Dark thoughts

[Claudi]

I've been dealing with anxiety for the past two years or so. I'm a student and I have the worst exam and test anxiety. I think all the pressure I place on myself is linked to my childhood. I never had a happy childhood and there were always elements of financial struggle. My goal was always to free myself of that by attaining a good education so I could be self supporting. A degree is the only way I knew how. Currently I'm in my final year and despite working my ass off I'm still not seeing any results. This gives me massive anxiety. I spiral into a place where I don't see my life going anywhere. I hate waking up in the morning because sleep is the only time I can turn the feelings of anxiety off. I often pray for death to take me away, the dark thoughts scare me tremendously. 😥 I'm on anti anxiety meds but its quite a low dosage and I think I've reached the point where it doesn't really work anymore. Does anyone have some advice?

[mikev18]

I often feel the same dark thought and use sleep as a way to escape from them. I take anti anxiety medicine as well (clonazepam) but there is a point where you don't necessarily build a tolerance, but you become accustomed to it and it doesn't work as well as it did at first. I try to find things that take my mind off my anxiety and things I enjoy, as hard as I know it is to do, because I often fail to do so. But find things you enjoy doing that will make you want to wake up everyday and keep going.

[Claudi]

I think that's happened to me too. Either my anxiety has heightened or I've just become numb to my medication. The point is I feel like I'm in this anxiety waiting room. Most of it is centered on the fact that I feel like I'm waiting for my life to start, waiting for things to get better, waiting to be happy. My mind is consumed by thoughts that I'll forever be waiting, that things won't get better.