RecurringThoughts
07-07-2013, 10:18 AM
Hello everyone!
I have an appointment with my OBGYN tomorrow for a "routine" STD exam and can't decide whether or not to cancel it. My indecision derives from several thoughts:
(1) I was tested in December of 2012 for HIV and tested negative using the rapid test at Planned Parenthood. I have been monogamous since October of 2011. I keep getting tested because of some unsafe encounters I had in the summer of 2011 (which I talked about in a previous post), and I feel like statistically one of my partners should have had an STD (especially HIV).
The negative HIV result makes me want to cancel my appointment for tomorrow, but another part of me has reasoned that maybe I misunderstood my clinicians last December and my results were actually positive and I've been living life as if negative ever since! Or, perhaps I had a false negative and I should get tested again (but that reasoning is dangerous because even if I do get tested tomorrow, and it comes out negative, I can still believe this thought ad infinitum). Or maybe the rapid test is more error prone than the ELISA and I should just get that one done because my negative result may be false. So, I should get tested again
(2) I am thinking about canceling because if my negative result was accurate after 14 months of being with one person, waiting two weeks for my test results from the ELISA (after using the rapid test for so many visits to Planned Parenthood...) is going to make me a nervous wreck. I'm also worried that given how many times I have been tested in the last two years (3), my chances of getting a false positive might be greater and that experience would drive me crazy.
(3) I was found negative for syphilis, gonorrhea, chlamydia, and HPV in June 2012.
So I can't decide which would be better for me in the end, because I do think that I keep getting tested to abate by anxiety, and it also sends me through short moments of heightened fear and worry when I wait for my results. Am I insane to think I could have a false negative HIV result? Should I go through with another HIV test?
Has anyone had similar experiences with these sort of thoughts and able to give me some advice?
I have an appointment with my OBGYN tomorrow for a "routine" STD exam and can't decide whether or not to cancel it. My indecision derives from several thoughts:
(1) I was tested in December of 2012 for HIV and tested negative using the rapid test at Planned Parenthood. I have been monogamous since October of 2011. I keep getting tested because of some unsafe encounters I had in the summer of 2011 (which I talked about in a previous post), and I feel like statistically one of my partners should have had an STD (especially HIV).
The negative HIV result makes me want to cancel my appointment for tomorrow, but another part of me has reasoned that maybe I misunderstood my clinicians last December and my results were actually positive and I've been living life as if negative ever since! Or, perhaps I had a false negative and I should get tested again (but that reasoning is dangerous because even if I do get tested tomorrow, and it comes out negative, I can still believe this thought ad infinitum). Or maybe the rapid test is more error prone than the ELISA and I should just get that one done because my negative result may be false. So, I should get tested again
(2) I am thinking about canceling because if my negative result was accurate after 14 months of being with one person, waiting two weeks for my test results from the ELISA (after using the rapid test for so many visits to Planned Parenthood...) is going to make me a nervous wreck. I'm also worried that given how many times I have been tested in the last two years (3), my chances of getting a false positive might be greater and that experience would drive me crazy.
(3) I was found negative for syphilis, gonorrhea, chlamydia, and HPV in June 2012.
So I can't decide which would be better for me in the end, because I do think that I keep getting tested to abate by anxiety, and it also sends me through short moments of heightened fear and worry when I wait for my results. Am I insane to think I could have a false negative HIV result? Should I go through with another HIV test?
Has anyone had similar experiences with these sort of thoughts and able to give me some advice?