thought proccess(cbt). So lets say a person has an anxiety attack from a negative thought after seeing a knife/giving a speech or anything else.. This creates a new neural pathway in the brain that is activated under those circumstances or thoughts. The more we put ourself through these circumstances in real life or thought the stronger this neural pathway becomes. Although we may think these thoughts should be meaningless and are sometimes able to find peace through rationalizing why these thoughts aren't true this will only be a temporary feeling as the negative thought pathway that we have reinforced so long through our thoughts and actions has become very strong and in a sence the rational truth for us.
So here is where cbt comes in. Through truly learning these lessons to the point where they become the rational truth( replacing those thought pathways with new ones) you can cure yourself of your anxiety.

Pats summary of cbt:
Below is an article i have put together to illustrate how and why cognitive behavioral therapy works, to reprogram our brain to remove all the self-defeating negative garbage that we have told ourselves, and replace it with the positive rational truth.
How did you learn to count? By constant repetition. Will you ever forget how to count? No! Why not? Because it was drilled deeply into the emotional part of your brain by constant repetition, so counting became automatic.
Unfortunately the brain is not discrimination and will accept any information, whether true or not, if it is repeated often enough.
Why do you suppose advertisers on TV present the same add over and over again? This constant repetition drills the message deeply into our subconscious mind where it will not be easily forgotten.
If you felt at age six that you were "stupid" as my son did, would you ever forget it? No. Why not? Because once you firmly believe something, whether true or not, you will look everywhere for evidence to prove that what you believe is correct.
The sad news is that you have programmed your brain with false negative bleiefs about yourself, through constant negative self talk daily. The good news is that anything learned can be unlearned through persistent and consistent repetition of the positive rational truth.
This then, in a nutshell is what CBT is all about.
It is a method of reprogramming the brain by removing all the negative false garbage about you that has collected for years, and replacing it with the positive rational truth.

If you have any more questions feel free to ask. I hope your workout went well. Maybe try setting a list of goals on how long your going to workout to get back in it. Like this next week you'll go three times for 30 minutes. The only problem with this is if you don't deal with your anxiety and panic correctly you may still be flooded by the fear. Try deep breathing exercises and do your best to accept your thoughts and fears. If you can accept your thoughts and panic it will go away as you are not fueling it with thoughts of fear. This is very hard in the beginning so don't get down on yourself if you fail, think of it as practice. These methods and many others are covered in the cbt course ill be offering on this forum. Im going to start posting the actual course on Sunday so you should check it out. Also i have my story in that thread.. its named "Free CBT Course... please give it a shot".
Since i started the course 3-4 months ago i have gotten about 80-90% better. I have gotten to the point where i can accept almost all of my anxiety causing thoughts. Although my body still is sensitized the thoughts and feelings no longer scare me, if that makes sense. My anxiety thoughts have continued to dwindle with some days there being no anxiety and some days ill have some. But when i get a thought that would of given me aniexty for hours before and the subsequent depression, i know maybe get anxiety from it for a minute or so.