Sarah77
07-09-2013, 06:54 PM
Hi, I hope I'm using this forum right because I've never done anything like this before. I'm normally lucky just to be able to access fb or my email on a computer, lol.
I thought that I would finally introduce myself after months of trying to work up the courage to join and then joining last month and putting off writing on here!! I'm Sarah and I have suffered with depression on and off for 17 years. I've always managed to overcome my periods of depression by myself and occasionally some medication. September last year proved to be different. I took 3 Weeks holiday from my job after struggling with my depression, and also for the first time anxiety, for months beforehand. I didn't realise how bad everything had got until I spoke to my manager, by phone, about my rota for the week that I was due to go back. After coming off of the phone, I had a full blown panic attack in front not only my children but also my sister and her children. You've all heard it before . . . I couldn't breathe, my chest was tight, my heart pounding, shaking all over, sweating etc and most embarrassingly crying!!! Thankfully my sister was able to phone and then get me down to my doctor who consequently signed me off of work. I'd let things get so bad at work that just the thought of returning to that situation, with those people, filled me with absolute dread.
I'd let things get to the stage where they were, and still are, so bad that I find it extremely hard to leave my house unless I'm going to the doctor, I can't be around (and don't want to be around) people, I can't answer the door or phone. These are just a few of my anxiety symptoms on top of my depression.Since then I have tried so many different medications that I have lost count, and using some of the coping techniques I was shown didn't ease my symptoms. I found my own way of easing my anxiety levels. Finally January this year was a turning point for me. I was finally able to see a Consultant Psychiatrist near me who started me on the right combination of medications. I was also referred to some CBT(Cognitive Behavioural Therapy), I have attended an Anxiety Management course for 8 weeks and I have just started a Depression Management course. These courses are giving me the tools to aid in my recovery.
Don't get me wrong, I am nowhere near recovered. I have not returned to work and I have been let out of my contract due to long term incapacity, just this past month (which should have been a relief but was not and brought up a whole lot of stuff for me). I have managed to, almost completely, isolate myself from people. The only person I speak to regularly (other than my GP, Community Psychiatric Nurse or Consultant Psychiatrist) is my sister!! I hope by speaking to some of you in this forum that I can gain some more insight into my situation, which will hopefully help me to get better.
Today was a reasonably good day! I didn't open my mail, I didn't manage to go out (I had to send my son out for some bread) but I didn't spend all day on the couch . . . . . again! I kept myself busy with housework, so yay me!!!!
Sooooooo there's a little about me. Probably too much now that I read it back to myself but I'm not going to delete any of it because it was what I wanted to say at the time. Just to get it off my chest to someone who can't see me crying and that doesn't ask me for the tenth time today if 'I'm ok' has been kind of therapeutic in a way. I hope to get know some of you over the coming weeks and months (that is if anyone actually reads my post!?!). I hope I can give some support as well as be able to ask for some in return. And now I'm looking at the clock and realising that I've been sat at my computer for way too long tonight. So . . .night everyone.
Sarah
I thought that I would finally introduce myself after months of trying to work up the courage to join and then joining last month and putting off writing on here!! I'm Sarah and I have suffered with depression on and off for 17 years. I've always managed to overcome my periods of depression by myself and occasionally some medication. September last year proved to be different. I took 3 Weeks holiday from my job after struggling with my depression, and also for the first time anxiety, for months beforehand. I didn't realise how bad everything had got until I spoke to my manager, by phone, about my rota for the week that I was due to go back. After coming off of the phone, I had a full blown panic attack in front not only my children but also my sister and her children. You've all heard it before . . . I couldn't breathe, my chest was tight, my heart pounding, shaking all over, sweating etc and most embarrassingly crying!!! Thankfully my sister was able to phone and then get me down to my doctor who consequently signed me off of work. I'd let things get so bad at work that just the thought of returning to that situation, with those people, filled me with absolute dread.
I'd let things get to the stage where they were, and still are, so bad that I find it extremely hard to leave my house unless I'm going to the doctor, I can't be around (and don't want to be around) people, I can't answer the door or phone. These are just a few of my anxiety symptoms on top of my depression.Since then I have tried so many different medications that I have lost count, and using some of the coping techniques I was shown didn't ease my symptoms. I found my own way of easing my anxiety levels. Finally January this year was a turning point for me. I was finally able to see a Consultant Psychiatrist near me who started me on the right combination of medications. I was also referred to some CBT(Cognitive Behavioural Therapy), I have attended an Anxiety Management course for 8 weeks and I have just started a Depression Management course. These courses are giving me the tools to aid in my recovery.
Don't get me wrong, I am nowhere near recovered. I have not returned to work and I have been let out of my contract due to long term incapacity, just this past month (which should have been a relief but was not and brought up a whole lot of stuff for me). I have managed to, almost completely, isolate myself from people. The only person I speak to regularly (other than my GP, Community Psychiatric Nurse or Consultant Psychiatrist) is my sister!! I hope by speaking to some of you in this forum that I can gain some more insight into my situation, which will hopefully help me to get better.
Today was a reasonably good day! I didn't open my mail, I didn't manage to go out (I had to send my son out for some bread) but I didn't spend all day on the couch . . . . . again! I kept myself busy with housework, so yay me!!!!
Sooooooo there's a little about me. Probably too much now that I read it back to myself but I'm not going to delete any of it because it was what I wanted to say at the time. Just to get it off my chest to someone who can't see me crying and that doesn't ask me for the tenth time today if 'I'm ok' has been kind of therapeutic in a way. I hope to get know some of you over the coming weeks and months (that is if anyone actually reads my post!?!). I hope I can give some support as well as be able to ask for some in return. And now I'm looking at the clock and realising that I've been sat at my computer for way too long tonight. So . . .night everyone.
Sarah